Please give me some advice. I need help.

[AlessandrasMom]

Can you all please give me some advice?
How many people have managed to stay clean while there are always pills in the house?  
My husband had a lumbar fusion back in October and has had 3 knee operations and needs a knee replacement.  Now he needs more surgery on his back, but as he lost his job, we have lost our health insurance as well.  So for the time being the docs keep him on pain meds - Norco.  The docs always mention putting him on something stronger and longer-acting, but he refuses and I am glad for that.  He says he needs them to function properly.  
I've been here a long time and realize myself from all the posts that people actually feel better after they stop the medication.  I know I've done this and my pain has decreased immeasurably.  He doesn't understand this.  Or maybe it's me who cannot understand it and am jealous he has pain meds?  He is not addicted to them (he says), but is very dependent upon them.  I've asked him to try alternate methods - exercise, non-narcotic meds, etc. and he won't.  
We both went ct on Monday and he made it to Tuesday and broke.  I am still on day 5, but struggling.  My addiction counselor tells me every time we see each other that the chance of addicts relapsing with pills in the house is 95%.  I feel like that statistic is planted my head and I will always fail.  How do you stay clean when your partner "needs" these meds?  I hate what I've been thinking of doing, but how else do I accomplish staying clean?  Thanks everybody.

[sway1]

honey it is beautiful. sunny and mild. everythiing beginning its' yearly renewal. just small things like spring blooms and budding trees and shrubs make me feel better. makes me realize how small i really am and that i am not carrying the weight of the world. it's carrying me. i hope the new season will bring you some happiness and that you grab onto it fiercely. blessed be.   sway

[AlessandrasMom]

Swandive, Laurel, and Sway:
You've all given me much good advice.  I appreciate that and the support you've given me.
Right now I'm just absorbing all this and doing some soul-searching.  It's time for me to swap "I can't" with "I can".  I bet it's beautiful in Virginia, Sway!

[sway1]

my house is but small and humble, but we could make room for you. keep posting ok? peace.   sway

[laurel453]

ive just seen your post.

i think you can find very good advices here. please, never lose the will nor stop fighting this, no matter what happens, there will always be a way to be out of the pills.

forget the statistics, maybe even switch to another therapist, if you are not feeling ok with him, change him, you are first. tell your husband not only to hide them but to lock them, see them as the money in the banks, just because they are full with money , we don't go for it. i live in front of the pills (pharmacy), i could go and buy them if i wanted, you see.

as helpin told u, you are stronger , you can be stronger and you'll be stronger than those pills. be sure, its a matter of time :) time to find your way and time to find whatever helps u, ie, posting here whenever you feel weak or so, talking to us ...... good luck, m. :)

[swandive222]

keep fighting it!!  you CAN be that 5%!!  grrrr, i hate statistics too!!  mtgoat said something really good:

"i stayed clean in this environment because i wanted a different life."

just keep thinking about that different life you want!!!  i went cold turkey 32 days ago now b/c i ran out of my RX early as usual.  It was a blessing in disguise!!  Anyway, I was able to pick up my pain killers from the pharmacy 5 days after my w/d started.  I said to myself, "i have got to change!!"  i can't and don't want to live this way forever!!  my mom did end up picking up my pain killers from the pharmacy and she has them out of sight.  i totally agree with out of sight out of mind!!  honestly, since i don't see them i don't think about them.  it's all willpower and mind strength!!  you want to change and are changing so that is on your side!!  it can be done!!  you and i both can be that "5%" that can have pills stored away somewhere in the house and not want to use them!!!

keep fighting!!

jess :)

[kimmieb]

way to go :-)  you KNOW i'm in your court and always will be!  sophie was right on :-)
keep up the good fight....pm me and let me know how you're feeling today, ok??

luv,
kim

[AlessandrasMom]

Ahhhh, Sophie!  I was writing my reply when you posted so don't think I left you out on purpose!  You have helped me sooooooo much these last couple of weeks and I can't stress that enough.  You are such a wonderful person and a great friend as well.  I know my self-confidence is so low that it's not helping me out at all in this situation.  But thanks to you, I've certainly been learning to gain it back, little by little.  You've played a huge role in that.  Thank you my friend!

[AlessandrasMom]

Cathy - thank you so much for the support, it mean so much to me!

