Don't know how to get out of this mess

[dempseysgirl]

Hi guys, I have been reding these posts for some time and I like the support people get here.. I am 33 years old, have two jobs and I am also working on my bachelors degree. I have lot on my plate, but I have always been that way and I like challenge. I have money, great house, love of a amazing boyfriend of 6 years who wants to marry me and I am dying inside.. I hate myself for putting my beautiful relationship and love of my life before these stupid pills. I was a heroin addict when I was 17. I was just a kid and dealers with that stuff exploded in my small home town.. lot of kids have died.. but I didn't and because of my great support system I went to rehab for 2 months, I left town.. and I never went back to that stuff again.. This was back in Europe.. back home.. Fast forward 20 years and I am living my American dream, I have everything I want.. and I get hooked on oxys.. I cannot believe that it has happened to me again.. I have always "joked around" with few lines of coke or crystal.. but for years, I always did just few and than stopped for a year or two.. I always had control.. Three months ago girl at my work offered some norco and I went for it.. "Damn I work so hard, I deserve little release, right?" "I always know how to stop with everything.. so why not?" Before you know it, I started to buy oxy from her and now I am addicted..  I cannot believe how stupid I was thinking that I will not get hooked. My future mother in law visited after I was taking pills about a month and we went for a trip.. I just took some sleeping pills with me and I got over the withdrawalls so easy.. I felt bad pretty much only on day 3, when I ran out of sl. pills and stared at the ceiling all night with restless leg sindrome.. What do you think.. as soon as I got back, I started again.. thinking.. oh well, it will be just as easy next time.. It's NOT.. I am hooked much more and worse, I cannot go through withrawalls because my boyfriend will NOT understand and he will never believe me again. I cannot tell him. He knows about  my problem when I was 17 and it will scare him to death that I started again. He will never believe me again.. our relationship is based on trust.. I cannot brake that trust.. I know you guys are going to tell me to tell him, but that's NOT an option. I bought some Kratom capsules and tramadol and I want to tapper down.. Do any of you have an experience with Kratom? Can you really tapper down by taking just Kratom?

[therealmattj]

you had a heroin addiction when you were younger but now you took 2 to 3 norcos and are at 30mg of oxies a day? You are taking less then what a doctor would prescribe. Dont tell your boyfriend because you dont need to. Dont mentally sabotage yourself. Cold turkey on friday morning before work, and youll be 100 percent for mondays work.

[overopiates]

I WANT TO SHOUT TO U NO DON'T TAKE THE TRAMADOL at all.The detox is way worse and much longer than oxy,norco any of the stronger opiates.Read here u will hear horror stories.If u can taper it is the best way to minimize ur w/d and your not on much.day3is the WORST.U need to taper and the truth is this taper u will have w/d symptoms during that.LOTS immodium,pepto,if u can get a benzo use it sparingly through the detox.Also no one has mentioned grab some excedrin for headaches.If u have benzo u probably won't need sleep aids.also make sure u buy name brand immodium not generic.I understand u have to do this in secret and alone otherwise I would say c/t as u will feel bad the WORST day is3and w/the amount ur taking by day4-5ur gonna b a lot better.If u do the taper ur w/d is probably going to be just about the same during when ur taking ur smallest dose to cold turkey.Ur gonna b fine.good luck but there is absolutely no reason to go from a tiny dose of oxy2trams.that's pointless and switching to an unnecessary drug w/awful w/d.Stick to tapering w/oxy or norco no trams,get ur detox supplies and u will b fine n NO TIME.Don't "treat"urself to anymore drugs.A lot of us have done that easy to walk away then bam ur hooked.I'm not at all surprised this happened as I know exactly how u feel been there with trading addictions.good luck

[vicki595]

No...never stupid when you're trying to do anything to get clean! I understand the dilema... Does your boyfriend ever go out of town without you? LOL! You could sneak a CT in then...

I think Kratom is just a badass little herb/plant/vegetable/tea...so stay away from that.

How long have you been taking the oxy? How much?  

[vicki595]

Okay...I just read the amount you've been taking and for how long...

You can do this without anything else. Taper a little bit with the oxy. Drink plenty of fluids,exercise A LOT,get OTC sleep meds. With your history you really need to steer clear of benzos and sleep meds. Alteril is all natural and really works well for insomnia.

This is more mental than anything else and you can do this; I'm serious. I know you think Tramadol is mild but the stuff packs a punch so be careful there. I wouldn't take it...

Just want to mention here that I know exactly what a junkie looks like: Me.

[dempseysgirl]

Hi,

Thank you about your advise on the Tramadol.. I was not sure but I thought that there may be something about it that is "off.." because I saw people posting about being addicted to Tramadol and mentioning that the WTHRWL form those are really bad.. I will not take the Tramadol. I will start with quarter of oxy in the am and quarter in the PM.. I'll do that for two weeks and try to go to just a quarter  in the morning and 4 caps of Kratom in the evening.. After two more weeks, I'll go to only Kratom.. two in the am and two in the pm.. Hopefully I will not feel too bad that people at work and my boyfriend will not be able to tell I am sick.. I will be posting on here and thank you guys all for your support!! I have cried so much today when I wrote these posts.. It feels so good to be able to tell someone.. someone that understands.. :-)

[dempseysgirl]

Hi,
Thank you for all your advise! I wanted to ask you reg. your post earlier..  What did you mean by "The dos is the worst. I got a hold of restirole for that." I am sorry, I don't understand the short cuts :-). What is "dos"? and what is the restirole for?
Thank you :-)