How did you finally decide to quit??

[Spike2654]

ugh, as I sit here trying to get through my first 24 or so hours, knowing the worst is yet to come. I'm trying everything to think of why this is a good thing when my body and mind (GAWD, IT WON'T SHUT UP!!) tells me that I'm such a better person when I'm on my pain pills. Just was curious what your source/determination to finally be done was...

[ActingBrandNew]

"How did you finally decide to quit??"

Went to prison, got divorced, lost custody of my kids, AND was diagnosed with Hep C at the same time....it was either kill myself or get clean...I chose the later.

[Sonrissa]

Hi Spike, I guess my "determination" came because I was sitting there one day, counting my pills like for the 4th time in an hour. I kept checking the calendar to see when I could ask my doctor for my next refill. I had a calculator out and I was doing more math than I ever had done in college! Even if I only took 1/4 of a pill a day, I wasn't going to make it. Crap! Another week of withdrawals facing me. I remember thinking, I just can't do this again. Let's see..... What excuse can I come up with this time to get an early refill. Going out of town, accidentally dropped a bunch down the sink, my purse was stolen....  Then I thought, how long can I keep doing this? My monthly "I've got the flu again" excuse just wasn't going to work.  I finally just gave up, gave in, and surrendered!  What a relief!!

Hang in there, Spike! Stay strong and focused. You will get through this!

[Whollymolythathurt]

When i started to need pills for simple (mowing lawn, planting tree, shoveling snow) tasks.  Not to mention planning vacations around just getting RX.

The first 3-4 days are the worst.  Try to convince yourself you have the flu...kinda helped me.  Drink lots of fluids, eat bananas...just peeling the damn thing will seem like a huge accomplishment.

You'll get through it.  They physicals are gone for me but the mental part starts.  This is where the rubber meets the road for me.

[msdelight]

Trust me on this, you are not the wonderful productive person you think you are when you are on pills.  What happens is you are numb,  so when normal stuff happens, arguments, issues, tons of work, you just push through feeling no particular motivation to fight back, resolve issues or worry that you are working yourself to death. You just take another pill, go back into your own private Idaho and keep moving. Looking back, I did absolutely nothing on pills except function doing the bare minimum I had to. My house is neglected, my winter/summer clothes are all mixed up, I did nothing to resolve the many issues my mom is having, I didn't fix the car or even wash it when I should have, missed paying bills, UGH the list is endless!  I had to give it up because it was becoming ridiculous. The money, the begging and pleading, the chasing , the counting, the running out . Im sure my dealer was sick of me. Supply was low, I had nothing for 8 days, SO off I went on this amazing journey. IT WAS THE BEST DECISION I HAVE EVER MADE!  You too right?  Shut that addict brain up and look back over your addiction clearly. The better person is the one that's been locked up inside of you and chained to opiates.  Good wishes, prayers and congrats to you! Keep going friend!

[10356]

Mine was a OD that forced me into seeing my Dr. everyday for weeks and to see a psychiatrist. Dealing with my past had helped me to make the decision to quit. I found I wanted to live.. lesa

[motye51]

You need to WANT to quit.  Are you tired of spending every last damn dime you have on pills?  Are you tired of being numb to everything around you?  I was!  The first few days are the worst but they DO get better (I can't believe I finally get to say that!)  I only have 23 days w/ NOTHING in my system, but it's better already!

[dominosarah]

I was an inch away from death~

[shinieshoes]

I decided to quit when I couldn't stand to see the disappointment on my husbands face anymore. He would tell me how he wanted a future with me and he was scared that that would not happen if I kept taking the pills.  I was so exhausted from the constant worrying about running out early. Trying to divvy my pills to last then taking double because I knew I was going to run out anyways. As soon as the pills went down my throat the terror of withdrawals would kick in and I would be back to counting.

[ariley13]

I quit drinking, my true drug of choice, because I was killing myself, literally. I also had recently lost my father to alcoholism and decided I wasn't going to end up like that. When I quit the opiates, it was more an issue of dependence vs addiction, but it could have gotten out of control easily, because I am an addict. I quit because I was out on the road with my truck driver bf and our truck broke down 2,000 miles from home. I missed my doctor's appt and was forced to go through detox. I suppose if I wanted to I could have found some opiates somewhere, but I didn't. I can tell you from my years of active alcoholism and many attempts to quit, that it finally came down to life and death for me. I couldn't stand myself, or what I had become. That outweighed the long, nasty detox process and I finally made it through and stayed sober. Thank God!

