***need your advice to avoid trigger*****

[joann1975]

I am about 9ish days off lortabs. I tapered. I am not good at counting the days. I just know this weekend is really going to be the test for me. We are going to a sporting event for my niece and it is about an hour and a half drive from here...that I can handle....my Mom called and wants to ride w/us. Now I am freaking. Of all the things in this whole world she is probably my biggest trigger and probably the deep down reason I use. Without going into a lot of details she just puts me over the edge NO MATTER WHAT and always has. I am kind of starting to get freaked about it...but the other part of me is just trying to pretend like it isn't happening. I do take on a regular basis (but have NEVER abused it b/c I don't like the downers) clonazepam...I considered taking them with me to break in 1/2 but that is just trading one addiction for another....but this early in my recovery don't I need to do everything I can to stay off the lortabs?

I am trying to not get too freaked b/c there is a big chance she will flake out and not go with us and I will have gotten worked up for nothing but I need to be prepared if she does. Also, to add to it she can't sit in the back seat of our truck b/c we have the suicide doors and she can't handle not having control of being able to open her door whenever she wants.....well after so long w/my back I get uncomfortable in the backseat. I am fine taking turns but she won't even do that. So I know my back will flare up with that and the sitting either on the ground at the game or in lawn chairs. The pain I will get over but throw her in with it and ..... man I don't know. Also, I get b!tchy and take it out on my poor hubby and then you know where it goes from there.

Sorry for rambling I am just getting nervous about this and any advice would be appreciated greatly!! Thank you in advance!

[cathy5841]

well, i for one am surprised by some of the  responses here.    since you only 9 days clean, and CAN NOT tell your mom she cant ride with you,  i think you have to do whatever it takes to stay clean.  if that means taking a benzo, so be it.  joann, you are such a sweetie here on the forum.  you will be fine to day...i have faith in you.  when getting responses here you have to learn to take the good and laugh at the bad.  i will admit some are pretty funny.  so get your laugh for the  day and move on.  let me know how today goes.
much love
cathy

[slk714]

Good luck today, you're gonna pull through, like Lisa said, charge that cell phone, between me and her you've got people to call anytime..we will help you through.......after you get through this, next time maybe wont be as scary to deal with....i for one know EXACTLY what you are going through...but the most important thing is to have the strength and courage to make it, and you will...I know FOR A FACT that you are not going to relapse and i know you just needed some encouragement to get through this tough time today, you did the right thing by reaching out....and you are gonna do this and by tonite this will alllllll be behind you, and you will feel stronger..get your DVD player, your baby, and your PHONE......LOL..cuz you know ill be waiting for ya.....

[kimmieb]

you DO sound a bit stressed out....maybe you just need to take a breather.....i hope everything works out ok....i'm sure it will!  we ALL here have stress and triggers, no doubt, it's learning how to cope with them that is the biggest challenge, whether it's 9 days or 90 days into recovery...sometimes those triggers never change or ever go away....and obviously stress certainly never does ever just go away for any of us, LOL!  i'm  hoping you'll find your own way to successfully cope and find your way through whatever it is that is stressing you so much....i know i keep saying this, but just keep things in perspective....sometimes, at times like these, we're just WAY too sensitive and it's way too easy to lose perspective and just feel all icky and defensive and like everyone doesn't understand....i'm not saying that's the case here....but i just hear you sounding frustrated and almost angry at people, like you want something that you're not getting here....i hope you get it!  and i hope your weekend is a good one!
k.
p.s.  lots of stress here, too, girlfriend....going to funeral of my good friend's brother....he was 42, married, 2 children, massive sudden heart attack....death is a trigger for me!!!!!   it's gonna be hard for me....but guess what?  harder for that widow and her two children.....now i feel blessed that all I'M dealing with is addiction/recovery....at least WE'RE still alive and have our spouses and our children and our families and can talk about all of this!!!!  my other good friend just lost her child to SIDS 2 days ago :-(  talk about wanting to just pop a benzo and numb the pain for a few hours....ah well, life goes on....and so do we....i wish you well and happy long weekend!!  you're lucky to be alive and not taking any more lortabs and lucky to have all you have...just concentrate on THAT and all will be ok....i promise :-)  YOU are in control...well, really God is, but then you.....

