Fioracet W/ codiene/ fioranal w/o coediene & darvocet

[mommyshouldntbehere]

Okay. here goes.  new here! hi-ya. nobody knows of any of this, and I feel so all alone. I'm your typical at-home mom who loves my husband and children more than anything on earth. I love God eternally, but I also have a deep solo-secret...

I don't have a lot of time, but I'm going to dish quick, so I can get an answer by the time I return home.
I started darvocet while pregnant, because I get mirgraines so severly and couldn't take imitrex while preggo. that was 5 years ago. On and off, I've had that refilled, since it does help, and doesn't have the nasty imitrex side effects that I get.  I then got pregnant soon after (our kids are 22 mo. apart) - on the same thing...

Once children and breast-feeding were done, I went back on Imitrex, treximet, maxalt, relpax, etc, all of wich my body chem. has taken to worse now to them, than before, giving me such bad side effects I'd rather suffer with the headaches... at any rate - I was prescribed the fioracet. both with and w/o coediene, with asprin at times, sometimes not. I come up with stories to switch, I have been doctor hopping (some docs are becomming aware of this, now)  I am an "on and off addict", I believe. right now, my finances and marriage is rather in shambles, my kids and my pills are really the only thing making me happy. I feel I neeeeeed them both.  I know I need my kids, but I know I DO NOT need these pills. I'm taking (at the moment) about 6-8 (every four hrs) pills a day the fioracet w/codiene. I don't know how to get off, and I AM RUNNING OUT AND MY INS. WON'T REFILL YET - TOO SOON....(I've been upping from my usual 4-6 to 6-8 to get through some rough days OR to really get rid of the headache, OR to prevent... however, my concern is...
I don't want to withdrawl.... I know it can be dangerous and my brothers best friend died from drug issues... at any rate.. I have both fioranal (without) codiend, with ASPRIN, not tylenol... as well as Darvocet in my "care" right now... can I keep taking them as a substitute right now?  I want off, but I don't know how to correctly "wean"  My next script will be my last, as it's my last refill, for 40 pills (of the fioracet w/codiene) - as soon as I can get it... but it's the last doc that doesn't "know" and there's no way around being DONE at this point.  
How can I quit?  Advice?
I canNOT tell my husband at this point, since our marriage is already rocky...really rocky.
I can't lean on my friends for fear of judgement and my parents, they have had to already deal with two extreme drug addictions with my brothers - I can't break their hearts too. What do I do? Help!!!!  
I should also mention that I have anxiety and ocd (fear of dying, mostly, fearing me to do many things and fear of cancer) - so I am supossed to be taking Prozac, 40 mg. daily, but I'm too afraid to mix it with anything else I take (pain-med-wise) that I haven't taken them much.... Husband is noticing my mood changes (probably from the pain meds)  -- I also have kolonapin (can I take that as a detox method?)  I need help and nowhere to go!

I stay at home, like I said and I'm very lonely, and don't have many friends. I'm a really hands-on mom who loves to be with and do things with my kids. we really do bake and do art, daily... but these pills have taken over, I need to watch the clock for my 4-hr mark, and I hate it!!!

Oops- this wasn't sort after all... thank you in advance,
Mom who should have never gotten to this point...
:( :( :( I'm really disapointed in myself. What started off as an "innocent" pill to help my horrid headaches (that I've had since I was 11) -- turned into a physical addiction and emotional crutch. :(

[laurel453]

you speak of  going for a doctor's help as if it were something not good and i think you were the one judging Vicki not she ...Besides it is not as much as the quantity as we are all addicts...we really need help with our behaviour... if we keep finding excuses to use then it is the time to find some help, this is what viki tried to tell you... Maybe you are feeling so down that you are taking her words the wrong way but you don't have to leave the forum because of this... we are our worst enemies, we are impulsive and controlled by our inmediate emotions... don't let a moment ruin your work fighting addiction, please :)

[dominosarah]

Come back and talk to us.......sara

[loveJwhite]

This didn't go so well. That's too bad. I will keep you in my thoughts...as far as I can tell, no one was judging you, only tring to help you...good luck dear.

[vicki595]

Do not lecture me!!!   Do not tell me what I should know!!!   I've been very sensitive to you and your feelings.  I've given you my time and some excellent advice!!  You can't follow it.  You need a lot of help. My understanding is not going to help you. You need therapy and probably in-patient treatment.  And you need to get it pretty quickly...

There's nothing more I can do for you at this point.

[mommyshouldntbehere]

I know you were there - that's why I said it - I wasn't trying to be rude - just that you should know how I am feeling...

[mommyshouldntbehere]

thank you.