Fiance has been using Oxycontin for 9 months

[concernedfiance]

I just found out last week that my fiance has been snorting oxycontin for the last 8-9 months. I found out because he was lying and I accused him of having an affair with a coworker. She told me the truth that they were not sleeping together, but were snorting oxycontins a few times a month. After he was "caught" he told me that he would do it sometimes 3 times a day, but would detox for a week or so. He says he does this only when it's available to him  (he was selling them to the coworker). Obviously I am not a fool, but we have a child together and I want to believe him that he has stopped. He went through withdrawl these last few days (July 15th was his last time) and seems to be ok now. I am concerned that since I did not notice this before that I would not recognize this if he went back to using. We are waiting to get some help, whether pyshcologically or from medication (if he is depressed or anxious or something) so that is a bonus that he wants to get help, but I am still trying to understand this addiction. I am not into drugs and have never been this "close" to any of them or any addicts. Is there symptoms or behaviours...anything that I can "catch" to free my mind from distrust right now, when the thought of him away from me is making me question him?

[concernedfiance]

Oh we are also getting married in less then 3 weeks and I really do not want to have to call off the wedding.

[Mandapanda17]

Hi there! well, I tend to be pretty irritable when I'm ON the drugs, When I'm off the drugs I'm generally too anxious and tired to be irritable. Now everyONE is different as far as this goes. How does he seem to be sleeping at night? If hes used for a while it would seem to me that if he IS sleeping (without taking something to help him sleep?!), then you could assume he MAY still be using. If hes not sleeping well, could be a good sign that hes clean. Do you know if he takes anything at night for sleep? I just know from my expieriences that if you go cold turkey off pain meds. you're NOT going to get restful sleep for at LEAST 2 weeks without something to help you sleep. Example would be melatonin, benzos (valium,xanax,etc). That'd be something you could pay attention to! Hopefully this helps a bit and I'm sure you'll get some more input on here soon!! :) Its great you're concerned and want to find out more about this.

[twolve]

im sorry nobody has answered you yet, i almost posted to your original question but i didnt know what i wanted to say and i always want to be helpful when answering peoples questions. i think i was very similar to your fiance..i snorted oxys for about a year but not every day, it became daily the last few months and i felt it grab a hold of me and thats when i decided to quit cold turkey two weeks ago. i kept this all from my girlfriend and to this day she has no idea..i can tell you this, and i really want you to hear what im saying because its the dead honest truth..my addiction in NO WAY impaired my love for my girlfriend, i lied to her sometimes about where i was going, like saying i was going to the store and id go buy a pill and come right home. we have an amazing relationship and she still doesnt know about it. your fiance has a problem but you shouldnt feel like you need to leave him, because he is still that person you fell in love with. the key is whether he wants to change. i quit more for my gf than for me and she doesnt even know. theres a good chance he used more than he even told you so im betting the w/ds will be rough. he will appear to be in a fog and not enjoying anything for about a week. if he seems happy or upbeat odds are he used because for about a week or so you couldnt do much to make me smile. i can honestly say that it wasnt as hard as i thought it might be to quit, but thats cuz i wanted to. if he doesnt want to then there isnt a thing you can do. i hope that helps and ill honestly answer any question you have.

[concernedfiance]

He use to be a horrible sleeper, up until 2-3 am most nights then crash and be irritable. He has told me that he can't sleep when he's on it but only wants to sleep when he comes off...he can't stay awake he says. To me this is the OPPOSITE of what everything on the net says about this stuff so I am really confused...I found valum (or another name that is the same stuff) in his car along with  Benzydamine. He said he was going to use them to detox slowly...so after reading that Recipe on here I understand where he might be getting such an idea from. He seems to be sleeping fine now, I gave him 1/4 of a gravel on Friday night because he asked me and said he was having trouble sleeping...I felt bad giving it to him, but I also understood it was only gravel..but you know it's always something! lol.

[concernedfiance]

Oh he has melatonin pills in the kitchen.

[twolve]

when i was on the oxys i would go to sleep at like 11 and wake up around 9 for school and i could have slept way later. when i got off of them for about a week or so i needed tylenol pm to sleep and i couldnt sleep past like 6-7 am. now i am starting to get back to sleeping normally. snorting oxys gives you energy so i kinda see why he says he doesnt sleep but they relax you so much that im surprised he "cant" sleep when on them. i know people that wouldnt want to sleep while on them because they enjoyed the feeling so much. the fact that you found melatonin pills and valum and stuff are all signs of trying to quit so thats good. i just wonder why he wont completely open up to you about the process of him quitting. i know that if someone approached me when i was quitting i would have spilled my guts about anything and everything just so somebody could understand, but i wasnt about to tell somebody who didnt know.

