How do you curb the antsy feelings?

[Nellie1919]

Hey all - I've been off hydro for about 6 weeks now. I quit counting the days because it started messing with me - remembering the days made me think about the pain I'm in and them the pain medicine.  Because of the nature of my condition, I do occasionally take a pill here and there - when my back gives out and I can't stand up. However, it's not everyday like I used to take "as prescribed."  I don't really crave the drug. I think my body was more dependent than I was addicted. I really decided to quit because I realized I was taking them everyday as prescribed rather than just taking when I had pain. It's been below 0 outside for a week now, which means less outdoor activity, which means having an antsy feeling. I'm already on anxiety meds (have been for years). That's one thing I've noticed here, almost everyone has an underlying anxiety issue. I think in the beginning the pills helped with the anxiety, but it really made it worse in the long run. Any advice is appreciated.

[Krissy_123]

If it wasn't for you jifmoc and the way you explain the importance of aftercare I never would have made it to today clean. I did the counsler for a couple months and it helped but it wasn't enough. The deppression and boredom hit me so bad I knew I'd go back if I didn't do something! So off I went to my first aa meeting,then n/a meeting. (I prefer the aa right now) but I go to whatever is available. We really need to here and see for ourselves that we aren't alone!! They become like a second family. They don't judge you,they know your pain and you know theirs. I am a 100% believer of aftercare!!

[jifmoc]

P.S.- just reread your last time about inspiration. Hell yes it's worth being clean. I don't ever have to count those stupid pills again. I don't ever have to detox again. I don't have to have my entire life based on what time I'm going to the pharmacy. (my life WAS going to the pharmacy.) And, I take it for granted now, but physically, while using I was either energetic from the high, then just high, or in detox and would lie on the couch all day. Now, I'm just...normal. I can do anything, walk anywhere and not have to even think about it. THAT's freedom.

[jifmoc]

Aww...Krissy knows my brain! Nellie, that's exactly what I would tell you to do. Also what Krissy said about the fine line between dependent and addicted. Whoa, that is a great point.

See? Told ya I felt the same as you!!:) You wrote that you are glad that I am at 9 mos. (just about) this time. Interesting about the "this time" because I never was in a program all the other times I detoxed before this one. That's what's different. I remember detoxing and for weeks feeling so blah so, so apathetic, so depressed. But did I do what other folks told me and get aftercare? NO. Guess what happened? Slowly but surely, 2 pills here, 2 there, and I was back in full swing. And yes, even though life is hard in that I have to face all the stuff I neglected and fix it, I am day to day...well, fine. Sane. Not ecstatic but not depressed either. Interested in lots of things, yes. When I laugh I really laugh. And I'm constantly being shown at meetings by peeps w/ LOTS of time clean that life gets big and we get better all the time.

[Nellie1919]

Thanks for the support Krissy! Luckily it warmed up a bit today so the puppy and I were able to go on a good walk. I can't wait until my brain relearns how to create natural endorphins! Still, I always feel good after exercising. One other thing I've noticed is my sense of smell is drastically increased!! Has anyone noticed that?

[Krissy_123]

Awe sweetie you really are having a rough time aren't you?! I'm so very sorry for your loss!! :( yes letting others do things right now is a good idea,you need to take care of you!! Proud of you for not caving and taking that pain pill to get rid of the emotional pain. I know it's hard,especially with you having them in the house. Yes you need to talk to your doc,there are so many pain managment ideas you guys can start trying out besides the narcotics! You're in my thoughts,stay strong love!! xoxo

[Nellie1919]

I've noticed I don't have as much apathy toward life as I used to - and I don't let my temper flare like I did while on the pills. I would get mad for the silliest things! My appetite is still weird - I have to eat something right when I get a little hungry or I feel sick. This last week or so has been mentally rough. We lost an uncle to liver cancer, and another aunt and uncle just went into hospice. Top things off, my husband has strep throat. I'll be honest, this is the first time I've wanted to take something to deal with everything. But I'm not going to!!!!! I did take one on Wednesday because it was a bad pain day - I totally overdid it. Tried to move something I shouldn't have and spasmed that night. I spoke with my pain therapist and documented in my pain journal. My goal is to make it a week without over doing things so I don't rely on a pill. Then I'll go for another week. I'm on day 3 of the first week so here's hoping I can let others shoulder the burden!

[Krissy_123]

Other than the back pain and the anxiety,how do you feel 6 weeks later versus 6 days in to your detox?

