Feels like withdrawl again?!?!?!

[Workinghardtobreakfree]

Morning everyone.
I am not feeling well today at ALL. Racing heart, running nose, stomach feels horrible, back is killing me. I feel like I did back at day 4-5 of Oxy withdrawl (although minus the mental torment and wishing for death) and I am almost one month into it.
October 26th I had my last single pill. I threw my last two pills away. Dont think there werent times I didnt agonize over those two damn pills. Oh I did! And for the first time in a week or more I had this nagging thought today. "God I wish I kept those pills, I would feel so much better right now". Yea, two pills,. I of course would not have them still. DUH! LOL But oh my brain popped out that little tid bit a few minutes ago, just to mess with my physical stuff. What the heck. Why is this happening ALL over again? Is this normal? I haven't taken any thing, cold medicine, or alcohol, to mess with my head or any thing, but here I sit, with my stomach cramps and runny nose, baffled, and so darn tired of struggling.
I KNOW it is worth it. I am trying to focus on the positive. But I tell you I am feeling worn out. I hate that I allowed myself to get stuck in such a trap that started off as simple chronic pain control. How stupid was I?!?! Hind sight is 20/20 and I wish I had known then what I know now. But words cant describe the true FEELING of this hell. Oh no, it must be experienced to be believed. UGH.
Today I will stay clean. But oh boy is this feeling like an up hill battle today. Strange.
Just need some thoughts on why this is happening and support to fight another day? Any experience with re-withdrawing?
I want to get through this. I will get through this.
My thoughts are with you all and wishing strength to everyone who needs it today.
I sure do!
XO
K

[gnarly_1]

HI sometimes symptoms will pop up lat into recovery but its rare more likely you got a touch of a bug or the flu treat it like that force the fluids mabe some flu meds and see if your not better in a few days good luck and God bless........Gnarly

[wantfreedom495]

I also quit Oxy on October 26th. It has not been a cakewalk. But, I'll tell you this, even if it feels like you are back on Day 5 at least you are not at Day 1 or 2. If you think back to your reasons for quitting, you will likely remember how much of a fog you were in and how much you wanted your life back. On Day 27, I was on this board asking why I felt so bad. On Day 28, I felt better. This stuff had a terrible grip on us. It does take time to heal. Stay with us workinghrd. I know that if I use again, nothing will change. I'll be right back in that nightmare. This way, you and I both have a chance.

[clean_in_ks]

Congrats on a whole MONTH!!  I am finding that what I put in my body (any Rx) and for how long effects me NOW.  I only have 5 mos and abused my body much, much longer than that!  JUST NOW, certain things are starting to level out.  I still have racing heart, panic attacks, and for sure lots of back pain.  But, I read the PAWS part 1 article in the Health Pages (bottom r.h. corner) and that comforted me some with my slow physical recovery and brain that just doesn't "think and process" like it used to.  A feeling of helplessness that I couldn't identify.  Each symptom for me has come and gone.....then reappeared.  I am totally off every single Rx now and am determined to give my abused body and brain the same amount of time to heal as it took me to destroy so many functions.
The PAWS part 1 article talks a lot about diff things that occur and continue to occur at diff milestones, like 30, 60, 90 days and even longer and at diff times for each of us.  It helped me, hope it might help you!

[storminnrmn]

I am in the same boat. Same last day and everything Oct 26. Yesterday was a tough mental day and today I physically feel terrible. Didn't drink or anything either. Just tired, headache, sore and mentally drained. Hang in there! There will be good days and bad. If you get through the bad, the good will feel that much better.

[Livingtodaylikeitsmylast]

Yep, keeping busy is good, but don't wear yourself out!  Working doubles eh!  Are you sleeping at all, maybe that has something to do with it!  Take care of you and let us know how you are doing after work.  Have a great day!

[Workinghardtobreakfree]

Thank you thank you.
Sorry for short reply I am on my phone now off to work a double shift. Your posts give me strength and the courage to forge ahead.
Thank god I will be busy today. Enough to stay out of my head I hope. LOL
Better to be here than where I was four weeks ago. I wanted to die.
Thank you for posting. I desperately needed it
K

[ImDONENoMore]

I can't really explain the why's for this either, but I can tell you it was that way for me.  In fact, the first three months my withdrawal symptoms would return and it was upsetting and confusing.

I'm figuring it's just how the human body works... it takes a long time to heal after we've abused the drugs for so long.  But try to remind yourself that THIS time you are headed in the RIGHT direction.  It'll help get you through these difficult days.

[Livingtodaylikeitsmylast]

Well, I can't help with why it's happening again, because I am way behind you.  I can't wait till I can say it's a month for me.  I pray to God, you have the flu and it's not WD's, cause I certainly would not wish this on my worst enemy.  (and she is a pretty ****** person....lololol).
But what I do have to offer is that you are NOT stupid in any way.  You didn't "allow" this to happen to you.  No one and I mean no one chooses this for their life.  We don't have that much control.  It takes us over, a little by little, without us even being away it is happening.  I certainly am not "stupid", I didn't make this happen to me, I didn't know it was happening.  We have all made some pretty stupid decisions.  But its time to let the past go and focus on how wonderful you are doing now.  Look at you a whole month without pills, that is amazing and deserves a medal.  And the thoughts, the ones that catch you off guard and you can't even believe you are having them, they happen to all off us.  I don't think that will ever go away.  Like with me, I am in such a financial mess right now.  I claimed bankruptcy and was so far behind in bills and stuff AGAIN that I thought I might even lose my house.  I ended up refinancing my mortgage and you know what I actually thought, "if I just took a couple thousand, I could buy enough pills to get me through the holiday season....I would just do them on the weekends and the actual holidays, when I "really" need them.  It would just get me through".  Bahahahahaha!  We all know that I would be on my a s s, worse off then I ever was and right back at it, hardcore!  But the thoughts are always there.  Some days are great, and some are still unbearable, but remember you quit because you had enough!  You are doing great.  Keep posting and venting and asking questions.  We are here for you.