Do you have addiction whipped?

[GA Guy]

I see a lot of people coming on in the last month or so talking about having 90-180 days clean and sounding like they have this addiction whipped. The reason it bothers me is that I was that person when I got here almost 3 years ago. I got 30 days clean (through white knuckling it) and began giving advice to everyone that would listen as to how I had this "whipped". Some great people here like beachtowel and Fladdict (old times will remember these names with fondness and sadness) begged me to get aftercare, but I had it whipped...because, I could hold onto my secrets and do this all on my own. It's only through this time when I'm coming up on a year next week that I've finally realized that this disease takes every day attention. I've had mentally tough days the last few weeks that were every bit as bad as the first 30 days. The difference is that now I have support and tools to get through them and keep my disease quiet. I honestly have to work my first step every single morning..because if I don't admit that this disease is more powerful than myself, then it WILL talk me back into using. We will never loose the feeling of that first high. This disease tells me every day that by NOT using I am committing suicide. Things do get better..but only with aftercare. These people on this forum with significant clean time are talking about aftercare because we care and want you not to make the mistakes we have. I'd love to hear from those who have an aftercare program..and, tell what it took to get you to that point. Also, I'd LOVE to hear some people with a little bit of clean time who are trying to do this secretively and without aftercare pledge to do so very soon. Please, listen to the veterans on the forum..learn from our mistakes.

[vicki595]

Yes Sara...I know that now.  My priorities were skewed.  I took a huge risk today but I had decided that being clean was worth it.  What good is a nurse if she's dead?
I chose to live today.

[dominosarah]

You need to guard your clean time with your life first and foremost....without that you end up with nothing.....

[vicki595]

I do not have addiction whipped. But,GaGuy,I have to tell you, your post is serendipitous!!   I just got home from a visit with my PCP. I had not told her of my addiction issues or that I tapered on my own. I went today to tell her and ask for help because I was beginning to flounder on my own with hit and miss meetings etc...I wanted a plan for recovery and to 'fess up and lay the cards on the table.  She shook her head very sadly and said "Vicki,I am responsible for so much of this. I am your doctor."  Okay..we agreed to share although I wanted all the blame.   So,I now have a therapist,who is lovely and kind. We will meet next week for a formal evaluation.  There is a professional group that I can join immediately. And,most importantly,my nursing license will not be compromised by any of this. That was MY big fear. I guarded THAT
with my life.     I am so profusely relieved, I can't begin to tell you without sounding horribly corny.    But,I thank YOU and the forum for this. I only drove the car.

With love~
Vicki

[Jebs317]

I know that I won't make it without getting aftercare.  I didn't listen the first two times.  I now believe that for me to continue to stay away from pills, I will have to find aftercare.  I have an appointment Friday with an Addiction Counselor and an appointment next Tuesday at a Rehab. Center for an evaluation.  From there I hope to have one on one sessions with an Addiction Therapist and find a group also.  I know myself and I need to follow through or I will be right back where I started.  I feel a little different this time because I have had my doctors notified and pharmacy was told "no more" as well.  I also stopped seeing my best friend and boyfriend........they both take pills.  I have to put my heart and soul into this or I will fail.  
I want to be the mom that my son can be proud of.

[guv338]

Thanks Sara.  And Congrats to you as well, Two years, wow, thats a long time without dope.  Keep it going.  guv

[dominosarah]

Congrats on that clean time!!!   So happy you got your a$$ in there!!!         sara