Had to post this and "fess up"... i made the call...

[udoschoices]

... in my fiendish mind, my fingers dialed as i even knew i shouldnt... and THANK GOD - my Norco source was out. And her guy doesnt have anymore for almost a month.. (the script she was getting) - my moment of weakness that i prayed about and almost hated myself for doing - and its really a sigh of relief. No easy access for me. Really the only reason i was using lately was because it was so damn convenient and easy.. (not that i cant logon to the internet in 2 seconds and get some- but that takes a day or 2 to arrive, which defeats the purpose of the immediate jones)

anyway - i'm confessing because i made the call but luckily nothing there. So i stay on my clean path... i'm actually very happy because i hate to admit it - if she had told me she had 10 i probably would have gotten them and justified it away somehow.

it *****, this fiendish addiction... i despise it how it takes over my thoughts when i have so much going for me right now.. hate it.

this is very hard, i'm doing my best, i really want to stop - and now i'm almost to day 3. MENTAL MENTAL MENTAL.... w/d has been nothing compared to MIND GAMES

[Florida_Guy737]

You had a craving and it worked out for you; we all deal with our cravings in our own way.  For me, exercise was a key replacement and helped get my bod & mind back together to fight the cravings.

Almost 2 years now and things are cool.

Congrats on your clean time...

Guy

[udoschoices]

well the reason i wanted to use is that i'm barely a few days off of the pills so i was craving them.. of course its a lot deeper, we all know that. But in this case the easy access made it that much easier to just get them. As i said, if that was cut-off (which it is now), then i can't pick up the phone and give into my cravings that WE ALL HAVE getting off the pills.. i could go right now and order some off the internet to arrive in 2 days.. but i don't want them. the momentary cravings are the hard part. Naturally, there are deeper issues to work on.. but its not like i'm thinking "oh, i have to cover up this anger or frustration about my step-father from 20 years ago so i want to get high..." - in this case, its just i was craving since i'm barely 3 days from stopping, i wanted some, i tried to call - luckily there weren't any, so i didnt pursue.

not trying to be rude.. because i accept all advice, just for me it was a big step to have made the call in weakness and be told there weren'nt any - so i was like "whew...."  I'm having a good day actually, not thinking about them now, BECAUSE i know they are not easily attainable and i can't give in to the urge. That actually helps me.

[gizzy32]

Way to go on 3 days now bud. I am glad you couldn't get any, but what will happen next time? Your right, it is hard and that's why it's so important to get aftercare. Like I said, now that your posting will help a lot, but I still think you should check out at least one meeting. I agree with sara above, it was not just the easy access you were using. If you could get rid of any pills contacts that will help too, it's just too easy to make that call.

I think your doing great and your honest about your addiction. Don't give in, do what you have to do to STAY clean this time. 3 days, woo hoo:)

[udoschoices]

yeah, i know that... for sure. but actually the cravings were just there - i'm not consciously covering up anything as things are going well for me - but for now, this is my aftercare.

i actually feel pretty good that my source was out so i didnt mess up my clean time.

[dominosarah]

Are you getting any type of aftercare?  I am very glad your source was out...but i dont think you were using just becuz of the easy access to the pills....it goes alot deeper than that.  Keep talking with us as we are here to support you         sara