[nonights]

I quit cause we had s plumer at work and someone turned the water faucet on while water was off and didn't turn it back off and water flooded and I didn't know if it was me I didn't remember if I had even tell you where I was. Scared me to death. That's when enough was enough. Hang tough this will pass

[takingmylifeback2014]

Hi Lovie - I was told to NEVER say ONLY on this site lol 23 Days is HUGE for us!!!! :-)

[petsrule]

Love this topic cause it reminds me of why.  ditto to so many situations above and got tired, tired and tired of depending on a drug to live.  Well, what I thought was a life....

[katmandu516]

Left my husband, took a one way trip to Texas, to meet a friend I met on FB, until I finally sobered up enough to realize I wasn't where I was supposed to be. I called my husband and he flew down and got me. It was so scary, being in a strangers house, getting high as a kite, that I don't even remember most of it.  I nearly died. Being close to death and far from home will sober you up real fast!!!

[kyle505]

Your head is telling you lies. You know that so don't listen, or at least understand that they are lies meant to push you to relapse.
My decision wasn't as dramatic as most. My shame became overwhelming. One morning I couldn't look at myself in the bathroom mirror anymore. The years had caught up with me. Simple but monumental. It was cold turkey soon afterwards.
K

[OxyTired]

When my wife caught on that I had found the stash of pills that she doled out-the oxycodone was for back pain-the shame of it all, and the futility was too much. I had years in AA and booze was no longer an issue. Had lived through a terrible benzo withdrawal and now at 60 years old was still in the same cesspool.
My wife asked me if I wanted to try to continue the oxy as prescribed. I told her in all honesty that would not work after gobbling them down like candy for a week, my addict side would never accept that.
I said I was going tp be pretty sick for awhile, and asked her to accept me through another recovery. It was a lot to ask, she has endured my addictive side for years.
I think not wanting to go through all the crazyness and sickness over and over again pushed me towards a100% committment.
I don't do "what if"s anymore, or dwell too much on a crummy past or a future day not yet here.
I just work on "today," with the normal ups and downs that come with being human. I seem to be able to respond a lot better now to life's challenges with a clear head.
I like this question, "How did you finally decide to quit?" you asked, because I ask this of myself from time to time. I have good solid reasons NOW, but I think THEN part of the decision was a power or truth outside of my thinking at the moment I finally threw in the towel. I knew somehow substances would always win if I went into the ring with them. I lose every time when I think "I" have control.
So I require lots of help. My family, friends, MH folks, program people, spiritual people. Truly strength in numbers.
Stii just one day at a time (way oversaid) and way true.

[gunn73]

my daughter

[Spike2654]

thank you for your posts. you are all amazing, strong people that deserve the best. you all are truly an inspiration.

[takingmylifeback2014]

LOVE THIS!!! So True Msdelight

[Emerody]

I had been wanting to quit for some time. Our prescription was getting harder and harder to fill because of all the regulations. Until finally the pharmacy wouldnt fill it anymore. I was tired of living my life prescription to prescription and everything in between just being a filler. I wasnt really living or enjoying things. I made a choice on December 18th to go to rehab, left work and admitted myself that night. Best choice I ever made as I sit here 31 days sober off of painkillers and suboxone. I havent had a single thing but vitamins put into my body and that feels amazing.

[VICourageous]

I am pushing closer to 60 and Death was Knocking on my door! I wanted to add a few more years of living, not dieing..lol

[Real180]

I watched a movie while I was going through WDs called Looper... I don't know if any of you saw it (decent movie) But a quote in the end really describes how I felt about my addiction I think this is the quote.... "In that moment I saw it all -- I saw where the current path would lead -- it led to a circle that kept going round and round -- so I changed it"...   That is how I felt about my addiction if I didn't quit..    

[Ben727]

My life had become a giant house of cards. I was one bad break from losing everything for the last couple years I was using. I had a knee replacement surgery and I made the decision to quit once I got past the pain from that. Thanks for posting this question, and thanks to everyone answering. It's threads like these that make a difference for me.

[ROSYouralright]

I was sick & tired of being sick and tired!

[brokenspiritandsoul]

I am with Rosy on this one...Sick and tired or being sick and tired!  I couldn't look in the mirror anymore because of the guilt and shame!  I was no longer worthy of my kids love. Looked in the mirror then at my kids then flushed what I had left. That was 117 days ago!