Aa
Day 2
Been on and off this site for a while - long story short, Crohns Disease patient and from time to time the pain gets so bad, i get admitted...only think to help the pain. When i get out, i simply message my doc and she calls in anything I need 60-90? 5MG, 7.5MG? Then the vicious cycle starts... sometimes i 'exaggerate' my pain so she give me more. History on me, been on and off pain meds for 3-4 years. I reached 80 days at some points then my crohn's kicks my *** and spiral begins again.
Well enough is enough.
I emailed my Doc today and said no matter what, do not ever give me pain meds. If my pain gets back enough, i'll go to the ER. and she was pleasantly surprised and also said she was becoming very weary of the number if pain meds I was taking - nonetheless, she's been cut off - Nothing! =) I believe this is the key to all of this. Everytime I was clean, it was always in the back of my mind, hey, just send a message, get high for a few days, etc etc etc...u all know..start off with just 20 and in 2 days, ask for more and more and more....
I sometimes go months without taking a single pill but then when the craving hits, it becomes as simple as get on my computer, send a quick message and i have 90 7.5MG Vic sitting @ the pharmacy for $5.00. this time, 2-3 weeks of 15 - 5MG Pers and when i ran out, 15-7.5MG Vic (over a period of 10 days)
Those days are over.
I know I also need to change other habits as well - i need to start going to a therapist and find out why it is i am so self destructive.
Anyway, its day 2 - wife went to work and i'm home with my precious 3 month, beautiful baby girl. thankfully she's sleeping now, but when she gets up, it's so hard to have the energy to pick her up, change her etc.
Every time i look into those beautiful eyes of hers, i start crying because i don't want to be those fathers that lets their kids down. I hate the fact that some of the pics i have with her, i'm high on pain meds - it breaks me to pieces.
Anyway, Day 2 and hopefully, the beginning of something beautiful.
I know about Thomas Recipe, Walks, Hot Baths, Vits...anything else anyone can recommend? I also have a very small Qty of Ativan for when my anxiety gets real bad.
Well enough is enough.
I emailed my Doc today and said no matter what, do not ever give me pain meds. If my pain gets back enough, i'll go to the ER. and she was pleasantly surprised and also said she was becoming very weary of the number if pain meds I was taking - nonetheless, she's been cut off - Nothing! =) I believe this is the key to all of this. Everytime I was clean, it was always in the back of my mind, hey, just send a message, get high for a few days, etc etc etc...u all know..start off with just 20 and in 2 days, ask for more and more and more....
I sometimes go months without taking a single pill but then when the craving hits, it becomes as simple as get on my computer, send a quick message and i have 90 7.5MG Vic sitting @ the pharmacy for $5.00. this time, 2-3 weeks of 15 - 5MG Pers and when i ran out, 15-7.5MG Vic (over a period of 10 days)
Those days are over.
I know I also need to change other habits as well - i need to start going to a therapist and find out why it is i am so self destructive.
Anyway, its day 2 - wife went to work and i'm home with my precious 3 month, beautiful baby girl. thankfully she's sleeping now, but when she gets up, it's so hard to have the energy to pick her up, change her etc.
Every time i look into those beautiful eyes of hers, i start crying because i don't want to be those fathers that lets their kids down. I hate the fact that some of the pics i have with her, i'm high on pain meds - it breaks me to pieces.
Anyway, Day 2 and hopefully, the beginning of something beautiful.
I know about Thomas Recipe, Walks, Hot Baths, Vits...anything else anyone can recommend? I also have a very small Qty of Ativan for when my anxiety gets real bad.
Best Answer
The guilt will go away as you make new memories to replace the pill memory. You will remember your child looking at you and smiling, when you aren't popping pills. My kids are older, but they love me no matter what, they like me now. It's only been a couple months, but I'm already replacing memories. I feel like the Amino Acid Protocol helped more that the Thomas Recipe, but I was on high dose methadone. I also find, doing things that I never did on pills seems to help. Like, brushing my teeth with my left hand, sleeping on the other side of the bed, walking just to walk, anything that was not a normal habit. I tried to shake up my routine, and I think it helped. Good luck.
Thank you both - just got up- around 6:45am - slept pretty good surprisingly ... Let's see what today brings - just going to take it for what it is :)
It seems like you're on the right track. Glad to see you coming back to post throughout the day. This is such a small part of the rest of your life. I wish I had gotten clean when my kids where so small. You are a great guy and will never regret what you are going through right now. I look forward to you sharing how fun it is to be with your family clean and sober. Good luck on this great decision.
Thanks! been on 2 LONGGG walks with her today - SoCal weather is very nice this time of year, so we took advantage of that. Probably drank 5-6 vitamin waters - wife is home now, thank God - so, i can go an just Veg out and clear my mind. Overall, not the worst day in the world - got to spend it with my beautiful baby girl = just wish i wasnt going through WDs. Also taking the Immodium, thanks!
Hi there, and great job telling your doctor that you've quit! That is really one of the most difficult parts! You have a great attitude! You sound like a wonderful daddy! I haven't read all of the replies, but, if you haven't picked up Immodium, you should! It will really help with stomach, bathroom, and other withdrawal issues! For me, Immodium, and staying hydrated was the key! Also, keep moving! Taking care of the little one will definately help with that! Good luck and take care! I wish you all the best! Keep posting for advice and support!
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