Aa
Do you really feel better?
Hi everyone - I'm a new poster but have been lurking for some time.
I admit the first time I read posts on this forum, huge tears dripped down my face because I knew I was hooked. I was embarrassed and ashamed.
It didn't stop me, however!
I'm taking usually 4 hydros a day, (2) 7.5 mgs and (2) 10s, for a total of 35 mg a day. I tend to take more when they are first filled, then towards the end of the month, I'm scrambling around, counting pills, counting days on a calendar, trying to ration what I have left, thinking what medical options I would have to make an appt over to get more, thought about ordering them off the internet (didn't!)...sound familiar? I usually end up spending the last week of the month in bed because I've run out and am experiencing the WD symptoms.
This all started when my mother died 5 years ago. I know why I'm doing it. The incredible sadness coupled with what's left of a dysfunctional family life makes me feel like that's the only way I can make it.
I'm working towards stopping...I know I need to. I've just got to figure out how to deal with things.
My 15 yr old nephew the other day got a hydro script after having a root canal. His mother told me a few days later that she asked him where his bottle was, and he told her he'd been taking them all week at school because he felt so good when he took them. Scared the living hell out of me. He is my life. I can't watch him do what I've done to myself for the past 5 years!
Do you really, honestly, feel better when they're out of your system?
Thanks for listening!
I admit the first time I read posts on this forum, huge tears dripped down my face because I knew I was hooked. I was embarrassed and ashamed.
It didn't stop me, however!
I'm taking usually 4 hydros a day, (2) 7.5 mgs and (2) 10s, for a total of 35 mg a day. I tend to take more when they are first filled, then towards the end of the month, I'm scrambling around, counting pills, counting days on a calendar, trying to ration what I have left, thinking what medical options I would have to make an appt over to get more, thought about ordering them off the internet (didn't!)...sound familiar? I usually end up spending the last week of the month in bed because I've run out and am experiencing the WD symptoms.
This all started when my mother died 5 years ago. I know why I'm doing it. The incredible sadness coupled with what's left of a dysfunctional family life makes me feel like that's the only way I can make it.
I'm working towards stopping...I know I need to. I've just got to figure out how to deal with things.
My 15 yr old nephew the other day got a hydro script after having a root canal. His mother told me a few days later that she asked him where his bottle was, and he told her he'd been taking them all week at school because he felt so good when he took them. Scared the living hell out of me. He is my life. I can't watch him do what I've done to myself for the past 5 years!
Do you really, honestly, feel better when they're out of your system?
Thanks for listening!
Yes. It takes months to feel normal, though. After you get off them you will realize that you were not doing as good as you perceived. You may feel happy, but those around you don't necessarily see it. The drugs lie to you. You will no longer be chasing down pills. These drugs damage every part of your life. Body, mind, soul and spirit. You are way more dull or numb to things around you when on the drugs.
YES! Re-read your post....it is a cycle to destruction...you are lucky that you are not taking more than you are as tolerence builds quickly...they are not designed to use for coping with life...you would be able to quit relatively easy if you decide to...I was taking more than twice that daily and quit...keep posting
I've been clean almost a year and I feel better than I have in 15 years. It takes some months to get over. I had a lot to deal with that I had covered up with the pills. One of those things was watching my mother die of cancer so I understand. Life is better I feel mentally and physically healthy. I doesn't happen over night...it's hard work and you have to want it. Let me know if I can help
Your story is all too familiar. Most of us on here have experienced exactly what you did. Always taking to many at first and then looking around thinking we stashed some pills somewhere else. If I were you I would talk to your nephew. Make sure he knows how easily one can become addicted.
As for you, are you prescribed them for pain? If so, you're going to have to try and find another way to help with the pain. Don't be embarrased or ashamed. It's amazing on how this addiction just sneaks up on us. We don't realize it until it's too late. There are so many people out there battling the same thing. It's just something that most people keep a secret. That is where this forum is a lifesaver. No one on here will judge or look down on you. We are all here to help you succeed. The best thing you could have done for yourself is already done. That is coming on here for help because you realize you have a problem. Your first step should be to get off of them to re-evaluate your pain. The pills play tricks on our brain and sometimes make us feel like we are having more pain than what we actually are. Have you ever tried to taper off of them? That is where you cut your dose back a bit every few days or so. You are not on a super high dose so this might be a great option for you. The only problem with tapering is it takes a lot of willpower. If your like me, if the pills are there, you take them. If you decide to go cold turkey the worst of the physical withdrawals will last around 5 days or so. I know days 3 and 4 were the hardest for me and it was all downhill from there. I think the best think to do is exercise. I know it can be so hard to muster up the energy to do so, but it helps so much. I would go on a long walk around 7 in the evening, come home watch some tv, take a hot bath, and then go to bed. The exercise really seemed to help in getting back my energy. Make sure you are drinking plenty of water and eating healthy. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask! We are all here for you . Post as many questions or comments as needed. It's amazing how much easier withdrawals are with the help from this forum. Plus, when typing it kind of takes your mind off things. Best of luck to you! You can beat this addiction!
