Aa
up and down aghh
I have been doing so good at getting clean. And trying to be positive. But im so all over the place. this is the part thst always gets me. I have real physical pain that is screaming at me. I have my bipolar PTSD yelling at me. My parents screaming at me kicking me out right before Christmas. My ex is doing everything he can to make my life hell. He is the cause of so much destruction to my whole life. And I've numbed all of that and so much more with pills for so long. And now I'm not numb. And I'm pi$$ed. And I have all kinds of emotions that I've been numbing for so long. So yea, nice to have emotions I guess. But I can't stop this agitated angry rage feeling!!! I have been numbing my pain and anger for so long, how do i deal with it now....legally lol
Ahhh
Take a deep breath!! Using won't solve anything! ALL of your problems will still be there and you'll be back at day one all over again!
You should start a new thread so everyone will see your post and be able to talk to u sweetie
You should start a new thread so everyone will see your post and be able to talk to u sweetie
Oh my I just want to use. Its the holidays my whole family is here, my lil diva daughter is driving me crazy along with everyone else! I'm exhausted still sick everyone is irritating and just ahhhhhhhh
And tiger, isn't that what it's all about! The kids had a great time, you were fully present and you should be so proud! Cravings will pass. It's all done just try and get some rest now.
Whew, I've just about made it through the holidays! It was rough but maybe a good distraction? I spent weeks decorating and shopping and wrapping and then 2 days baking and cooking an entire Christmas dinner. It feels good to be sober for the holidays and my kids had such an awesome Christmas! But, I have to say I'm kind of craving. I am so exhausted and have been running my butt off to make Christmas happen and go through wd, and today felt like day 1 again, sick as could be, hurting, just didn't feel good. But I did enjoy having sober Christmas with my kids and see how happy they were! Merry Christmas everyone!
Merry Christmas girl! Im a single mom too so I get it! Do what you can and leave the rest!! It wont be the end of the world if you cant do it all!
Happy Christmas eve! I'll be spending my day baking. Already made big breakfast and cleaning for tomm. Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday! And may Jesus bless us all!
Well I made it through another day clean. Its not always easy. I had to do a million errands today to get everything ready for Christmas, dinner stocking stuffers all that, and a million things it felt like. I'm so tired. I did get to see my therapist today and told her I had been numbing all my feelings with drugs for years and how mad I was and all my emotions coming up and she is going to start seeing me regularly to get through all these things I numbed. I came home from grocery and couldn't get a sitter for the meeting and im just exhausted. And here comes Christmas single mom 2 kids clean...i need energy so bad.
Oh Tiger I hate to hear that. My son is Bipolar but not that bad. He smokes a little pot to keep him on a even plane. He does a one in am and one in pm. I have to admit it does work for him. He still goes off ever now and then. I pray you can get out the first of the year. it will be easier on you. You need to give your Dad a big hug because of what he has to go through. My heart goes out to all of you. God Bless you
Tooter,
Its just my mom and she's bipolar but won't take meds. Except shes very addicted to many pills, mostly pain pills. She is very unpredictable. My dad is very stable, and is awesome! I'm an only child and my closest family is about 12 hours away. But, I'm working on getting out of here and plan to be out by January.
Its just my mom and she's bipolar but won't take meds. Except shes very addicted to many pills, mostly pain pills. She is very unpredictable. My dad is very stable, and is awesome! I'm an only child and my closest family is about 12 hours away. But, I'm working on getting out of here and plan to be out by January.
Tiger, what in the world sets your parents off? Both of them? How do they let you back in? You need to hurry and get out of there!! Do you have Grandparents, aunts, brothers or sisters
Yes onward and upward!
My therapist appointment is in an hour.
My parents did let us come back for Christmas.
I'm trying to get a babysitter for an na meeting tonight.
Trying my best to deal and heal.
Thank you all for being here for me! It means the world to me. I really don't have an outlet like I do here.
