What have I become?

[KikiMe353]

Hi everybody, I am at the end of my rope. I have been addicted to vicodin 5/500 tabs for almost a year now, amongst other opiates (dilaudid, even heroin...) and have really decided to get clean. The problem is that I have legitimate chronic pain, and after my opiate withdrawals my pain has started to come back. I cried almost all day because of neck and shoulder pain (I have a pinched nerve), but I don't want to go back on the pills. I know I can't take them because I will definately abuse them, and I miss that "altered state" so badly. I feel like if I have to live a sober life and be in pain I might as well just be dead. Please I hope someone has been where I am, I can't ask my family for help I was always the "perfect" friend sister daughter etc....they think I am a liar and that is harder to take than anything. I am supposed to start a new job tomorrow, one I worked really hard to get, and I don't think I can live like this, even though I am not even witdrawing anymore.

[bandnmom]

Every day does get easier and the pain will to. its true that the pain seems worse for a while but i think of it as your body screamin for what you have been giving it for so long. try some hot baths/showers or even a heating pad and take the 800 mgs of motrin! You will start to feel better....i promisee you that! Take care and good luck with the new job!

[worried878]

many of us need the right anti-depressent right now..even if we had never taken one before...may use narcotics  as an AD...now we have to find either some aminos or a prescription ad to see us thru...r u exercising and folloing the recipe?

[dominosarah]

marcatj just gave you some really good advice and some things to try for your pain.  I found out after i had been off my DOC that my pain lessened too.  Now if it gets bad i just take 800 motrin and it takes care of it.  keep posting on here and alot are in bed for the night so look in the morning when they get up.  Stay strong            sara

[marcatj]

ps - try a pain management specialist if you haven't yet, either.

pain management in the last few years has come a LONG way.... a good pain mngmt doctor may be able to give you tremendous relief.  they look at the whole picture....

[marcatj]

hey there...

listen, first give yourself a break. anyone who's been prescribed these for anything over a month usually gets addicted.  you didn't go out looking to get addicted.  it just happened...

so now, you can only move forward and try to get off of them.  that's all you can do. and you CAN do it.

and many of us with chronic pain found that, after a few weeks of being off the narcotics, our pain wasn't nearly as bad as we thought when taking them

if you haven't tried other methods - there are so many to try for chronic pain.  phys therapy, acupuncture, chiro, coritsone shots, certain excercises, etc. etc.  the list goes on...

i too have chronic pain.  ultimately - for me - a few things worked, including a low dose of Suboxone (which is also used for pain,) which also helped me get off the narcotics.  but that is a very personal choice.

you can get off of these pills.  especially since it's only been a year. try whatever it takes.  also know that getting off - believe it or not - is the easy part.  staying off is a little trickier (since we're used to the buzz) and you may need some support there. meetings, counseling, etc.  there's a number of ways.

so try new pain management methods if you haven't yet.  also, i found that ibuprofen 800's (prescription strength) helped me tremendously. who knew??? but it did.  it's helps alot with inflamation, which causes alot of nerve/back/etc/ etc (the list goes on) issues.

you can do this.. you really can.

i know i just tossed out alot of info.  if some is new - think about it.

and keep posting!!!! it helped alot of us get clean.

i'm not sure, btw, if there's alot of people still on tonite.  and i too may **** out soon.  but please know many many others will be on tomorrow and you will find a TON of support here.

welcome.... stay strong.  toss the guilt, and now - just go towards solutions.  it can be done!!!!!!

good luck sweetheartl...
mj