Do you want to be my De-tox friend?

[intothedarkagain]

Hi everyone,
I am not sure I am a fluke or what. I have a very special habit. For the last few months I am experienced what I would call a total downward spiral. My dose was about 300-500mg of oxy snorted daily. More if I could get my hands on it.
That’s how much it took to feel normal. I haven’t got a buzz in months. I am trying to fight the dragon. Needless to say I have a problem. I doze out in public, with friends; I have run out of excuses. I fell asleep and crashed my car. I have officially become a danger to the community.
I have de-toxed 37 times in the last 10 years. Each one of them hold a special place of misery in my heart. Yesterday I started my 38th time.
Every time it feels worse than it did before. I feel like am going to die. I am afraid to seek help because what it would do to my reputation. Not that falling asleep in public doesn’t get the whole thing away.
Does someone want to be my de-tox friend? That is what I need right now.
I feel like I am going to die.

Sincerely,
quickdraw from oregon

[illadelphia984]

Good on you! I'll be leaving work in about 10 minutes, but keep going strong! You're damn right you can do it again. I sincerely hope you feel better and pray we'll both be able to get some zzz's tonight.

[bucksfan]

Hey Bud, I will be around. I check the site every few hours. WTG get out of the house! Appreciate the beauty.

[Tom7128]

Hey I know how tough detoxing is, I have 7 days clean today after spending 20 years on methadone. Believe me I have thought about giving up many times these last few days, no sleep, I can't stomach any food and when I do I've got to make a mad dash for the toilet and when I get there I don't know if I'm going to go or trow it back up. It also feels like a cement block has settled permanently over my head, having a conversation with someone that goes beyond saying 'hi, I feel like ****' is out of the question right now.

I have one thing going for me and that's the reason why I am going to get through this. I have built a foundation in NA. I have a sponsor and support from other recovering addicts. In my experience this is the best advice I can give you. Go to a meeting and tell people what your going through. If you can ask for help you will get it there. When they say 'one addict helping another is without parallel because only another addict can best understand and help another addict' That is powerful stuff and take it from me, it is true!

They way you wrote about your addiction to oxy's and how you felt at the end, you could of been writing about me. The only difference would be substitute dope for oxy's and you told what it was like for me. On the computer there's a site called intherooms.com which is all for and about addicts seeking recovery. You can do this, just ask for help. I did and that's why I'm going to be alright

[intothedarkagain]

I’m back from my walk. I walked 5 miles to an abandoned park.
As I walked my legs burned and I felt like I was going to puke, but as I got farther and farther from my origin the pain turned to something else. I started thinking about everything I have done to keep this pet addition of mine alive and I was overcome with guilt. This is the first time I have ever talked to anyone about having a problem. It feels nice to have people to talk to.
I understand what you are saying about going to an NA meeting, but I don’t think I can get away with it. I live in a small town, and word travels fast around here. To compound the situation I work in a profession that does not allow situations like this. They wouldn’t understand. So it feels like I am forced to face this alone. I want to go and talk to people in person, but I can’t have this effect my life any more than it already has. As of right now I still have a job and a loving family. I would like to keep both.
With this I am presented a problem. I have said to myself I am going to stay clean a hundred times over the years, but I forget so fast. Every cycle seems to be getting more and more desperate. I don’t know how I am going to live through another one with the way I feel right now. I keep telling myself that it’s a secret, but I am pretty sure the cats out of the bag to the people close around me. I think you are right.
I need to figure out a way to get help.
The cycle cannot continue.
You friend in agony,
JSmith

[bucksfan]

Awesome about the walk, and if you cannot go somewhere then stay here. This can be used as NA. Just log and read posts and post once a day, it helps tremendously. I really feel your pain bud and wish I could do something about it. Just know you are not alone. I am past the worst part but still feeling the effects as well. If it gets real bad please do not hesitate to contact someone close to you. Coming off OC's may differ than coming off of Codone.

[intothedarkagain]

It is so nice to hear from you.
You are right, for some reason reading about other people’s problems makes me feel like not such much of a dumb-***.
I hate who I have become.
This is not how I planned on celebrating turning 30.
What a drag. I keep wanting something to make me feel better, but every time I have ever done that it makes me forget about it so much faster. I think there is almost something more effective about having a terrible WD. I read about in the Permanent Midnight guys book. He said he hated Suboxone because it made it too easy to quit.
I have started to sneeze and cough a whole bunch. My legs hurt. I can’t set still. I don’t want to eat. I want to sleep, but every hour I sleep during the day is one I can’t sleep at night.
I tried taking benedryl to sleep, but when I wake up I feel even worse and half asleep.
I want to know where Christine is at this right now.
From past experience I have found you can tell how bad a WD session is going to be by the first few hours, and this one so far feels like a doozey.
How many days are you clean again bucksfan?

Sincerely,
JSmith