Dealing with DISCOMFORT

[J_friend]

I had 18 days yesterday free from Norco; however, the small seed of "get some just for today after work" was planted in my mind.  The seed grew, and without going into inappropriate details for a recovery forum ... well ... I got some pills.  I washed them down and experienced that "break from my pain", so to speak. No need for details - you all understand the place the pills take us.   I don't know if I'm beating myself up for a slip, inasmuch as I'm just feeling discouraged right now.  I've been an addict of some sort (sex, drugs, etc) for most of my life.  I've been in and out of recovery, meetings, and therapy.  And, out of ALL the work I've done in recovery AND all my "acting out" in the addict mode, I think there is ONE thing most of us addicts all share in common:  WE CAN'T DEAL WITH DISCOMFORT.   Plain and simple.  Yes, I know it's a spiritual problem - I understand most of the good recovery stuff.  However, no matter what wisdom I hear, read, or say ... it will ALWAYS boil down to this:  Am I WILLING to deal appropriately with discomfort?  Am I willing to "sit with the pain" as opposed to running from it?

Yesterday, while at work, I began feeling the discomfort.  I knew I have a week vacation this upcoming week, and I knew how dull and boring it all seemed now that I have no "escape".  So, I scored some pills so I could, once again, feel that connection and escape from my discomfort.  However, even worse than any physical withdrawals, attempting not to escape the discomfort - the dull, boring, mental anguish - that comes with not using is the REAL challenge for me.

My hope for myself, and all of you good people who are also struggling with addiction is this:  May we learn how to deal with discomfort in an effective way.  Sometimes that may mean calling a sober friend, reaching for help on this forum, going to a meeting, exercising, meditation, etc.   And sometimes, it may mean simply sitting with our discomfort ... simply sitting and actually FEELING the pain from which we've been running from SO long.  Perhaps that is where REAL recovery begins.

[K Todd]

I will tell you...NOT DO I LIKE DISCOMFORT...AT ALL..

But...when my Lord Jesus Christ is behind it, and let Him take the lead..

That is how I obtain numerous victories over many addictions!

I did not overcome NOT even 1 of them without Him...I am to damn weak...no matter how bad I want to be sober...white knuckle will power just don't cut the "depths of the strongholds" from these addictions!

Cravings will come and go, the longer you go, AND LET GO...the better off you will be!

God Bless
Todd,

[J_friend]

Actually, I don't think you're rambling at all, Worried.  I think you're hitting on the essence of my post - the mental pain and anguish that I constantly run from.  Ultimately, using the pills is avoiding REAL life.  I want to start living in the REAL world again - and having some authentic, long-lasting connections, as opposed to immediate, temporary ones.

[worried878]

I was thinking about pain today at the gym while i was walking on the treadmill...I have an aversion to it but it is mental pain that I dont tolerate well...my pain tolerence physically is very high and have always been told that...i read posts about people needing narcotics for aches and pains that most deal with using tylenol or advil...I had used the meds to avoid mental pain even tho i do have a chronic pain problem...but i cant use that as an excuse...i cant quit living my life and be a pill head...it was messing with my head and I need to remember life was not a bed of roses at the end of my pill days over 6 weeks ago...I had to realize that was not the real reason I was abusing them...It is hard to "have fun" at first without them....still is...I was happy that I really enjoyed a gathering i went to last night without pills..felt like my old self...then had some cravings today...rambling...sorry

[jim811]

Hey....can you find a healthy substitute for the meds...speed or distance biking, swimming, running, etc?  I'm an adrenaline junkie and push myself hard (reason i started on pain pills because i broke my leg)....if you can find another escape that's healthy, may help you with what you're dealing with.

I thought your post was insightful...thx for sharing.

Nick

[J_friend]

I understand that - I truly do.  But, let's face it, even turning it over to a higher power is a CHOICE we have to make - and often on an daily, even hourly basis.   That's where the whole "surrender" issue comes in, no?   I mean, it would be great if GOD just took the pain away from us all ... but I don't think that's how it's supposed to work.  I think we're supposed to have pain in order to grow.  My problem is (as I think it is with MANY addicts) that I don't want to deal with that pain ... I just want to immediately feel good.  Unfortunately, there's no growth when we're always trying to "feel good".

[road2recovery]

like GTMI, i had to turn to my higher power...Because something still was not working by myself....i have realized that the detox was nothing compared to staying clean..
even at over 6 months clean , i can't think i have this whipped!!!
I have to get my strenght from someone stronger then myself....
good luck to ya'll
r2r

[J_friend]

Thanks, my friend.  :)

[GoingToMakeIt]

Life is a process. Sorry that it has been rough. It took God to change me cause what I was doing wasn't working. I hope you find the answer.

[J_friend]

Well, I'm not going to say I disagree with you GoingtoMakeit ... but trust me, I've done the therapy route - for years on end.  And, while I think counseling is awesome, I've ripped myself open and shared all the childhood pain, etc.  However, no matter how GREAT a therapist is, they aren't going to prevent me from having pain in my life.  Hence, the discomfort will inevitably arrive, and I'll be faced with a choice:  Can I deal with this, or am I going to run from it?  

[GoingToMakeIt]

It sounds to my that counseling is in order. You have shown that other support systems aren't working. You need to get at the root to why you need drugs to function. don't beat yourself up about slipping, it won't help. Just get back up and go find a counselor.:)