Getting Busted, a Blessing in Disguise.

[lesson_learned]

evening. Last week I got a blessing in disguise, I'd been abusing vicodin since last fall. Getting 3 refills a month. I came up with every excuse to keep taking them as directed. Then some a$$clown suggested I crush them to get a stronger effect, me being an addict,did so. Well, I got busted the FIRST time I did it. As I said, it was for the best. Doc will no longer prescribe narcotic classed drugs to me-ever. Said I broke my narcotic agreement, which pretty much black lists me from getting narcotics anywhere, ever in my life. Hopefully I won't ever need them for something serious, now that I've gone and been a fool, and screwed everything up. >:(
I'm angry at myself. Can't believe I was so weak.

She referred me to a substance abuse doctor, who called me and interviewed me. I'm having such a hard time. This discontinuance occurred three days before I was due for a refill. So I split them up into 5's from 10's. I've been sneezing, unable to sleep long, diarrhea,body aches, my injury seems to hurt 3x worse. But this is for the best. I'm not making excuses anymore. It's so easy to wrap up addiction into a pretty little package...and yet so hard to see it for what it *really* is. I wish I was strong...on Thursday, at 12pm I will take my last dose of Vicodin, hopefully ever. I see this substance doctor on Friday at 3:30pm -well- into withdrawals. I'm scared..like anyone else. I don't even know how to live sober. I set up an apt with a substance abuse councilor but I don't see them until Aug10th. I hope I can post here for support. I know I screwed up, so I don't need any hard talk, just need some support so I stay on the right path. I can't sleep either =( I heard Effexor is good for the anxiety and even pain relief.  I'm kinda moody, find myself crying at the drop of a hat....I gotta get through this. Help. I'm an addict, and I f*ked up. Big Time. ="(

[Ballgame]

Is it a group session? All your Drs seem helpful so tell them what's going on.  Easier said than done but don't let them get to you. You can't control them but you can control yourself.  Be bulletproof and make te insults bounce off you. You can do it!  Just think of it as just words and words won't get to you.
First thing talk to the person in charge.

As for dr shopping I think it depends where you are from.  I'm near Boston and there are so many people and so many hospitals that it's impossible to track everyone.  I don't dr shop but I have been to different drs trying to fix my back. The logistics of getting dr info before giving meds would really slow down the office. Having said that at some point if you dr shop you'll be in everyone system so can't do for long.  

I have a question.  How do drs get your medical history?  I know they can because one did for me.  Is there a general source with all you medical and script info?


Stay strong lesson. You've come a long ways!!

[lesson_learned]

Hey Kiki, I'm surprised you can doctor shop no idea how you do it. In my state before they prescribe narcotics they HAVE to see your files or talk to your current doctor, therefore making it impossible to do. I wish I so freakin wish I had some vics right now. I've had a really bad stressful day, a place I started going to, is hurting more than helping I've got weirdos hitting on me, one is actually HARASSING me calling me names and crap cause I don't like him. I'm really really upset and want to dive into the comfortably numb feeling that vicodin gives....I was so upset I was shaking, my teeth were even chattering. I hate this. I don't think I can do this, and I HATE being verbally abused by some (really scary looking stranger, and even uglier on the inside.)

[lesson_learned]

Not abusing them...I'm taking them as directed...???

[kiki003]

Hi, Lesson.  just checking in.  Back on Day 3 of prescribed dose.  Feeling remarkably well, considering.  Glad the sub is working for you.  Am very curious about it, but also scared now that I hear it gets you high!  Cravings still there, big time, and am sure it will continue.  But I am sticking with this....I HAVE to.  Everyone in my thoughts out there.  When I feel like even trying to get more, I get on here and read and read.  Hearing people waiting for police to show up at the door usually snaps me out of it.  Thank God have not gone down THAT road yet.....still, knowing things I have already done, can't say I wouldn't do something stupid if the opportunity presented itself.   So once again I have talked to my sister.  Fessed up about every doctor and pharmacy I have used behind her back.  She tells me she will report me if I do anything like what I pulled the other day ever again....ie, doctor shopping.  I KNOW she means it.  I DO NOT blame her one bit.  Will get on the straight and narrow one way or the other.......at least that is what I am praying for.  I am so terrified of getting in trouble with the law, and she knows that.  This might be the best thing I have done for myself in a long time.  And to everyone out there, never, ever would have done this without you........hope everyone is well out there.....

[wishful1]

yep im still on subs and i have been clean 90 days. I am tapering now though!! u can do this the subs really work if u dont abuse them

[lesson_learned]

Hey ballgame, the same thing would happen to me. Then I'd have no other choice then to taper my last few days till script refill. It feels good to not have the anxiety of being in seeking mode, etc. I was SORELY tempted tonight. I went into panic mode because something happened to me that was very scary. I wanted to use right then and there soooo bad. I realized the last time I'd taken a suboxone was about 13 hours ago. I am prescribed two 8mg a day. But only a few days have I broken down and taken the second. I'm trying to stay at 8mg. I started getting the runny nose, anxiety,jumpiness,the runs,. Honestly, the sub is helping extremely so. Doc and I are disputing about how long I should be on it. I don't want to be on this more than three months max. I told her three weeks she said absolutely not. Because of high relapse. Thanks for checking in, and thanks for your support. I would have lapsed for sure if I wasn't taking the sub.