VicAddict26 - Way to go - 26 days!  I have to realize like you said, that I will probably come into contact with them many times in my life.  I just have to deal with it.

dominosarah - No, he doesn't leave them laying around, he hides them.  It's like I have some type of radar though.  He's not real quiet about taking them and talking about them though and I've asked him repeatedly to stop.

strongwoman - I HAVE to be that 5%, I just have to be.  Thanks so much!

eagle, I think I have to stop thinking about the statistic as well.

Utah - thank you so much for the advice and support.  I will have to start posting here much more.

mt - you always have such good advice for everybody.  I am thinking about switching counselors as I don't think he should have mentioned that either, or some of the other things he does as well.  He's sort of negative and I don't think I need that right now.

I'm looking on-line for meetings in my area as well.  I can't have too much aftercare.  It's time I just put my "big girl panties" on and deal with this.  I can be that 5%, I have to keep telling myself that.

So thank you everybody - I won't stop fighting to stay clean.  

[SophieShine]

You know what I think sis'... You are an incredibly strong woman, and a tough cookie too, LOL. But you don't know it yet. You gotta start to believe in yourself, build up that self-confidence again. You are so worth it. You're intelligent, articulate, funny, beautiful from inside out and so generous. But I told you that before.
Now you better start to believe it Missy, ya hear! lol
Kick hubby's butt for me!
xxx. sophie.

[mtgoat911]

your therapist should not have thrown out that statistic, addicts do not do well with statistics
you do not have to relapse because you husband has to take pain meds
you can goto meetings, work on a relaspe prevention plan, and start helping others get clean
you never have to use again!!!
i personally lived with someone on methaodne my first year clean, in a innercity hotel room surrounded by crime and drug dealers, i stayed clean in this environment because i wanted a different life
i also do not relaspe every time i visit my family who keep alcohol in there house,
my husband did not relaspe when i went through chemo and took darvocet,
if i played along with the statistics i would be dead!!!!!!

[HelpinUtah]

Honey, you can be that 5%!!!  I know it!!!  My mother has Lortab in our house and there have been times I have been tempted, but then I come here and post and the response is always amazing!  Or, I remind myself how hard it was going cold turkey and how depressed I was later on and I know it's not worth it!  Try to self-talk as much as you can and keep telling yourself, "I am stronger and better than those pills!"  I mean it - it works for me.  But, when you feel tempted, come here and let everyone help you.  You are loved and cared about here and we want you to succeed!  YOU CAN DO THIS!!!  

I agree that maybe ask hubby to hide his pills.  In the beginning, you'll know that they are there, but over time you'll stop thinking about them being in the house somewhere.  I forget that my mother has them until something stressful happens and then like I said, I have to remind myself and come here for support!

Lots of prayers and love headed your way!  I'm also saying prayers for your hubby that he will get to where you are and want to be away from the pills!  Love & Hugs, Janet

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

I agree with sarah - out of sight and out of mind. Have him stash his stuff at work or in the trunk of his vehicle ...... I wouldnt want to speculate on which side of the percentages I would be on if there were pills just sitting around.... and possibly going to waste?

[strong_woman]

be the 5% who survive it you have come this far.....u have to be strong a pill is temporary but your inner strength lasts forever concentrate on that you will win...

[dominosarah]

Are these pills sitting out??  If they are maybe try having your husband lock them up.    Your counselor says 95% of the people relapse with pills in the house........You can be part of that 5%.......You are stronger than you think.......stay strong         sara

[VicAddict26]

I am 23 days clean from taking about 300 mg of hydro's daily,, right now it's going to be hard but if you find it inside yourself to say no you will become stronger, in my profession there will be times that I have to handle the meds that I abused,, I know that it has to come within to be able to WANT to say no instead of wanting to take them,, I have came in contact with them 1 time so far in recovery and I said no,, That made me unbelievably more determined that I can do this,,, It's a long road and you are going to need a lot of support but it is possible to say no to these drugs even though we're addicts..

[cathy5841]

oh hun, i am sorry, but you are in a tough spot.  i am not sure i could have stayed clean with pills in my house.  i really dont have an answer for you, but i wanted to show some support...maybe some one else can help you out.  in the meantime if you need to chat i am here...