How did you know you were done?

[kweenofharts]

I have been here.  Been to rehab.  Been sober..been back here.. etc.  I know you all have done it.  How did you know you were done?  I take an average of 5 10's of Vico a day.  I am not as bad as I used to be, I did take 10-20 a day.  It's not that I don't want to stop.  I think at this point, I have failed at it so many times, that I am just scared, or lazy, or maybe I just don't want it bad enough? The longest I have been sober in the last few years is close to 30 days.  But I barely remember those sober days.  I am getting depressed.  Now I have my fiance hooked on them too, and it's just a mess!

[Ella789]

Yes, physically, it had to be mentally and physically.  You see,  I had just built up such a tolerance to the lortabs that it took more and more as the months passed to make me feel like the pain was gone.  I didn't even truly know where my pain levels were untill after detox,  and I mean a month or more!!!  The receptors in our brains are use to the opiates sitting on them feeding them instead of working on their own.  When the opiates are gone, the receptors take time(abt. 2 mos.) to start functioning again.  This is how my dr. explained it to me.    

The "pill" thing will slow down after a while,  don't give up, it is a cruddy, louzy, horrible. dirty, damn thing to go through......... did I use enough adjetives to discribe the feeling of it??  I got plenty more where those come from!!! lol

Ella

[kweenofharts]

Did you WANT to quit?  Physically?  I just want to wake up tomorrow and not think about a pill.  Have no desire whatsoever.  Make sense?

[Ella789]

  I knew I was done when I got angry with myself..... enough to where I knew I had to live another way!!  Just plain determinated to quit.  It is a total commitment. Not an easy one at all.   These pills were causeing me so much mental trauma, running out before refill time, dealing with the nurses and Dr. .   I was just tired of that.  I had to see where my pain levels really were and try to make it without the pills.  The more I took the more I needed to take,  after 5 yrs of it, I knew I had to do something.

Ella        opiate free  2-16-09  :)            DX :  SLE, fibro, depression

[avisg]

The wise words of GTMI

"When your desire to get clean, is stronger than your desire to use. Then, you will get clean