Brian
As for you, are you prescribed them for pain? If so, you're going to have to try and find another way to help with the pain. Don't be embarrased or ashamed. It's amazing on how this addiction just sneaks up on us. We don't realize it until it's too late. There are so many people out there battling the same thing. It's just something that most people keep a secret. That is where this forum is a lifesaver. No one on here will judge or look down on you. We are all here to help you succeed. The best thing you could have done for yourself is already done. That is coming on here for help because you realize you have a problem. Your first step should be to get off of them to re-evaluate your pain. The pills play tricks on our brain and sometimes make us feel like we are having more pain than what we actually are. Have you ever tried to taper off of them? That is where you cut your dose back a bit every few days or so. You are not on a super high dose so this might be a great option for you. The only problem with tapering is it takes a lot of willpower. If your like me, if the pills are there, you take them. If you decide to go cold turkey the worst of the physical withdrawals will last around 5 days or so. I know days 3 and 4 were the hardest for me and it was all downhill from there. I think the best think to do is exercise. I know it can be so hard to muster up the energy to do so, but it helps so much. I would go on a long walk around 7 in the evening, come home watch some tv, take a hot bath, and then go to bed. The exercise really seemed to help in getting back my energy. Make sure you are drinking plenty of water and eating healthy. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask! We are all here for you . Post as many questions or comments as needed. It's amazing how much easier withdrawals are with the help from this forum. Plus, when typing it kind of takes your mind off things. Best of luck to you! You can beat this addiction!
Brian
The only advice I give is what others on here have given me! The best way to give advice is advice learned from others and personal experience. I have learned so much from all of you wonderful people!
Honestly.... 35mg's is a pretty low dosage and you should be able to recover from 35mg's relatively quickly although you have been on them for 5 years which is quite awhile. When I quit (every 2 weeks) I have a couple days of discomfort but by then end of day 7 or 8 I feel like I never took them. Some people recover faster than others but to answer your question.... "Do you really feel better"? Absolutely 100%. You will start to laugh again and enjoy the small things in life. It really is an amazing thing what happens when we finally get these drugs out of our system.
Trout
Trout
I think it may be too early for me to answer that "correctly"... I feel better about myself that I'm not taking them.... emotionally I'm still picking up the pieces from the oeverall experience.... I still suffer the physical pain that put me on the pills to begin, though not as bad (the pills were tricking me)...I"m fully confident that I will return to myself, hopefully sooner than later. But, today right now, I do not feel better than I did when I was high 4 weeks ago. But keep in mind, I'm only 19 days clean. I've never been more blue in my life (which is only about 2 hours a day I feel depressed) but that is from the pills that I abused for only a short period of time...which tells me how f***ing bad they are. And that is all the reason in the world for me to stay clean. And for me to help others get clean and stay clean.
Flutterby.... You're a great asset to this forum and your honesty shines through the words you type! :) Hang in there.....
You guys are great! I was hoping 35 mg wasn't a high dose. I'll be honest - it would have been much higher if I had access to more. Fortunately, I don't.
Chi-Chi, my mother also died of cancer. Ovarian cancer, after battling it off and on for 10 years. She was only 58 when she died. She and I were VERY close, and I feel robbed of her senior years.
The suggestion about talking to my nephew is a good one, and I'll definitely consider it. He's a great kid. Has VERY dysfunctional parents...but he's making it.
Tapering won't work for me. I've tried it. If they're here, I'll take them. Absolutely no willpower whatsoever! :-)
I did have to go over a week awhile back without anything - didn't do well with my rationing plan!! - and when refill time came, I was feeling better and should have just stayed with it. I didn't. But I should have.
The pain I have is really not enough to even mention. I could probably find other ways to deal with it. I'm a wimp.
Again, you guys are fabulous! I'm proud of all of you. I'm going to go for now, and make myself mop the kitchen floor. But I'll be back!
