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God grant me the serenity!

What a trip closing in on 5 months  now I am so happy to say this as it so far been one heck of a journey. I had to put up with husband going back to my drug of choice (he is not right now) but this is him, I am me.
I lost my beloved pet last Saturday after she had been through the thick and thin of my addiction I thought I would die. My mind thought for a minute I would have to escape (only a minute) and I knew I had to be strong even though my baby was gone. ( I thought I would die)
This journey to all going through it, gone through it, trying to get to it, all is worth it fail get back up try again.
Cause even though it don't seem live on the other side is so worth it. Does not come all at once there are so many setbacks I cant even count but for today I am clean and sober. Accepting and living life on its terms and not escaping. There are certainly people here with a good bit of sober time that can help you if needing it.
Thank goodness for places like this. All have a great night...
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Avatar universal
Hey congrats on 5mo clean your doing great  keep going to the meetings they help  it is this friggin mind screw that needs to be addressed it is also good your not alone in this I would loose my mind if I dident share what was going on in my head at the meetings  good to see you stoped back to share your recovery  keep coming back
.......................................Gnarly..................................
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Avatar universal
Hang in there!  i'm pushing 6 months.  I had a  breakthroughof sorts.  Last weekend I just laid around.  No energy.  No motivation.  Everyone of us knows what I'm talking about.  No enough energy to participate in life.  Force myself up in the morning.  Force myself to work.  Force myself to maintain the house.

The wife and I hike alot on a Mt just behind our house.  The park entrance is at about 3000ft elevation and the top is 6000ft.  My knees have been killing me.  Multiple injections, braces and fluid removal.  I thought, "what the hell. lets do this."  We've been all over this mountain.  It was our training site to train for the Muir Snowfield hike on Mt Rainier.  After all this time we found a new trail.  The summit was at 5250ft and had the most beautiful views.  It was painful though getting down.  Down is much harder on the knees.

I figured the next day would be brutal.  Knee all swelled up, not able to walk well.  Well, I was surprised.  The hike put some stress on my muscles and they were tight.  That seemed to help a bunch.  I could walk pretty good.  

We had a tree cut down about 3 weeks ago.  My wife really wanted that cut up and taken care of.  I went at that with the chainsaw for about 5 hours.  I can't tell you how or what or why but today I feel like my old self.  Even last night I was chatty like I had taken a narcotic, but I hadn't.  It was wonderful !!

Keep the faith.  I firmly feel this will happen for you.  I've read about 1/2 billion posts.  I never read the post that says, "Quitting opiates just wasn't worth it.  I"m sorry I quit".  Never ever have I read that post!  What I have read in those 1/2 billion posts is some variation of "Its the best thing I've ever done for myself and those around me.  TOTALLY WORTH IT"

To everyone fighting the fight.  I know there's this sense of "I can't live like this"  Its one of the reasons the fight is so hard. We worry that life won't be worth living.  But the evidence is pretty convincing.  Virtually everyone recovers if they give it the time.  And its not going to be 5 years.  I have friends with cancer at it for 5 or 10 years.  Imagine a cancer diagnosis like this:  "Its going to be hard but its only going to be one year and you will be completely cured.  You will be able to most anything you did before."  That would sound like a pretty good diagnosis to me.

Congratulations on your clean time.  I really mean that.  I know what that takes.  5 months is awesome and I think you have a wonderful attitude.  I want to reassure you that there's sunshine over the hill in front of you.

Cheers,

P.S.  I'm so sorry you had to deal with losing a pet while doing this battle.  People could learn some from pets about unconditional love.
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Avatar universal
Thanks so much on the comment towards my pet is has been a real downer for sure. but I am hanging in there. Great words also congrats on your 6 months. I made the five month mark going towards six now. Its is not an easy road that's for sure hubby is back at his tricks. So I am hit all the way around but I was strong in the past.. I will be strong again!
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Avatar universal
My very loving Chihuahua makes me want to escape I hurt some days so bad but I am facing all the demons, and that as well. Dealing with husband reverting to the old habits of ours over, and over. But I am weak but I am strong at the same time.
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13565897 tn?1430515982
the one thing that I have said many times over that when a huge live changing event happens during your recovery and you make it through without the magic pill it just empowers you that much more !! the days of oh that sucked I need a pill are coming to and end!! now the event itself really hurts and that one thing but dealing with it clear headed is great so don't let the old mans habits suck you back down the hole stay strong and remember you can only help yourself...
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