[joann1975]

sweet dreams lisa!

[sadinmichigan]

goodnight my friend..

[joann1975]

lisa thanks again! gotta go to bed....getting up early in the morning....lucky me!

[sadinmichigan]

You are welcome..You are a sweet and caring person..i honestly understand how your feeling..about a few things..You are going to be just fine,...don't forget to cahrge your cell phone incase you need to make a call..LOL...i'll be home all day..you could text me and then i'll call..take your mind off the few moments or something...(please know I am not making light of this)...xoxoxLisa♥♥♥♥♥to you

[confused456]

Joann....please PM me!!

[joann1975]

Lisa...thanks for your sweet encouraging words. I needed them.

[joann1975]

I NEVER said I am going to take a benzo every time I have a trigger. My post has been taken completly out of context here. I was considering it worst case scenario in the event I needed to.... I am only about 9 days into my recovery. I don't even like the benzos but I know that it would chill me out enough to get me through the road trip w/o losing it on my Mother. NOBODY knows the relationship or understands the complexity of it. Thank you all for trying to help and for those with your positive words of encouragement. I always try and encourage people and send kind words and thoughts their way. I was just venting b/c I am nervous about tomorrow and I was hoping I could get a few "you can do it" I have even said a hundred times that I was hoping for that and I am still getting these take control.... don't let your Mom ride with you. I RARELY post my own posts on here b/c each time I get insulted or shot down. So instead I just talk to the few people I have made friends with here and then comment on others posts and offer encouraging words and try to be kind, loving, supportive & non-judgemental. I am more upset now about the few responses I have gotten on here than my trip tomorrow.

[sadinmichigan]

Girl...Of COURSE YOU CAN DO IT!!!..Just by talking it out here hopefully it will help prepare your mind and get ready..I know what you mean though...I have figured out pretty much all stress is my trigger..and damn...that sucks....I would definately take the benzo with you and if you need it..then take it..Good luck tomarrow..You are going to be ok..Just keep thinking about your neice..it sounds like quite an accomplishment she has made..thats cool..she will be so glad to see you and gramma too..xoxo Lisa

[kimmieb]

everyone here who posted is correct in what they're saying...it's just that we're all different and we all deal with things in different ways....you can't fault someone for suggesting one thing or another that maybe you didn't like....it's just human nature....no one is perfect....we all try to help....but sometimes a person doesn't like the "help" or "advice" that is given...that's ok...doesn't mean anything bad....just keep perspective....and remember we're all grown-ups and have our own opinions and experiences and advice on how to handle things....if you ask for advice, you'll most definitely get it here!  whether it's  EXACTLY what you want to hear all the time, well, that's another story! :-)  but keep the faith....everyone here is "good people"....no one is trying to be nasty....just truthful and honest....which is EXTREMELY important during recovery, as is support and encouragement....but not always sugar-coated support and encouragement, ya know?  keep the faith....all will be ok!
k.

[confused456]

Joann.....PLEASE do not let a couple "bad" responses stop you from posting!! There are SOOOOO many good ppl here and they do outweigh the negative!! You are a very kind person who always gives support to others and I see you respond to so many!! You are right, you CAN and WILL get through this!! Wishing you all the best and you enjoy that Mickey Mouse DVD!!!! TAKE A PILLOW!!!! Hugs to you!!

[kimmieb]

