Aa
freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok i am not going to lie.. i am a addict and i do want to change. right now i just can't do it. and it makes me sooo mad at myself. i also have terrible anxiety that controls me, unless i take my meds. i just watched dr. phil and of course it was about addiction. so now i am scared i am going to die. plz don't get mad at me, i am sure some of you can remember how this feels. it was about mixing medication. everything i take is prescribed by a doctor. every morning i take 1 klonipin i have been taking them about 6 yrs now and never abused them. also every other day i take my cymbolta. i never take more than i am suppose to. and now the hydrocodone i take anywhere from six to 10 a day, verses 20 -25 a day that i used to take. my question is is that leathal? plz don't be to hard on me, i am going to quit, its just right now is not the time... plz someone give me advice thxs kalie
i've been where you're at and i know how you feel.it ***** when our families dont understand,but when you get to rehab concentrate on your self as hard as it seems,hope you have better luck than i did
be nice man ,maybe it should be a new post,or maybe yours should be.i found it quite helpful
Well here goes. Tomorrow morning I am off to detox. I have been on duilidad, opana, and ativan for over six years. My employeer had me drug screened and wellah they were all there. I am going to a 3-5 day detox in NJ. This will be my third visit to one of these places. I am so ashamed and downtrodden. All my coworkers know about it. I have also been lying about my drug use to anyone who comfronted me on it. So now its out in the open. I am so scared, No cigarettes, no coffee, I know the drill.
Does anyone have any encouraging words for me. My family certainly does not. They are telling me how much damage this has and is doing to my daughters ages 20 and 12. My car has been taken away until I have at least three clean urines, which means I cannot see my kids until I can drive. My Dad said "he would never have done what I have done to his children" that hurt. Talk about guilt. I feels like such a tall order one that requires more strength and optomism than I posess. I am shamed.
Thanks in advance for your responses.
njshar
Does anyone have any encouraging words for me. My family certainly does not. They are telling me how much damage this has and is doing to my daughters ages 20 and 12. My car has been taken away until I have at least three clean urines, which means I cannot see my kids until I can drive. My Dad said "he would never have done what I have done to his children" that hurt. Talk about guilt. I feels like such a tall order one that requires more strength and optomism than I posess. I am shamed.
Thanks in advance for your responses.
njshar
I have been a member of this site for a short time and have never posted on here before. After reading your post I felt in my heart I needed to post a reply to you. For a little background on me. I recently w/d from prescription pain meds that I had been taking large amts. of for almost 4 years.I am a very independent, divorced, strong willed lady. My addiction started as we all do taking pain meds for a chronic medical problem. It ended up that I continued taking the pills after the pain had left and it almost ruined my entire life.
I didn't have a husband to support me, I am raising two teenagers pretty much alone. I have been raising my kids alone for 10 years.I think for me the meds were a way to get my mind off of the stressful negative things and at the same time I felt light-hearted and full of life. Or that was in the first years. As time went on I began losing a lot of weight, losing interest in everything, and spending a lot of time on the couch or in bed when I wasn't working. I was giving up my life and it was all in the name of pain meds. I didn't realize at the time that I was an "addict". I was.
