Do I let him come home...

[tiff78g]

My boyfriend graduates rehab in three months, but he has to have a plan in place w/in the next few weeks, which means me making a decision. Do I let him come home??? I know only I can make this decision, but some input would be nice. I love him, yes, but I am just afraid. I do not want to ever be hurt again the way he hurt me. My trust in him is gone and I am just afraid that will cause more problems. I just dont know what to do. I am so torn on this right now. I want him to suceed in life and become the person I know is in there, I will give him all of my support and I am willing to work on our relationship, I just dont know if I want him to do it in MY house. Another part of me is afraid that if I dont let him come back, he will just get back on drugs. Our town, like a lot of towns, is full of drugs and he of course knows all of the wrong people. Sorry, I am just pretty much rambling here. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

[tiff78g]

Thank you all so much for your sound advice. I know that letting him live on his own is probably the answer, it just scares me. I alway think I can "fix" him, and though I know that is not true, I just want to make him all better. I realize he will battle this for the rest of his life. His dad is an alcoholic and he lost his mom a few years ago (this is where the worst of his addiction comes in). I hate to see him w/ no one, but I do come first now and I realize that.  He did ask me to marry him and I told him he has to be clean no less than a year before I would even consider it. He has two boys and their mom is also addicted to oxy's but sees nothing wrong w/ it. He plans to fight to take them away from her when he gets out and on his feet. I dont know, I have been praying a lot about this and will continue to do so.  Thanks again!

[house1]

Very good post may I offer a suggestion?
When he gets out tell him to live drug free for a year but not with you.
Does he have parents or any way to get a small apartment through Social Services?
Support him but make him prove that he will work very hard on his recovery and tell him that a year is not a lot of time.
You can still be together and still see each other but I would want him to have at least a year clean before I would let him back in.
Some may think that its cruel but Addiction is for life he will have three months clean and get out of a rehab but what will he do when he gets out. Will he think of relapse or will he think of Recovery?

[dove3053]

I know this is a hard decision for you. I always say if you have to ask the question you already know the answer. It sounds like you have been through alot with him so I say put yourself first.

Good luck,

Dove

[GoingToMakeIt]

You said he hurt you and whether it was physical or mental it is still abuse. Based on that, I think it is not wise to let him come back to your house. He has to prove himself worthy of you to love again. His recovery is not up to you.

[cathy5841]

hi, i just wanted to tell you i understand all your thoughts and i dont know if i would let him come home either.  i think he needs to make it on his own.  then if he proves himself. i would talk about him comming back.  but, you are right it is up to you.  good luck with all you have to decided.  know we are here for you whatever you do.
cathy

[ladyboop]

I know about trust. I was married 18years. And he tore the trust apart. All I can say is, If you let him come back. The trust thing will take time. It is different for everyone. there is no magic numer of days or weeks. You to will have to work on it. For us he had to be an open book, who, where, when, why, til I could trust him again..
Good luck
     LadyBoop..

[LexiDoodle01]

I dont know your whole story, But I will tell you what I think =)

He has been to rehab and right now is a totally different person than he was, It is going to be a fight its not just going to be better all the time he will have to fight. But loving you he might need you in that fight, you might be the one thing that keeps him from wanting to go back and mess up !!!  You could always give it a chance and maybe talk to family and set something else up incase you cant deal with it , Just remember he is fighting a lifetime problem and just because the drugs are gone doesnt mean he is well , He needs support more than anything , I would make sure that he has a place so that he doesnt lapse and make all this good time spent go down the drain

<3 Lexi