yep, in order to avoid certain triggers, there ARE certain things we have to learn how to do....like standing up for ourselves....not in a mean or in a b----- way, but just in a "i'm in control" kinda way....  i had a long TALK with my mom....she understands now....it took a lot of talking and a lot of crying, but it's better than taking benzos every time you feel the trigger!  ( and believe me, you do NOT want to start down that road at all....not that taking ONE benzo and only one benzo your entire life will start you down that path, but girlfriend, 5 years ago, i thought taking just ONE benzo every once in a blue moon couldn't hurt me....and look where i ended up....having to do a taper under a doctor's supervision to get me off that stuff...and believe me, it's MUCH worse than getting off lortabs....so please don't go there!  keep perspective, realize you're a grown woman now, and try not to get too worked up....as you said, it may all be for nothing anyway....just relax, take a deep breath, and you'll be fine....back pain?  i'm sure you've dealt with it before and will obviously have to deal with it in the future if you're gonna stay off the lortabs....so maybe you can just grin and bear an hour and half or so....if you can't sit at the game, get up and walk around like i do.....my son's and daughter's b-ball and softball games are over 2 hours long....i walk around alot....sitting is worse....just a suggestion!   hope all works out ok :-)  let us know!
k.

[joann1975]

Well, unfortunately I can't let my niece down this is a big deal as it's the state championships. In the depths of my addiction I have made like 1 game in the last year so I am not letting her down anymore. I also am not telling my Mom no she can't ride with us. There is no legit reason for it and if she doesn't ride with us she won't be there and again that will be letting my niece down. I screwed up by getting addicted to the pills and I screwed up with my family plenty of times and let them down and I will not continue to do it anymore. It's not like there will be a bottle of 100 lortabs next to me in the truck. What I was really hoping for when I posted this was a few confidence boosters like you can do it... you have done good so far etc. I will make it through this as I have made it through everything else.
Thank you again to those of you with positive encourage words I really appreciate it! Have a great weekend.

[road2recovery]

That is really a tough one...And this early might even be to soon to put yourself , where you know the stress has caused u to use.....If you have back pain, and they know this, i would honestly say i could not go because of your pain....If u really have to go, take the benzo, put on a ipod....I could never tell my mom no, but i have just taken myself out of the situation completly....
And now i am doing that a little less, but at the beginning I did this often, and some might have gotten upset, but i just could not go to this certain place, or be around certain people...  So tell me " WTH am i going to do with my kids'?? LOL  I can't tell them no, and summer is here, WEW!!!  What a test.......
Good luck
r2r

[confused456]

and just for the record....my Mom gave me away when I was 1 and didn't come back until I was 15 and I still couldn't tell her no. I am not attacking you Mike, you are a great guy and you know I feel that way. I am making a point that we all have triggers and each of us have different family values, lives, jobs, stress levels, etc.........

[confused456]

I was not referring to CJ's comment Mike. BUT, everyone's relation with their fa,ily is different and I for one, could NOT tell my Mom NO!!

[Mikeinthesouth]

I don't think cj was refering to you and I know what you mean't. You got to think what is more important to you and yours. Hurt momma's feelings a bit is it worth it to blow it all off and stay home I would personally probably say I am to sick right now as I would be sick and tired of swollowing all the bs to safe someone else when they did not seem to be there for me when I was a kid and needed that. I love my Mother but have not spoken with her in 35 days and I have 32 under my belt about to have 33.

[confused456]

Joann!!

For the record, I KNOW what you meant by saying your Mom may be the reason that you use, I know that you see her as "YOUR BIGGEST TRIGGER", and we ALL have them!!!! So, don't sweat what some ppl said. Hang in there.

[joann1975]

thank you cathy & confused
cathy you are momma and we would always take a road trip with you!
i forgot i bought one of those dvd players for the car for my kiddo so he and i will ride in the back and watch mickey mouse clubhouse.....wow i am lucky! lol anything for him though!
worried...thank you for your kind positive words as well....i really needed them!
hope you all have a great weekend!

[confused456]

LMAO.....NOOOOOOOOOOOO

You are my Momma!!!! HUGE difference!!!

[cathy5841]

confused are you talking about me.  you better watch it.

[confused456]

Joann.....
YOU CAN'T TELL HER SHE CAN'T RIDE!!! HELLOOOOOOO.........it's YOUR Mother!!!!

I do think that you would be better off taking half a benzo for real and I would take a pillow for your back and hope that helps. TRY not to get freaked, I know how hard that can be, maybe we have the same mother!! LMAO
If you read, take a book, if you do crosswords, take that, anything to occupy your mind sweetie!! You CAN get through 1 day with your Mom. You have done sooooo great!!! Hang in there!!!