How do you..

[toxiclife]

Deal with a parent who has been and addict of something your entire life? My mom is 52 and has been addicted to and abusing xanax for over 2 yrs now. She emotional roller coaster I go thru is weighing on me. I have tried to get her help-asked her to get help-and today asked her doctor to help me. He refused, she refused. She gets 30 a month from her doctor but at least 100 or more a week off the streets. I recently found those contacts and got them to back off. So monday my mom's supply was limited to 19 and that is all. I was hoping if she faced WD's I could then get her to want her help. For 3 days now it has been suicide threats, cussing me for no reason, conflicts with her and my 10yr old-I have stopped all contact from her to my daughter now. I called the doctor this morning and asked for help because had just called me telling me "bye" and was wanting to die-to me that was "harm to herself" and that she needed help. He at that time refused to do anything.Today my mom got her 30 xanax called in despite my efforts to get help from her Dr to use a title 33 and have her evaluated. To further this after she took a few and got back balanced back out and her WD's stopped.She then called the Dr and concluded that I did that out of spite. This Dr has no business practicing medicine..at all. he refused to talk to me about the problem and left it at what she said. So now I am stuck back to square one..things will not be as bad until those 30 run out in a cpl days. Whar else can I do? 3 yrs ago I tried to detox off of xanax and loritab myself. i did it cold turkey but had to be put back on xanax and start a taper. I know all to well the effects of the WD's and how dangerous they are. The non stop abuse from my mom verbally from her highs and lows while taking them-and then taking dbl lexipro when she runs low on xanax is causing me more anxiety attacks. Is she a lost cause or does anyone know a way to help?
Thanks

[kim715]

Thank you.I hope you will stay around.We have many family members who come here that could use your insight.All the best hon.....Kim

[toxiclife]

Yea I did make the choice to tell her that I would help her -only if she got the help she needs-but I am taking myself out of her situation and putting 100% of me back in my husband and daughters life. I am 33 and have spent most of my life picking up after her messes, bailing her out of jail, and well being her mother. It's time I say, I am taking my life back and I will be happy and it is by her choice she is not a part of that. Kim, dont hold on to that regret. Every person like me that is here and you help-the way you have reached out to me-is something to proud of yourself for. You chose to help ppl now using the knowledge of your mistakes and life lessons. Your children have a wondeful mother!

[kim715]

Don't ever think that.You ARE NOT being selfish.You can only do so much,the rest is up to her.It's kind of like that old saying,you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.Even doing an involuntary commitment on her wouldn't work if shes not ready.She would most likely not hear a word that was said and it would only make her more angry.I am a mother of 3 grown children and I'm a grandmother.My addiction affected my childrens life.It took me out of their lives.I look back at photos of birthdays and holidays and although I'm in some of them,I can't remember them because I was too high.The day that I decided to sit my kids down and tell them that I was addicted to pain meds was one of the hardest and most embarassing days of my life.Much to my surprise I wasn't telling them something that they already hadn't figured out on their own.My kids had gone on living their lives.They had decided long before that day that they weren't letting my addiction destroy them.They had actually talked about my addiction amongst themselves.I had no idea.Man was I in denial.I thought I hid it so well.I remember my son saying to me 'mom we knew,we were just wondering when you were going to figure it out.' When I broke down in tears my daughter said to me'mom why are you crying,this is a good thing.We're happy that you finally realized it.' I share this with you because I want you to see that,just like your mother has a strong,wonderful daughter in you,I have 3 strong wonderful children too.Yet all their love and all the joy they brought into my life wasn't enough to make me stop.And I'm in tears right now because that breaks my heart to say that,but it's the truth.I'm proud of my kids for moving on,living their lives,not letting me take them down with me.To be honest with you,now that I'm clean for over a year,I'm a bit relieved that my kids moved on back then.I carry a lot of guilt about the things I did or didn't do and not having their mother be part of their lives caused enough pain,but at some point they put a limit on the amount of destruction they were going to allow MY addiction to cause them.Be proud of yourself hon.I'm proud of you.It's time for you to do what my kids did.You have to draw that line.I know it's hard and I know it's painful but you have to let your mom know that you love her and that you want her to be a part of your life but only if shes clean.Let her know that you will support her in any way you can in her recovery but you can no longer support her in her addiction.Take care and keep posting.....Kim

[toxiclife]

Thank you!  She used to be a big drinker until her 5 dui's put her in jail and she got detoxed in there. She slips from one addiction to another. Both of my parents have been that way all my life, My dad's addictions ended his life in 2002. During the time my mom was drinking so much-she then said she had no problem and still says she never did-i did walk away for 3 yrs. i came back to help her when she got out of jail and then this started to come on. I am the only person left who will have anything to do with her and i am always the target of whatever mood she has.
I agree that its time I focus on the things that I can help, myself, my daughter, my husband, and our happiness. I guess I just needed someone to tell me that wasnt being selfish. Thanks so much for the kindness and understanding. -all of you that replied

[kim715]

I agree with maria,shes not a lost cause but sadly shes not going to stop until she is ready.It sounds like you have done everything in your power right now to bring her rock bottom to her and I'm so sorry that her doctor didn't take your legitimate concerns about your mom seriously.I think at this point you have to worry about healing you and your child.You have to make the decision that you and your child are going to be well even if your mom chooses to remain sick.As addicts we get addicted to the drug,everything in our lives revolve around it.Our loved ones sometimes suffer a type of addiction to us,we become their main focus,and everything in their lives revolves around keeping us alive and getting us well.Unfortunately you can't love an addict well,they have to want it for themselves.It may be time to distance yourself and I know thats easier said then done.You must take care of you and your child though.I'm so sorry you're in this situation.Please keep posting.I will keep your family in my prayers....All the best...Kim

[merrymaria]

you are very welcome.....that s the sad thing about addiction...we want to help others but we can t till they ask for it.  i had to say to myself...i need help...and it took me almost 4 years to say it.   i hope mom realizes this is no life.  i have lots of friends who are hooked on xanax.  i m them same age as your mom....it could be something with women...who knows.  i wish you luck.  don t cave in...stay strong for yourself...maria

[toxiclife]

Thanks, Yea I have detoxed myself but I had the understanding that i was an addict to loritabs and made the choice myself. That was yrs ago and this forum really helped me.
When I realized how severe her addiction was i knew i was faced with her either OD'ing , mixing a toxic combo of meds, or having Wd's that could be life threatening. So I set out to do whatever I could. This has effected my husband and daughter because of the constant stress I stay under with dealing with her mental mood swings. It has actually caused me to relaspe a cpl times for a cpl days and take loritabs. Thats not her fault, it is mine for chosing that..but as an addict i also know keeping myself in this situtation i am prone to relapse. Its all around a mess. Thanks for your support.

[merrymaria]

no she is not a lost cause but she doesn t think she has a problem.  you or one can make her get help until SHE says..i need help.   i m sorry you are going through this and hope she will realize soon she needs to stop...good luck to ya...maria