Husband just left for rehab...now what???

[harmony33]

I am new to this site and in need of any/all advice out there. Here's a little bit of my story...my husband and I have been together for 4 years and married less than a year now. We have a 16 month old beautiful son. When getting together with him he knew how I felt about drugs and he told he he was clean from all the "hard" stuff and just smoked weed. Two years into our relationship (7 months prego) I found out he had been not paying rent and buying crack. Which was a COMPLETE shock to me...I had NO idea.  He told me he would stop for me and our unborn son. Then when our son was 4 months old I found out he was still using. I asked him to go to rehab and he came up with every excuse in the book not to go and that he would stop....agian. 2 months after our wedding....surprise...still using...and that was Sept. Did the whole "I'm leaving you...blah...blah...blah"...and he promised he was done. And the main reason I am in need of advice is today I dropped him off at the airport to go to a rehab in Florida. He has stolen my credit cards, lied to me I can't even keep track anymore, and I feel something I have never felt in my life before...hate. I would like to know is can I ever trust him again? ...with his son, with this marriage? And will I ever get over the hate I feel for him today?

[atthebeach]

hey gnarly, PTL HE is able to do great and mighty things. your family and mine are a testimony to that. harmony, i have forgiven my husband not that some days i dont get mad or sad and wish we could "redo" 14 yrs. of our marriage and our childrens lives but we cant go back. if i didnt forgive and let the bitterness fester it would eat at me like a cancer and would destroy not only me but my family. i do love my husband and my family very much, my forgiveness is key to our familys healing because my children are looking to me for an example. our marriage could have ended in divorce, but for us to stay together and work through all this mess was more of a testimony to the grace and mercy of our LORD and savior. then if we did divorce. my husbands recovery and the healing and restoration of our family is nothing short of miraculous. the trust does take time to rebuild, he violated that and that needs to be regained. after 13 months of my husband being clean. i still only give him $5 to $10 a day to spend and he only uses the credit card for gas and has no access to any bank accounts. it is what i have to do for now, he is ok with it and gives me no problems about it. if he did i would be suspicious. well it is ok right now you have a right to be mad, angry, hurt, sad,even hate. time does heal. take this time while he is away to work on yourself. how long is he going away for?
GOD bless you
debbie

[gnarly_1]

HI......I always hate reading these....it brings up old memory's of myself in active addiction
my wife has been clean for 23 years her aftercare has been the power of Jesus Christ
when I was 30 I herniated a **** in my lower back I had been clean and sober for 4yrs
it wasent long b/4 I started to abuse the pills....mainly to get rid of the back pain but I also noticed a nice euphoria that came along with them and I fell for it hook line and sinker
I spent 10yr  on the pills living in a secret addiction I  was a born again Christion but had a dirty little secret after 10 yrs on the pills they switched me to methadone spent another 6yrs on that it wasn't till it quit working and many visits to a substance abuse conslor that I was convinced it was time to break free from that the whole time all my wife new was I was taking something for my back she was unaware of my massive addiction....I was a highly functional addict in the top 5 of my sails staff ...Im shairing my story with you so you dont feel liike your the only one something like this has happened to eventually after 8 1/2 mo of tapering then another 90 days to strart to get well my addiction was broke today I use both N/A and a substance abuse conslor to work threw all the issues in my life....my wife know the whole truth she is my bigest supporter the key to being successful at this is all in one word....forgiveness both my wife and I are Christians forgiveness is a big part of how we believe and after 28yrs of marriage there has been much on both sides....untill you forgive him there will alway be a road block between you to even if your not a believer it still works...personally I dont know how any one does this with out God....I couldn't have done it alone or walk it out alone this mo marks 6 yr clean from alcohol weed and everything else recreational ...I only wish I opened my eyes earlier on the methadone it took a few more yrs of living in denile I have 537 days clean from it by the power of God and a good aftercare system I am sober today and will always be greatful to God for delivering me of my addiction....I no its hard to trust someone that has used but forgiveness is more for the forgiver then the one being forgiven....it has worked for us....I wish you all the best with your hubbys recovery....keep in mind he will have to keep treating this but the rewards are worth it I wish the 2 of you all the luck in the world ....rehabs can be life sent and many of our members have had great success if you need to talk just message me God bless.....Gnarly            

[cleaninitup]

You can forgive but never forget.

[sudie58]

welcome,i really dont know if you can forgive him, but as an addict all be it in recovery, i may be able to shed some light on the way he might have felt, you see, once addicted, it really does take over your life, it becomes your main focus , and also makes us very selfish, people may say " he wouldnt do that if he loved me", but it has nothing to do with not loving someone, it just doesnt resonate with an addicts mind, it is an illness, and an all encompassing one, maybe if you went to alanon, or learnt how they think it may help you to understand, i really hope things get better for you, and your husband realises how much , he may lose, god bless  

[atthebeach]

hello and welcome. i know and feel your pain. i married a man who had been clean for 7 yrs. i didnt know about addiction and the possible relapse well, 6 yrs into our marriage he relapsed. this started a 14 yr. yes 14 yr. roller coaster ride. hate yes i had so much i wanted him dead. the lies, deceit, stolen money, sold jewelry, fights, yelling. if you feel like reading you can read some of my posts. he would say he wasnt and then i would find out he was. he was very good at hiding it, he was very functional. we had 4 children. i had never worked and felt very stuck. at first i thought he would od, get shot or stabbed trying to cop, get in a car accident. then after yrs of this mental and emotional abuse, i didnt care anymore. my family was so dysfunctional. he would never leave would say he paid the bills. i didnt want  to file for divorce because he would get nasty and then hide all the money  when i threatened him. my children and i all were in counseling for yrs. finally he left 2 yrs. ago and i was so ready for divorce. he went into a christian drug and alcohol program. he has now been clean for 13 months. and we are healing. i know the rage,sadness and hurt you have. are you sure he is going to the rehab? has he admitted he is an addict or is he doing it because you forced him? yes it is possible to heal. if you would have asked me this 2 yrs. ago i would never have believed it. the pain was so deep, and the hate so real. i had alot of my life invested 20 yrs and 4 children. i had alot to lose.
do you have any counselors you can talk to,pastors, support groups, i cried, screamed,was physically sick,my children were a mess, please talk to us, there is alot of support on here. i have been on here since last march '10.when my husband went into rehab. church and the LORD have been a very big part of our recovery and healing.
blessings to you
debbie