Finally eating something

[scaredmommy2005]

So today is day 2 of clean time and day 3 of withdrawals. I'm sitting here eating raw veggies and I can actually eat them. For the past 2 days I would even gag trying to drink water. I also went to my interview today.... SOBER!!! Felt like crap but I think I nailed it!! Hope tomorrow is a better day. I actually just hope I don't wake up freezing covered in sweat. I'm getting my clean time back!!

[scaredmommy2005]

You will do this! We are doing it together! I will keep praying for you as well. Have you ever done counseling? I haven't but I am this time with an addiction grief doctor. It took some searching but I found one who will see me on a sliding scale and I only have to pay $12.50 a session. I am so excited! My appointment is not until next we'd but that's ok. I can make it until then. I'm right now taking it hour by hour. I can't do day by day yet but I know I will be able to soon. Right now hour by hour is working for me. I flushed the last pill my mom saved in case I needed it and boy did that cause mixed emotions but it's done and gone and I wont ever look back nor will I need it!

[hiding288]

Im on day 7, with 1 pill slip, I believe Monday nite.  So my withdrawal physically is not too bad, its the mental functioning that is outta control, making me very depressed, and some anxiety.  I just pray to God we see light reeall soon here.  I need a ray of hope, and some confirmation that I will definitely dont see me gettin my mind, and joy back.  It just gets worst every time you relapse, Im telling you the truth.  I have always been so strong minded, and confident, this mess has brought me to my knees, actually it has got me on my face on the floor to God! Askin for his mercy, and grace, to bring me through, and restore me.  That is what is got me hangin on right now, with the help of the good people on this forum, including yourself dear. Thankyou, and I have us all in my prayers.   This is the hardest thing I have ever had to overcome.  I cant believe Im in the ring again with this!  Hope I can knock it out for good this time!!!

[scaredmommy2005]

I'm sorry this is your 3rd time. It's my second time this year but we can do it! What day are you on? Day 2 or more? I'm here if you need to talk!

[hiding288]

Wow, that is great, Im so depressed I dont wanna eat, been drinking ensure.  from time to time my stomach wants to eat tho, it does growl, I have not ate in 2 days!  My husband just said it to me......Im concerned, you havent ate honey!  Of course......I growled at him...........saying I know I have not ate!  I dont want anything!  Im not well, I cant eat!  I feel awful that I am putting him through this mess too.  He is so sweet, and supportive, but I swear, I feel like Im outta my mind most of the time.  The last time I quit, I too was much more motivated, and determined and believed in myself.  This time, which is my 3rd time in a yr. (please dont let that discourage you, or your progress)  Everyone is different okay.  I just cant get that strong determination going, Im 90% sure that it is God that is giving me the strength, and the what seems to me......the lil will to fight this thing everyday.  Im not sure what Im doing, or even what the outcome will be....meaning, hope I get my mental functions back on track reeeallll soon here, but I just remember how happy, I was the first time I quit, so Im banking on that coming back to me.

So I fight.  I just pray to God, that Im right, I must get me back.  I need my joy back.  I cannot live like this!  So if you are eating.....Praise God, and keep up the good work.  Eat, Eat, Eat!  because I wish I could.  Lobster tails is one of my favorites, I have some in freezer, I dont even want them!  Now you know I got to be sick!  

[scaredmommy2005]

I can do this and I will do this! It hurts and it's hard but I want me back!

[coconuts27]

Thats Awesome. Congratz on your interview. Glad it went well for you. That just goes to show you that you can do this.