[cathy5841]

ususally an oxycontin snort when high will nodd off.  meaning they cant sit still for very long without napping.  i snorted for over a year.  they also have secrets and spend absurd amounts of time in the bathroon (or their snorting room) lol.  good luck...there are also drug test at cvs to test for opiates.

[concernedfiance]

twolve, Thanks for the support on this...When I first learned of what he was doing I thought that the drug was making him more "excited" like taking ectasy or something, but he says it does the opposite for him....did that happen to you to?
With his attitude these last few days he has "happier" moments, but it's usually because I'm trying to lighten the mood up a bit. We went to a wedding because I thought it was a good idea and they were close friends or ours. I wasn't with him 24/7 but he seemed to be in better spirits, besides smoking like a champ, but he is definitley finding certain people stressfull right now...my son and my mother...lol...right like who doesn't find their mother in law stressfull!

[twolve]

Well from what I hear it sounds like there is no reason to believe he is using again. I think everyone reacts a little different to it, especially since people take it for different reasons. Although its hard for me to admit I believe I am the worst kind because I was purely recreational never had it prescribed always had to pay for it. I have never been in trouble, always had good grades, fun to be around so it was just so weird for me to think of myself as someone addicted to pain killers. For me I would go to school and baseball practice and there was nothing better in my opinion than coming home, taking a shower, snorting some oxy and doing homework. when i didnt have one it would throw everything off, i didnt want to do the homework and i would just sit there and obsess over finding any pain killer. oxy was my first choice but if u put a few vikes in front of me or any kind of opiate that was fine by me. it just allowed me to be happy and have energy, but it was such a burden. think about waking up each day and the first thought is either "snort a pill" or "damn i have to find one"..and most dealers sleep till 12 or 1 because they themselves are so drugged up so waiting until you could get one was horrible..and making excuses to go somewhere to my gf it was just so awful..these last two weeks havent been easy on me..but they havent been that hard either..its life..nothing is easy all the time..but i feel like a good person again..ive always been a good person..but without the addiction i feel like other people should view me as a good person..when i was using i would think.."man if they only knew what i just did in the bathroom they would think im such a loser"..and they would be right..but not anymore.

[Mandapanda17]

I think those are good signs that you found the 'sleeping' meds around. I know things like that could help you sleep when going thru withdrawal. I think the drugs gave me energy but I know oxys are a bit different than what I was taking. A little stronger, so they could make you sleepy too. keep posting, it helps! ;)

[concernedfiance]

See I'm still confused because the terms "happy" and "energy" keep comming up, and that's what he seemed like on it, or at least what I can say he was like looking back now. He would goi an organize the garage for like 6 hours....work on his car from morning to night....not get much sleep, but then crash a few days later. He didn't seem interested in sex...which is odd...he's a guy right? so I knew something was up, but had no idea it was drugs. He says he does them on his way home in the car, or at nigh tin the garage or on breaks at work with this coworker.

Is this "pinhole pupil" a correct judgement of using? I read that somewhere...

[twolve]

happy and energy would probably be the two words most oxy users would use to describe how they felt..organizing the garage sounds like he had the energy to do that from the pills..i would honestly write the most amazing papers when i was on oxy..thats not to say i cant do that now that im off of them..but at the time it felt like that was the reason why i did it. it just numbs everything in your body so your not aware of anything negative and it allows you to focus on what you want..like say you begin to organize the garage not on oxy..sometime through it you might say my back hurts im gonna stop or im getting tired im gonna stop..but on oxy you wouldnt feel stuff like that..plus when you snort it, its just a straight rush to your brain..which is why its harder to stop because your brain is looking for that next rush. as far as the sex, i enjoyed having sex on it because you could last however long you wanted..sounds weird but for a guy thats a pretty big deal..after being off the pills i realized sex wasnt as good on the pills for me because your kinda numb you dont get the full feeling..

[concernedfiance]

Another question....the coworker told me they only do one line every few weeks...is that what snorting is?? a line or is she admintting they do something else?