My therapist appointment is in an hour.
My parents did let us come back for Christmas.
I'm trying to get a babysitter for an na meeting tonight.
Trying my best to deal and heal.
Thank you all for being here for me! It means the world to me. I really don't have an outlet like I do here.
Hey there
Did your parents let you back in or are you staying somewhere else?
Did your parents let you back in or are you staying somewhere else?
Onward and UPward, Tiger!!!
Yay! I have an appointment with my therapist today and hopefully first na meeting tonight!!!!
Ahhh, I just seen my whole post didn't show up for some reason!?!?
Debbie, You are amazing awesome and fabulous! I feel like we have been friends forever! You always have the perfect words for me! Your truly an angel!
I am so sorry that you have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. What treatments do you plan on? I have a good friend with it, and I know it can be painful but I know some things she does for it. I'm going to be praying for you Debbie.
And you are so right about the healing, I have to deal with my past emotional hurts and wounds, I just called my therapist after reading this. I was already on pills for all my physical pain but found out they could numb my hurts and emotions too, and now I have to face everything at once that has been shoved down so long. Yea, pills were the wrong answer! And I've tried to get a restraining order on my ex, but can't for several silly reasons!
I have started back at church and I do leave quite often to do nothing except be away from my parents lol!
this time I'm sending you lots of encouragement love support peace prayers strength faith and pixie dust!
Debbie, You are amazing awesome and fabulous! I feel like we have been friends forever! You always have the perfect words for me! Your truly an angel!
I am so sorry that you have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. What treatments do you plan on? I have a good friend with it, and I know it can be painful but I know some things she does for it. I'm going to be praying for you Debbie.
And you are so right about the healing, I have to deal with my past emotional hurts and wounds, I just called my therapist after reading this. I was already on pills for all my physical pain but found out they could numb my hurts and emotions too, and now I have to face everything at once that has been shoved down so long. Yea, pills were the wrong answer! And I've tried to get a restraining order on my ex, but can't for several silly reasons!
I have started back at church and I do leave quite often to do nothing except be away from my parents lol!
this time I'm sending you lots of encouragement love support peace prayers strength faith and pixie dust!
Debbie!!!! I th
hey hun I am sorry I have been absent. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia
about 3 weeks ago and hadn't been feeling well for a few months. so I have been just laying low and trying to deal with all this.
learning to deal with your emotions is key that is why you need to get into some kind of counseling. they will help you sort out your past emotional pain, wounds and scars as you do this it will start the healing process.
if your x is an issue you need to get a restraining order. in case there would be a custody hearing it is so great that you are clean so it won't be an issue in determining custody.
you are doing great. keep up the good work.. this is a process. it is a daily walk. I hope and pray you have returned to church. it will help you so much. counsel with the pastor also, the church should be able to help you with some things also.
if your parents get to be to much just take the children and leave the house, go for a drive, go walk around at a store, until things calm down in the house.
sending much love, encouragement, support, peace, and lots of prayers,
Debbie
about 3 weeks ago and hadn't been feeling well for a few months. so I have been just laying low and trying to deal with all this.
learning to deal with your emotions is key that is why you need to get into some kind of counseling. they will help you sort out your past emotional pain, wounds and scars as you do this it will start the healing process.
if your x is an issue you need to get a restraining order. in case there would be a custody hearing it is so great that you are clean so it won't be an issue in determining custody.
you are doing great. keep up the good work.. this is a process. it is a daily walk. I hope and pray you have returned to church. it will help you so much. counsel with the pastor also, the church should be able to help you with some things also.
if your parents get to be to much just take the children and leave the house, go for a drive, go walk around at a store, until things calm down in the house.
sending much love, encouragement, support, peace, and lots of prayers,
Debbie
Thanks! Almost all my favorite people have posted here, and I can't describe how good that feels!
today, thanks!