Long story goes I travel frequently with my job and just 3 months ago I had to take an assigment on the west coast in Calif.. My home is on the east coast. I at the time was getting meds online and having them fed-ex'd to my home. I was spending 500.00 a month online supplying my habit. I had to leave my twins who are now 16 in NC with my ex. and come alone to work for 10 weeks. A very hard thing. Little did I know that God had a plan for me and that was to help me rid myself once and for all of these pills. I got to Calif. and I realized my debit-visa was gone. This was the way I ordered my meds on line.I don't use credit cards. I called my bank and they said it would have to be sent to my home address(the debit card) since that was the address on my acct. This meant that it would be 10-12 days before it would get to me in Calif. with my new address. Step one in my detox process. I wasn't able to get the pills here from anyone because I had no MD here. I of course started to have severe headaches, nausea, chills in just a few short days. It was than that I truly realized that I was physically addicted to the pain pills. The next week went as follows. I woke up n the middle of the night two days off of the meds and was sweating profusely. I remeber feeling as if i was going into a deep dark hole and I must of passed out from a seizure I am assuming because it was hours later when I woke up again and was on the floor in the bedroom. I must of fallen. Noone was aware what was going on with me. I had left my family and friends to work 3000 miles away and when I left no one was aware that I was taking so many pain meds. I was able to keep it a secret for years. So, I had noone to call for help and I didn't know anyone in the new town I was in. I did a lot of praying when I realized that I was going through severe w/d's and asked God to help me hang on and be strong. I knew I wanted to be free of the pain meds and I gave every ounce of my strength to stay strong. The days that proceeded were full of hallucinations, severe nightmares or nights of insomnia. Weakness,panic attacks,and severe headaches. I wasn't able to work very much in the first week so I mainly stayed in bed or on the couch trying to sleep as often as possible. After one week things started to get better finally. I had no appetite for the first week and I was starting to crave certain foods, getting up and taking a shower, and starting to rebuild my life. It has been 45 days since this all started and I couldn't feel better. I was so angry and upset when I had to leave my children to go across the country to work although I knew it was part of the job. When I left things at home were on the rocks. As most of us I was having financial difficulty keeping my house and etc. But God had different plans for me. I can't thank him enough for taking me away and putting me through this hard 3 months and helping me to see what a wreck I was and how much I was missing when I thought the pills were my life. My job is over here in Calif. next week and I am going home to my kids. I feel like I am starting a new life over.
If I would of been given a choice about whether I was going to stop the pan meds or not it would of been hard to decide when the best time would of been. But I know now the best time is always sooner than later.
It takes lots of courage,strength, faith in God, and a positive outlook in knowing that this will pass if you don't keep putting it off until a better time. There will never be a good time. But ..the sooner the better. Getting your life back is worth it all. My prayers are with you and may God give the strength you need to kick this habit!
PS=Meant to say I would not advise any one to go off meds cold turkey as I did. As I said I feel I was in denial until I was forced to go off the meds and than realized the size of my problem. I didn't plan to detox cold trukey without medical help or at least letting someone know what was going on. I also thank God that I survived and the w/d didn't end up fatal because I had no support or guidance.
I didn't have a husband to support me, I am raising two teenagers pretty much alone. I have been raising my kids alone for 10 years.I think for me the meds were a way to get my mind off of the stressful negative things and at the same time I felt light-hearted and full of life. Or that was in the first years. As time went on I began losing a lot of weight, losing interest in everything, and spending a lot of time on the couch or in bed when I wasn't working. I was giving up my life and it was all in the name of pain meds. I didn't realize at the time that I was an "addict". I was.
Long story goes I travel frequently with my job and just 3 months ago I had to take an assigment on the west coast in Calif.. My home is on the east coast. I at the time was getting meds online and having them fed-ex'd to my home. I was spending 500.00 a month online supplying my habit. I had to leave my twins who are now 16 in NC with my ex. and come alone to work for 10 weeks. A very hard thing. Little did I know that God had a plan for me and that was to help me rid myself once and for all of these pills. I got to Calif. and I realized my debit-visa was gone. This was the way I ordered my meds on line.I don't use credit cards. I called my bank and they said it would have to be sent to my home address(the debit card) since that was the address on my acct. This meant that it would be 10-12 days before it would get to me in Calif. with my new address. Step one in my detox process. I wasn't able to get the pills here from anyone because I had no MD here. I of course started to have severe headaches, nausea, chills in just a few short days. It was than that I truly realized that I was physically addicted to the pain pills. The next week went as follows. I woke up n the middle of the night two days off of the meds and was sweating profusely. I remeber feeling as if i was going into a deep dark hole and I must of passed out from a seizure I am assuming because it was hours later when I woke up again and was on the floor in the bedroom. I must of fallen. Noone was aware what was going on with me. I had left my family and friends to work 3000 miles away and when I left no one was aware that I was taking so many pain meds. I was able to keep it a secret for years. So, I had noone to call for help and I didn't know anyone in the new town I was in. I did a lot of praying when I realized that I was going through severe w/d's and asked God to help me hang on and be strong. I knew I wanted to be free of the pain meds and I gave every ounce of my strength to stay strong. The days that proceeded were full of hallucinations, severe nightmares or nights of insomnia. Weakness,panic attacks,and severe headaches. I wasn't able to work very much in the first week so I mainly stayed in bed or on the couch trying to sleep as often as possible. After one week things started to get better finally. I had no appetite for the first week and I was starting to crave certain foods, getting up and taking a shower, and starting to rebuild my life. It has been 45 days since this all started and I couldn't feel better. I was so angry and upset when I had to leave my children to go across the country to work although I knew it was part of the job. When I left things at home were on the rocks. As most of us I was having financial difficulty keeping my house and etc. But God had different plans for me. I can't thank him enough for taking me away and putting me through this hard 3 months and helping me to see what a wreck I was and how much I was missing when I thought the pills were my life. My job is over here in Calif. next week and I am going home to my kids. I feel like I am starting a new life over.
