fessin up here

[kellygirll]

well i did it i F%#$&D up today i used i got 3 30mg roxys and dilauded from my friend and was it worth it HELL NO i caught a little buzz but the scary thing is that "i felt normal" well the false sense of normal ***** but I'm done i realized its not something i want in my life anymore i used to be addicted to the ritual of getting my stuff and you know what sitting there listening to my friend (who also is severely addicted she gets a TON of pills a month) i was like eff this couldn't stand to be around her with her addiction talk complianing about this and that and lying to the doc about how "bad" her pain is i just saw things differently today i think i might have turned the corner i really am feeling different need a change and tired of living like this i spent some time with my son today whose 26 and recently came off subs and he is doing so so good I'm so proud of him and thought to myself "i wanna be like him" he would be crushed if he ever knew i was in the spot I'm in and that would devastate me so here i go again tomorrow will be day one all over again for me its what i gotta do and i will work so hard to get to my goal and i told my friend that i will be staying away from her for a while because i have to to stay clean i know that if i didn't bring her today i would of never taken them i would not of sought them out.........this girl will do this!!!!!

[msdelight]

Hey Kellygirl. I'm glad you realized for yourself what we were trying to tell you this morning but you took a major risk. I'm glad you're okay. Why don't you just flush everything you have and jump off right now! You'll be glad you did.?

[nursegirl6572]

I still stick by what I told you a few threads ago, about considering sticking with the subs at a low dose (you'd have to be compliant though) to give you some clean time.

You saw this coming, and unfortunately, I think you had your mind made up that you were going to use even before you ever picked your friend up (which is how relapse works).  

You identified the craving, but didn't follow through with the action to NOT act on it.  It's great that you want it, but that's not enough, you have to REALLY start making some serious changes and start working your recovery.

Best to you.

[kellygirll]

ricart70 im ok now I'm doing good just tired tomorrow  will be day number one again looking forward to it thank you for your concern this site is great so much support and thats just what i need now :)

[kellygirll]

hi IBKleen yes i am on subs tapering off i hate  being on them hate it so bad and i am in therapy started about a month ago and finally told her about this yesterday so ima working on it slow process but i will get there got my eye on the prize sobriety thanks for your response

[kellygirll]

i only took 0.5 mg of sub today i used to take more and still get high and as for the pills thats how much i take when i use or used to use sometimes 4 i used to take 7-8 a day before but that is done I'm done with this kinda life starting over right now

[ricart70]

You could have overdosed taking all of that. The sub will keep you from getting a buzz off of the pills because the sub buzz is stronger but it will not keep you from dying from taking too much trying to get high. I am worried about you for sure. I don't belive you are thinking right if you took all of this on top of the sub. Let us know how you are right now.

[clean_in_ks]

Are you saying you took 3 30 mg Roxy's AND the Dilauded with sub in you today?  And you had a new awareness after taking this "friend" to the dr?

[ricart70]

You took sub already today right ?

[brandiroars386]

Okay, so what's done is done. Dust yourself off and move forward.  No dwelling on it.  Great to hear about your son!!! "I told my friend that I will be staying away from her for a while because i have to to stay clean i know that if i didn't bring her today i would of never taken them i would not of sought them out."  If she is a source, you need to cut her out completely.  I know that might hurt, but your life is at stake. I had to do the same, so i can completely relate, and it is hard.  On a more positive note, you said you felt as though you turned a corner, saw things differently.  I think this speaks volumes about how recovery has already affected you. Keep pushing forward!!

[IBKleen]

I'm sorry to hear about your relapse. Weren't you on Suboxone for a time? If so, did you do any aftercare...meetings? Therapy?