gnarly, you have literally helped me through years of this, and I promise to you and myself, this is the last time you will have to help me get clean, now I just need you to help me stay clean! Which by the way, your advice above did exactly that. You are amazing and wonderful and have helped so many people! Hey, I remember you saying you wanted to open up a place to help people like us, hows that going?
rosy, yes its crazy when you realize how much money we spent on pills! Doesn't even make sense! So I'm helping my health and my pocketbook lol!
domino Sara I feel honored when you comment! And yes like you and gnarly advised me, I have a plan to get out of my parents house by Jan, and that should help my stress level immediately lol! You have also been here for years, and I think god for people like you and gnarly and atthebeach and clean in ks that continue to help so many people!
As for my ex. He is psycho. He was physically and emotionally abusive so I left him. He then decided to get revenge by shacking up with my cousin and having this whole relationship with her, they are still together I think. He has beaten me a few times, but the last time was in front of my daughter and I left for good. He has been trying to get revenge ever since. He not only started sleeping with my cousin, he had me jumped 4 times by men and women. He has GPS me a few times. He is now taking me to court to fight for custody. He doesn't use pills, but he drinks like a fish, loves coke, and smokes so much weed, his profession is now growing and selling pot. And I've heard rumors he's on meth now but I don't know...I just know he's CRAZY and obsessed and revengeful and possibly the devil...
today, thanks!
gnarly, you have literally helped me through years of this, and I promise to you and myself, this is the last time you will have to help me get clean, now I just need you to help me stay clean! Which by the way, your advice above did exactly that. You are amazing and wonderful and have helped so many people! Hey, I remember you saying you wanted to open up a place to help people like us, hows that going?
rosy, yes its crazy when you realize how much money we spent on pills! Doesn't even make sense! So I'm helping my health and my pocketbook lol!
domino Sara I feel honored when you comment! And yes like you and gnarly advised me, I have a plan to get out of my parents house by Jan, and that should help my stress level immediately lol! You have also been here for years, and I think god for people like you and gnarly and atthebeach and clean in ks that continue to help so many people!
As for my ex. He is psycho. He was physically and emotionally abusive so I left him. He then decided to get revenge by shacking up with my cousin and having this whole relationship with her, they are still together I think. He has beaten me a few times, but the last time was in front of my daughter and I left for good. He has been trying to get revenge ever since. He not only started sleeping with my cousin, he had me jumped 4 times by men and women. He has GPS me a few times. He is now taking me to court to fight for custody. He doesn't use pills, but he drinks like a fish, loves coke, and smokes so much weed, his profession is now growing and selling pot. And I've heard rumors he's on meth now but I don't know...I just know he's CRAZY and obsessed and revengeful and possibly the devil...
COMMUNITY LEADER
When you get further along in your recovery you will be able to pick your battles. With your emotions all over the place right now it is hard to do that but it will happen. You really need to get out of your parents house at some point and then things will calm down even more. As for your ex, let him be self destructive by himself. You dont have to be a part of that anymore. Does he use? Is he emotionally abusive?
You hang tough Miss tiger~ (((hugs)))
You hang tough Miss tiger~ (((hugs)))
Yep!!! Weird when u realize how much money you spent on pills huh?
Oh yea the rollercoaster is a blast lol! But hopefully it leads to freedom and the real me! I'm still reading beach music, by pat Conroy, I'm almost done. It is an awesome book!!! Willow rose, have to check her out. I went and finished my Christmas shopping yesterday and ended up spending $60 on some new books for myself! Wasn't even going to spend money on myself, then realized my 6 books cost the same as 2 roxies that I used to take a good 10 of a day!
Hey girl... The rollercoaster... Isn't it fun?? NOT!!! The good thing is that after awhile it evens out more... Always ups, downs, twists, and turns but they will be spaced out more and not as steep!! Glad to see you are still reading!! What book are you on now?? An author that is new to me that I have come to love is WILLOW ROSE... I just can't get enough of her books...
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