[Krissy_123]

We are all bored after coming out of detox. That is one of the biggest things. And it's not so much bordem it's lack of energy to get up and actually be able to do something. That's part of where the re-wiring of your brain has to come in. Get bored get to a meeting. I've followed enough of jifmoc posts to know that's what she will say. And she's 100% right. You may have only been "dependent" on them,but that doesn't mean they didn't steal your natural endorphins like it did ours. There is a very very fine line between dependant and addicted. We all start out dependent. Life clean is what you make it. Know one else can make it better. I go to meetings and listen to others I come home with a clear head and play with my kids. That's me at 3 months clean. So my 3 months is a heck of a lot better than my 3 days was. But I worked every damn day for it.  I'll let jifmoc answer now,but I garentee one of our things will be identical even though she's 6 months ahead of me!

[Nellie1919]

Jifmoc - I went back and read some of your original posts. I'm so happy to see you've made it 9 months this time! One of your first questions was about how bored you were not using. Now I know that is the addict brain talking, but how are you doing know? I see you post all the time, so I'd like to know more about how you feel at 9 mos vs 9 days. I know I'm making the right decision not to take the pills but I'd like to hear someone else's experience for extra inspiration

[jifmoc]

Nellie- glad to read you haven't been on benzos, yay! Sounds like you are really aware of yourself. As folks who have real pain issues write, you are prob still on "rebound pain" as well as rebound anxiety. 6 weeks is a good chunk of time but honestly, your brain/body are still working things out. It takes SO long for us to recover from those dumb pills! So, as w/ all of this: time and patience (I know, yuck.) Perhaps check in w/ your doctor and get some advice from him/her as well.

[Nellie1919]

I just read my post and want to clarify - I don't take as prescribed anymore. I now pain peak as my pain mgmt doc calls it.

[Nellie1919]

I decided to detox because I didn't want to be chained to pain meds everyday - I didn't think they really did anything after a while. I think my body was more dependent than actually being addicted. I actually took the N/A addiction quiz, and I answered no to almost every question. I want to learn to live with my pain - and I'm doing an ok job thanks to the help of my pain therapist. I'm trying to find where my limits are, and not overdo things so that I don't spasm. I don't take benzodiazepines either - I was on Paxil for a long time but my doctors switched me to Cymbalta as it helps with pain as well. Both really seem to helped from what I was like before I started them. I had anxiety before the car accident which destroyed my back but I'm pretty sure the pain meds made it worse. My husband and I also go to a group at church - Celebrate Recovery - which helps us work on more than just pain meds. He doesn't have a problem but is there to support me. When I started taking the pain meds, I originally just took them as needed. My pain doctor wanted me to take as prescribed so that I wouldn't peak with pain - which is what I do now. The difference is I'm learning to deal with the worst of the pain through meditation and the hope is I'll get to the point where I'll know my body well enough so I won't spasm and collapse. I know some of the anxiety is heightened because my body is still recovering from pain med use. Normally I'd go on a walk outside or take the puppy to the park - but the last week or so it's been too cold to go outside.

[jifmoc]

Nellie, I agree w/ Krissy's questions. I'm not sure what you are doing would work. The bottom line I thought of reading your posts was to ask, do you think you're an addict? Only you can answer that. If so, than that's the issue that needs to be dealt with. It would make me anxious if I detoxed than went back occasionally. Explain why again you decided to detox? What was bothering you?

Also, you wrote you've been on anxiety meds for years. Benzos I assume? Sounds like you do have underlying issues that need looking at as I believe no one should be on benzos for more than a few weeks.

[Krissy_123]

I see,I'm not to sure how that would work? If that little bit would affect your brain make-up. I know it would with me,because I could never just take one. Maybe this severe pain is what's causing your anxiety? I know living with constant pain is hell. So you don't do any kind of after care though? Or even a counsler of sorts? Just to get stuff off your chest and have people to talk to?

[Nellie1919]

I only take them when my pain gets to an 8 on the 1-10 scale. I only take one to get the worst of it to subside and that is usually once every couple of weeks. Basically, my back spasms so badly that I collapse to the ground - the pain takes my breath away. I quit taking pills regularly the last week of December. I think I've taken a total of 6 since then.

[Krissy_123]

I know the anxiety I had was from detoxing. Your brain starts to work over time. "How will I live without my pills" "is this pain ever going to go away" "will I ever be able to sleep again" "what's life going to be like now". Them I think are a lot of reasons people start to have anxiety. If you keep taking the pills then stop then start then I can see you not being able to get past that anxiety stage. You say you quit,then when back to taking them once in awhile?