Chi-Chi, my mother also died of cancer. Ovarian cancer, after battling it off and on for 10 years. She was only 58 when she died. She and I were VERY close, and I feel robbed of her senior years.
The suggestion about talking to my nephew is a good one, and I'll definitely consider it. He's a great kid. Has VERY dysfunctional parents...but he's making it.
Tapering won't work for me. I've tried it. If they're here, I'll take them. Absolutely no willpower whatsoever! :-)
I did have to go over a week awhile back without anything - didn't do well with my rationing plan!! - and when refill time came, I was feeling better and should have just stayed with it. I didn't. But I should have.
The pain I have is really not enough to even mention. I could probably find other ways to deal with it. I'm a wimp.
Again, you guys are fabulous! I'm proud of all of you. I'm going to go for now, and make myself mop the kitchen floor. But I'll be back!
YES you really do !!!!! I am coming from the postion of spending the last 6 months clean ,
and having to use them because of severe abdomial pain . I dont like the feeling of the drug at all ,i liked being clear ,full of energy , .... now is am sleepy and unfoucused......
Live clean gets my vote any day
and having to use them because of severe abdomial pain . I dont like the feeling of the drug at all ,i liked being clear ,full of energy , .... now is am sleepy and unfoucused......
Live clean gets my vote any day
Your story is a replica of mine except I was taking 120 norc and about 100 vic a month coupled with 60 soma every month. I would run out early and try to taper on the meger 10 I had left , so I would count the days then when refilled I would swallow 6 with a great sigh of relief" I had know life " my thought revolved around how many pills I had left till I felt the Discomfort of wd, more important then family pets my health my happiness they were my love . 13 days ago I tapered 54 hours clean, already family notices Im involved in who they are I even watched a movie and was able to crack jokes, before I could not even remember a movie and I very seldom participated in any thing. I have secluded my self from the people for there was know room or place for them, just me and my pills. I think what cemented for me to really give an honest try to quit was when I was on my third day of tapering I was so jittery I could not sit still so I went food shopping with my husband he would ask me a question and I could not understand what he was asking I could not think!!!!!! That scared the **** out of me I actually looked forward to this last withdraw. Sure it takes awhile to feel 100 percent but how I feel now compared to a week ago is amazing. I decided I was sick anyway so just see it thru. I know Im not out of the woods yet, but having my mind back is a great motivator. I wish you luck and hope you decide to stay sick another day limbo
10356 - yep, know those feelings well! I have absolutely no memory, and don't do much besides watching the clock. It's all I can do to remember to pay the electric bill. I procrastinate on everything! Why do it today when I can do it tomorrow? Those closest to me probably know what's going on, but I admit I have a lot of people fooled.
Or at least I think I do....
Later.
Or at least I think I do....
Later.
One thing I you should do is stop getting your prescription filled. If you have to tell your doctor to stop filling them. It will make it more difficult to quit knowing you have a refill coming in say 10 days. I know when I would run out I would just lay around for 10 days thinking I was still having horrible physical withdrawals because I was waiting for my script. When I finally decided to stop taking them my physical withdrawals were over in about 5 days. I just thought I still felt like **** because I was waiting to get my pills to get the high. Most people on here will tell you the first thing you need to do is cut off all ties with the pills. You need to make sure you don't have access to them. Because you know during withdrawals if you can get them it is so hard not too. Are you currently taking them or have you been off of them for awhile? If your still on them maybe come up with a plan on what to do next. Just remember, these are just suggestions. Everyone has their own things that work well. We are all here for you!
Brian
Brian
You need to sit your nephew down and have a long talk with him. I have a teenager and all his friends think we are the coolest parents. The reason for that is because we are honest with them. I tell 'em what drugs can do. If it's pill, pot, meth whatever I tell them like it is. At 15 he has no business taking pain meds. His mom should have them locked away and control giving them to him. We don't let anything other than a vitimin sit out around here. Too many 17 year olds in and out of my house. The kids know all about these pills and they will take them and abuse them. Sorry to go off on that I worry about my kids and eveyone elses.
And you need to step back and look at your life, is this what you want? If so keep getting the prescriptions filled. You will have to make those decisions. I had prescriptions everywhere. You have to stop getting the pills if you want to quit.
I'm not trying to be a hard A or Bi***. I just want you to look at yourself. If you don't want this for your nephew you shouldn't want it for yourself.
I'm here for you if I can support you at all just PM me.
And you need to step back and look at your life, is this what you want? If so keep getting the prescriptions filled. You will have to make those decisions. I had prescriptions everywhere. You have to stop getting the pills if you want to quit.