[twolve]

yeah you snort a line..oxycontin is a pill but people just crush it and snort it..like i said i have admitted to two of my friends what i had been doing but for some reason i lied about how much i was doing and i dont even know why..the most important thing is quitting if he can quit then who cares how much they were doing..for someone doing oxys for 9 months i doubt he went many days without it, especially if he was selling them..id be surprised if he went any days without it..i only did when i absolutely had to

[concernedfiance]

Is it possible that he is lying and is doing Methadone instead?

[twolve]

anything is possible. do you have any reason for thinking that?

[concernedfiance]

He told me te coworker has an addiction the methadone...she was on it to get off the oxys. I'm just wondering if he's just saying oxycotin because its easier to accept??? I find it so hard still to think of him snorting something up his nose...that is not the person I fell in love with and certainly not the person I had a child with..

[Coolio Hernendez]

Well i think that sex would be the last thing they were doing.....Thats how my wife knows that i am doing the pill's....Because i cant get into sex.....So atleast you have that.......I also think Methadone,Oxy Suboxone Percocite Vics Opana...Its all the same....You do to much to get high then you feel like **** for a week when you quit...

Good Luck...

[twolve]

it honestly helps me to hear you say things like that..when your doing it your not even thinking like that..to reassure myself that it truly does gross people out to think about snorting something up their nose in a weird way it is good to hear..i just keep thinking about my gf finding out and realizing that the girl who thinks the absolute world of me no longer feels that way..i dont think id be on this message board today if it wasnt for her..id probably be on pills thinking nothing is wrong..it wasnt until i quit that i realized how messed up it was that i was snorting oxys..i was in some kind of denial that i was different than those "junkies"..id see the guys i bought from and id say to myself "thank god im not like them"..but i was on that path..thats for damn sure

[james2069]

If you are going to get married I am afaid maybe your fiance is quitting only on the accoun tof you to please YOU!, This is never why an addict must quit, if he is not ready to quit on his own he will end up back using! Me and my wife have been going through this over and over for years, finally I quit only one week ago, but I did it, I WANTED this this time, I did it for me! NEVER allow him to go to the methadone clinic, addicts go here thinking it will help, or maybe even like me My wife wanted me to quit so I went there to make her happy and get me a buzz, after almost 2 months of going there, I realized that place was the devil and if I didnt get out then, I never would, that **** ***** you in and when you get spit out you wish you never went htere,  the withdrawl from that is unlike any other!! The worst, tell him go coldturkey that is the ONLY way to go and then you also learn your leason, to stay the **** away from opiates! Good luck to you, addicts can only help themselves!

[concernedfiance]

You know it's very hard to trust someone who not only lied about what they were doing but also that they were doing it in the first place. I have decided to trust him that he has stopped doing them...or anything...but I'm stuck in this world now where I don't know what he's doing at work with this coworker even thought he says they are no longer friends. It hurts and it's making this so much harder then it is...any advice from addicts out there for a loved one who is trying to trust?

[Mandapanda17]

I guess you're going to have to just have trust in him. I know thats hard. I honestly don't know how my fiance still trusts me. I started being 100% honest with him about a month ago, when I was scared and knew I needed help. I think that if you let him know that you are there to help no matter what, he will be more likely to be honest with you. I read your above posts about wondering if he was taking methadone, I think you might be able to tell if he was. I had a SHORT lived experience with that last week for a day and I almost couldn't function at all. very drugged up.. my friend who takes it is also visibly on drugs. shes acting a lot weirder than she was when she was on oxys or vicodin. hopefully some of this helps! ;)

[wannabefree330]

Have you asked him if he would consider changing jobs?  Would that help at all?  There will always be that doubt there now whenever he tells you anything?  it is hard for us addicts to win back the trust of our loved ones.  It takes a long time for that to happen, and you don't have to just magically trust him right now.  Just be honest with him.  Tell him that you're having a hard time trusting, but you are working on that and trying.  Really doesn't matter where he's working, if he wants to use, he'll find it.  

[concernedfiance]

I agree wannabefree330. He has always found people in any situation he was in that had some kind of drug habit. We are going to get help to find out why he does that because he doesn't even know. A doctor last week says he might be trying to self medicate a problem like ADD or anxiety. But again he just doesn't know. Changing jobs isn't the answer it's just a bandaid...I would like her to leave though, but again only a bandaid...the root cause has to be addressed, but my trust is shattered and I'm like 2 weeks away from walking down the isle with him....This has come at the worst time.