Aa
Day 3 Oxy withdrawal
First time I have ever posted anything. I am on my 3rd day of oxy withdrawal. This is pure hell. Everyone knows the symptoms. I started using morphine in 2000 after an accident crushed my 4th vertibrae, I was on a pump. I learned how to manipulate the pump and after 7 weeks of 1000mg a week, I went ct. Worst days of my life. You think I would have learned from that. I am 53 years old, sober from alcohol 11 years. I started using percocet 10mg a day 1 year ago. I increased the amount and then went to oxy's. first 40mg a day to where I am now...100mg day. I have to pay street price. I decided to quit wednesday, it's friday morning. I just got a call letting me know they were available if I wanted some...I told him to never call me again. The crash isn't worth the high. I figure I am almost over the worst of this, maybe another 2 days max. I did get a visit from an old friend this morning, my first woody in 6 months...very interesting. There is no way I could have posted this the last couple days, I must be getting closer to the end...Unbelievable hell. I know I am doing the right thing, oh man it sure is tough, especially knowing a phone call will end all this...
go flush it right now and then it's over, no more thinking about it. That one pill won't make you feel better and will just bring regret. I am sorry that you have to be alone on New Year's but look at what you have accomplished. You are going into 2011 pill free and I have a feeling that this upcoming year will be your best one yet. Stay positive and be thankful. love and hugs! lyn
Day 24...
I don't get it. Why do I feel like I am always being tested. Everyone is gone for New Years, flew out yesterday to be with their Mother in California. Sitting here listening to Dave Matthews & Neil Young...Alone and forsaken.
There has been an envelope on my desk for months. It has a web page written on it. I picked it up to throw away, felt something in it. What do I find...yup, 1 pill. 40mg oxy.
I am sitting here looking at it.
Why am I always being tested? The right thing to do of course is to get up and throw it down the toilet. Then my brain says, you could keep it, you never know when you may need it for pain...yeah right.
I decided to come to mh and write about this. I am still looking at it. Can you believe this bs...I will be alone for New Years, feeling kind of down...I can't go to the States because of immigration paperwork, another story.
This *****. I haven't really thought about using in 24 days. Trying to stay positive...then when my guard is down I find this.
Still looking at it.
ok, lets think this through...I won't dare pick it up, never know what my hands might do...can't trust my hands right now. Actually my palms are sweating. And I feel a little shaky. I wonder if it's the shock of finding it, never in a million years did I expect this...or is it because I am scared of what I am thinking.
I have to think this through...
I don't get it. Why do I feel like I am always being tested. Everyone is gone for New Years, flew out yesterday to be with their Mother in California. Sitting here listening to Dave Matthews & Neil Young...Alone and forsaken.
There has been an envelope on my desk for months. It has a web page written on it. I picked it up to throw away, felt something in it. What do I find...yup, 1 pill. 40mg oxy.
I am sitting here looking at it.
Why am I always being tested? The right thing to do of course is to get up and throw it down the toilet. Then my brain says, you could keep it, you never know when you may need it for pain...yeah right.
I decided to come to mh and write about this. I am still looking at it. Can you believe this bs...I will be alone for New Years, feeling kind of down...I can't go to the States because of immigration paperwork, another story.
This *****. I haven't really thought about using in 24 days. Trying to stay positive...then when my guard is down I find this.
Still looking at it.
ok, lets think this through...I won't dare pick it up, never know what my hands might do...can't trust my hands right now. Actually my palms are sweating. And I feel a little shaky. I wonder if it's the shock of finding it, never in a million years did I expect this...or is it because I am scared of what I am thinking.
I have to think this through...
The feeling is fantastic.
Thanks Lesa.
I had a wonderful Christmas. Received great news, my wife is American, I am Canadian. We have been apart for 14 months. She was cleared to come back to Canada!
I was told several times that I look good. One person told me I look 10 years younger, that would put me at 43! I said I feel 10 years younger and laughed.
During Christmas dinner an infant started to choke on food. I jumped up grabbed the child, turned her over slapped her back and she coughed the piece of food out.
I like to think I would have done that anyway, but in reality, I reacted much faster than I would have under the fog. It was all over in seconds and we went on with our meal.
My family looked so proud, I did all I could not to burst the buttons off my shirt, not for the reaction...but the way my family looked at me. Dad,Poppa& husband is back.
I did see the guy who I bought pills from. He looked like he crap. he congratulated me on my will power. I just said "thanks" and walked on...
ct
I had a wonderful Christmas. Received great news, my wife is American, I am Canadian. We have been apart for 14 months. She was cleared to come back to Canada!
I was told several times that I look good. One person told me I look 10 years younger, that would put me at 43! I said I feel 10 years younger and laughed.
During Christmas dinner an infant started to choke on food. I jumped up grabbed the child, turned her over slapped her back and she coughed the piece of food out.
I like to think I would have done that anyway, but in reality, I reacted much faster than I would have under the fog. It was all over in seconds and we went on with our meal.
My family looked so proud, I did all I could not to burst the buttons off my shirt, not for the reaction...but the way my family looked at me. Dad,Poppa& husband is back.
I did see the guy who I bought pills from. He looked like he crap. he congratulated me on my will power. I just said "thanks" and walked on...
ct
I agree what a Wonderful gift to Yourself and Family Have a Very Merry Christmas 20 days and going strong !! warm hugs lesa
This is great. I always wondered how you feel once off.
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