I'm not trying to be a hard A or Bi***. I just want you to look at yourself. If you don't want this for your nephew you shouldn't want it for yourself.
I'm here for you if I can support you at all just PM me.
Welcome to the forum.You've come to a great place for help and support.
Vics were my DOC also, and i was taking about the same amt......
You have to decide that this is what you want to do.
Getting clean is the easy part...staying clean is the HARD part (the mental part).
It is important to make a plan for some kind of aftercare. Have you ever thought about attending some kind of support group like NA mtgs. , or maybe seeing a counselor to deal w/ the core issues of why you use. If we don't deal w/ the problems causing us to use...chances of relapse are high. I'm not trying to scare you...that is just the reality.
You said the sadness of your mom's passing and your dysfunctional family life are why you used...think about getting some help to work thru your issues w/this.....grief can be soo emotionally crippling. I want you to succeed!
You can PM me if you want to talk more...
We will be here for you. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!
.Good luck and keep posting.
Vics were my DOC also, and i was taking about the same amt......
You have to decide that this is what you want to do.
Getting clean is the easy part...staying clean is the HARD part (the mental part).
It is important to make a plan for some kind of aftercare. Have you ever thought about attending some kind of support group like NA mtgs. , or maybe seeing a counselor to deal w/ the core issues of why you use. If we don't deal w/ the problems causing us to use...chances of relapse are high. I'm not trying to scare you...that is just the reality.
You said the sadness of your mom's passing and your dysfunctional family life are why you used...think about getting some help to work thru your issues w/this.....grief can be soo emotionally crippling. I want you to succeed!
You can PM me if you want to talk more...
We will be here for you. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!
.Good luck and keep posting.
You know, what you've written is what I already know but don't face or apply. My mother was a psychotherapist, and I used to transcribe her notes. I've heard it all. Never thought I would be in this position, because I thought I was smarter than this. When I was a teen, I wouldn't hardly even take OTC stuff.
This also has a genetic linking. I have several family members (first cousins) who are in the same position, but much worse. I do believe addiction has somewhat of a familial relation. Both genetically and how we are taught to deal with things. My family has never been big on solving issues, just dodging them and leaving others hanging.
Chi Chi - thanks for being a hard a$$. It's okay. I needed it.
And Toxictome - I have thought about counseling...have gone as far as to make a decision on whom to see and have communicated with her briefly through email. She is ready whenever I make the appt. Can't go locally - they all know me due to my mother - I'll have to go out of town, which is okay.
TTFN
This also has a genetic linking. I have several family members (first cousins) who are in the same position, but much worse. I do believe addiction has somewhat of a familial relation. Both genetically and how we are taught to deal with things. My family has never been big on solving issues, just dodging them and leaving others hanging.
Chi Chi - thanks for being a hard a$$. It's okay. I needed it.
And Toxictome - I have thought about counseling...have gone as far as to make a decision on whom to see and have communicated with her briefly through email. She is ready whenever I make the appt. Can't go locally - they all know me due to my mother - I'll have to go out of town, which is okay.
TTFN
The only person who is being fooled is you. That is the magic of addiction you are the only one in the dark. Limbo
like you I hovered over this sight for a good long while reading the advice and support of others, taking it in and applying it to myself . these wonderful people have helped me with out even knowing it draw back the curtain to let some light in and help to open my eyes. It sure fills good to feel the sun again. I sure hope you can find the courage to join on the journey, weather you know it or not it has already begun limbo
You will feel better, it just takes time. I did a quick taper from 80 mgs a day down to ZERO all within 7 days. Today was day zero and I feel pretty good except for the lack of sleep, I feel drained but have NO WITHDRAWALS. I have been on OXY's for about 6 months and prior to that Hydros for about 4-6 years due to having a broken neck. Don't worry...I have fully recovered, walking, running and doing whatever i want...just have a "Pain in my Neck" lol
I have been on and off over the years and it is not a way you want to live. TRUST ME!!!!
Get off NOW, you are not taking that much. If you have will power taper. If you don't then throw the pills in the toilet and go CT. Just make sure you have a ling weekend to go through some pain and angany. If I can help you with a taper fire me a PM.
All on this board really helped me BUT it is up to you.
I have been on and off over the years and it is not a way you want to live. TRUST ME!!!!
Get off NOW, you are not taking that much. If you have will power taper. If you don't then throw the pills in the toilet and go CT. Just make sure you have a ling weekend to go through some pain and angany. If I can help you with a taper fire me a PM.
All on this board really helped me BUT it is up to you.
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