Don't know how to get out of this mess

[dempseysgirl]

Hi guys, I have been reding these posts for some time and I like the support people get here.. I am 33 years old, have two jobs and I am also working on my bachelors degree. I have lot on my plate, but I have always been that way and I like challenge. I have money, great house, love of a amazing boyfriend of 6 years who wants to marry me and I am dying inside.. I hate myself for putting my beautiful relationship and love of my life before these stupid pills. I was a heroin addict when I was 17. I was just a kid and dealers with that stuff exploded in my small home town.. lot of kids have died.. but I didn't and because of my great support system I went to rehab for 2 months, I left town.. and I never went back to that stuff again.. This was back in Europe.. back home.. Fast forward 20 years and I am living my American dream, I have everything I want.. and I get hooked on oxys.. I cannot believe that it has happened to me again.. I have always "joked around" with few lines of coke or crystal.. but for years, I always did just few and than stopped for a year or two.. I always had control.. Three months ago girl at my work offered some norco and I went for it.. "Damn I work so hard, I deserve little release, right?" "I always know how to stop with everything.. so why not?" Before you know it, I started to buy oxy from her and now I am addicted..  I cannot believe how stupid I was thinking that I will not get hooked. My future mother in law visited after I was taking pills about a month and we went for a trip.. I just took some sleeping pills with me and I got over the withdrawalls so easy.. I felt bad pretty much only on day 3, when I ran out of sl. pills and stared at the ceiling all night with restless leg sindrome.. What do you think.. as soon as I got back, I started again.. thinking.. oh well, it will be just as easy next time.. It's NOT.. I am hooked much more and worse, I cannot go through withrawalls because my boyfriend will NOT understand and he will never believe me again. I cannot tell him. He knows about  my problem when I was 17 and it will scare him to death that I started again. He will never believe me again.. our relationship is based on trust.. I cannot brake that trust.. I know you guys are going to tell me to tell him, but that's NOT an option. I bought some Kratom capsules and tramadol and I want to tapper down.. Do any of you have an experience with Kratom? Can you really tapper down by taking just Kratom?

[vicki595]

I just want to say (for the record lol) I am not in favor of Kratom.  Do some more reading,okay? I will have to stick with the suggestion of tapering with oxy instead.

All the best to you!

[dempseysgirl]

Hi,
I agree with you on the Tramadol.. Someone suggested that that is just another pretty hard stuff.. But I will give Kratom tapering a shot.. As I mentioned to Bama88 I did read few posts from people claiming success with Kratom tapering.. I will be posting on my progress..

Thank you guys for your support! I feel so much better! I can do this! I will also find a NA meeting and try to seak more support through meetings. I am ready to kick this!

[dempseysgirl]

Hi girl,
I have searched through lots of forums and I did see at least three when people claimed some success with Kratom tapering getting off of harder stuff because they said that they did not get high on it.. Just used it to taper down.. I am willing to give it a shot and I will be posting on my progress every day..:-) Did you see my earlier post with the taper schedule I came up with.. I will give it a shot..

[ImDONENoMore]

I agree w/vicki - connecting with a friend who can support you is a great idea.

But I will tell you that I think the kratom and the tramadol are NOT the way to go here... so easy to cross-addict right now and the other posters are right - tramadol withdrawal is the WORST (and I would know believe me).

And as I said, I do think the renewed relationship w/your friend will give you the support you need to do this (along with this place and other forms of aftercare).  And unless you have other medical issues, it is possible to cold turkey from the opiates.  Hard of course, but doable.  Please reconsider this plan okay?  You want to be safe here right?  :)

[vicki595]

I think calling your friend would be terrific!  Perfect!  

It sounds like you're going with your plan...if I could suggest one thing to you: please work on getting to the reason for all of this. You never want to get "caught" like this again. There are so many recovery groups around; maybe you can find one (in your spare time!) that would work for you. Aftercare is what has really saved so many of us...

[bama88]

Wharves kratom. I've never heard of it.