If I would of been given a choice about whether I was going to stop the pan meds or not it would of been hard to decide when the best time would of been. But I know now the best time is always sooner than later.
It takes lots of courage,strength, faith in God, and a positive outlook in knowing that this will pass if you don't keep putting it off until a better time. There will never be a good time. But ..the sooner the better. Getting your life back is worth it all. My prayers are with you and may God give the strength you need to kick this habit!
PS=Meant to say I would not advise any one to go off meds cold turkey as I did. As I said I feel I was in denial until I was forced to go off the meds and than realized the size of my problem. I didn't plan to detox cold trukey without medical help or at least letting someone know what was going on. I also thank God that I survived and the w/d didn't end up fatal because I had no support or guidance.
I just want to give you a big hug!! here you go (((((((( KALIE))))))).. If my husband was going through brain surgery tomorrow, there is not way i could quit right now...Just being honest....But please try to keep tapering...Look at how far you have come already from 20-25...If you can't taper, can you get honest with your doctor?? you are taking way too much tylenol in these 5mgs pills, and you need to be here to help you hubby recover from this surgery, as well as kids...He will make it, but he needs you with him...I am sure he feels the same way about you as well...So start by decreasing the tylenol...I will be praying for him tomorrow at 12pm....God bless
r2r
r2r
Thank you for ur posts, and i am grateful for the comments u made. Its helps me focus on I can do this, and be the women I once was! Which that's what I want so bad!. But enough about me. Please Pray for my Husband Greg, this is his first surgery and its so scary, because its invasive, and right beside his brain. Serveral tumors have to be removed, and I am shaking right now as i type just thinking about this, he is scared too, and he is never scared. His my Everything, he has to be OK! Please Pray... Thankyou again, he will go in surgery Tuesday @ 12pm and suppose to end at 2pm..
GOD BLESS,
kalie
GOD BLESS,
kalie
Please don't think God will punish you...he doesnt. he loves you...get through tomorrow and start tapering, a little each week maybe one pill, you can do this. go slow..talk to your dr. she can help. read the thomas recipe and amino acid protocol,,,they have helped so many...be strong, take it one day at a time. we are all here for you and we DO NOT judge. take care and please keep in touch...
kalie, it does take time...sometimes alot of time...ask your dr for colonidine..it helps alot with w/ds...many here have used it, i havent. we can be with you here on this site..al you gotta do is post...
I am sorry, you are going through this. Day 2 off vicodin my husband went to the hospital, it was hard hes fine and With the help of this form i talked my way down from taking a pill. If it was me, I would start cutting down on the number of pills, this way you can still help your husband and start working towards your recovery. Read what everyone has to say. Tomorrow will be rough for you and your husband. But you can do this. There is alot of help here. You made your first big step today by asking for help! Stay with it, Wish you well.
to cathey, yes the cymbolta and klonipin are through my primary care doc, and he knows i get pain pills for my entermidioses (spelling)? from my gyno doc. and they are 5/500 and i got a physical the week before last and everything including my liver is great right now. i did quit last year for a whole 26 days, but it was the worst 26 days of my life. i kept getting worse, not better, even my husband was helping me i went almost three weeks with no sleep my legs were the worst it felt like i had things craweling around in them. my doc was helping me also, everything she gave me to help, it did not work, i could not take my daughter to school, i could not cook, clean, nothing, i felt and looked like i was dieing. my husband said all of my muscles looked like mush. i was dropping weight like crazy, i think i did almost die. and he was scared so bad, all i rememder is my husband picking me up like a baby and took me to the hospital, and they gave me hydromorphine in my iv and i slept for 2 days. then my husband suggested that i take one pill before bedtime so i could sleep and as u can see i am back in the same boat. i want to quit i am so scared though, i wish one of u could come stay with me and help me get clean...lol just a wish!
to answer your question,anything over 4000mg's of tylenol a day can be lethal.this would also depend on how long you've been on the hydros
any amount of acetominphen can be lethal after your liver has been abused, really. the Liver can be an amazing organ that can heal itself well, but on the other hand it can sometimes fail you out of the clear blue sky even after you've stopped abusing it. you just never know. How much aceto are you taking a day? You said you take 6-10 hydros a day but what is the aceto dosage in each pill?
as for not being ready to quit yet? why not? What reason do you have to keep using? We are not here to bash you, quite the opposite. Not everyone here has quit using yet. There are people here in ALL different stages of addiction and recovery. Some have quit and have YEARS of clean time, others are quit with just a few months or weeks or even days under their belt, some are tapering, others have not quit at all yet. The important thing is you at least realize you do have a problem. NOw the next step is you need to want to quit taking the pills before you can do so. You have to dig deep in yourself. Find out the reasons WHY you use pills? Whats missing in your life that you feel the need to fill an empty void, or whats paining you to make you numb yourself ? You need to identify all the things going on that are making you abuse the meds. Then you need to figure out how to fix those things WITHOUT drugs, learn how to cope with stress and triggers, learn how to live clean, learn how to get past cravings. Its a long hard process but it can be done and needs to be done because you cannot keep going through this tiresome and self destructive lifestyle forever. Now would be the best time to start changing. Please keep reading here as much as you can, post alot and LEARN the invaluable knowlege there is on this forum. Good luck to you.
as for not being ready to quit yet? why not? What reason do you have to keep using? We are not here to bash you, quite the opposite. Not everyone here has quit using yet. There are people here in ALL different stages of addiction and recovery. Some have quit and have YEARS of clean time, others are quit with just a few months or weeks or even days under their belt, some are tapering, others have not quit at all yet. The important thing is you at least realize you do have a problem. NOw the next step is you need to want to quit taking the pills before you can do so. You have to dig deep in yourself. Find out the reasons WHY you use pills? Whats missing in your life that you feel the need to fill an empty void, or whats paining you to make you numb yourself ? You need to identify all the things going on that are making you abuse the meds. Then you need to figure out how to fix those things WITHOUT drugs, learn how to cope with stress and triggers, learn how to live clean, learn how to get past cravings. Its a long hard process but it can be done and needs to be done because you cannot keep going through this tiresome and self destructive lifestyle forever. Now would be the best time to start changing. Please keep reading here as much as you can, post alot and LEARN the invaluable knowlege there is on this forum. Good luck to you.
hey kalie, welcome to the forum. we cant really tell you what is a lethal dose...ther are so many things to factor in. are these drugs all prescribed by the same dr?? i can suggest to you that there is never a more convenient time to quit than right now. as an addict we make excuses for our use and say we will quit....sad to say but for most ppl that never happens. if you decide to quit, let us know we will help ya...
also my husband is getting surgery tomarrow. i am sooo scared. i luv him so much, i know this may sound crazy, but for the past couple of nights i have been crying myself to sleep because i think GOD will punish me for being a sinner. not being the wife and mother i should be. i keep thinking what if he don't make it, i will die right then. i can't live without him i need to change and don't know were to start.. plz someone respond, at this moment u guys are all i have. i don't want to tell my husband and stress him out
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