I am at the end of rope

[vannie3]

I went to rehab several years ago.  Stayed clean for about 10 years.  Now for the last 7-8 years I have been out of control.  Soma is my drug of choice.  I can't get enough of it and I want to stop.  I am lost here.  I am afraid to tell my husband (last time he forgave me this time he won't).  I have thousands of dollars on my credit cards for pills.  My husband doesn't know this.  Currently I take about 10 pills a day.  I don't want to do re-hab but I want to end this and I just don't know where to start.  I am a 55 year old woman and I shouldn't be acting this way.  The thought of living without my pills is killing me and the thought of staying on the pills is killing me.  Can I get clean on my own?

[enemy48]

Hi Vannie~

First, when you went to rehab years ago, was Soma your DOC?

Yeah, those internet drug sites took several thousands of my money too.

Just a warning, and I hope people here won't shoot me for saying this.  Be careful about telling your husband.  I've seen so many break ups here when people wanted to come clean w/the spouses.  If you're not sure how the husband will take this addiction and the amount of debt it created, you might want to rethink this.

Telling people who are unfamiliar & uneducated w/addiction can backfire, regardless if family or not.

There are ways of faking this withdrawal as an illness if need be.  

Just be careful not to loose him over this, is what I'm saying.

Best Wishes,
Pamela

[vannie3]

I don't know if I lied to my husband.  He never asks and I don't tell.  I guess that is just as bad.  I do have pain.  Right now I have a broken foot.  I need a hip replacement and my back is messed up.  I see a doctor for these issues and was given pain meds and that got me started again.  Then I found Internet Drug stores and that really got me going.

I have problems sleeping, always have since I was a child.  I have anxiety and it runs my life.  Thank you for the positive statement that I can quit.  I take Soma or should say I love Soma for the relaxing effect.

[ali3674]

Lying to your husband is only going to add more fuel to this fire.  Do you have legitimate pain issues that need to be addressed by a doctor?  Why are you taking Soma as the drug of choice?  Just curious how this all started and if you have underlying depression/anxiety....
You can quit, there is no doubt about it.  The cycle will only get worse if you keep charging drugs on your credit cards though.  THats dangerous territory, so start today...make today the last day of this misery!.

[vannie3]

Thank you for the support.  I have been looking for a forum like this for awhile.  I am glad I found this place.  

I pay the bills, and as an junkie I know how to hide things so that is why hubby doesn't know about this.  

I just want the cycle to stop, I want my life back and I guess I need to trust someone and tell them.  It should be my husband but I am so afraid of breaking his heart. Thank you for the support.  My mind is running in circles, I will go try to calm down for now and return later.  Thank you again.

[bolpak]

YES YOU CAN!!! You should try and be more honest with your husband because he needs to know..  Im just finally kicking my addiction of opiates after 10yrs and I have seen a few friends go  under with soma! My wifes best friend died from using soma and trying to eat and choked to death.  I pray that wont happen to you but I know the effects soma can have and trying to do your everyday activites on the drug could cause you do things you would'nt do normally..  I dont think you can get clean on your own,  I couldnt and I cant tell you how the 1 on 1 you get from rehab helps!  You cant do it by yourself and you shouldnt have to try.  Be honest with your husband, if he's not supportave,  seek help for yourself.   Remember, your not yourself on drugs.  Thats a fact I learned thru rehab and its a fact I live by..  Keep trying n dont give up

[benzoman]

HI Vannie3, whatever has happened in the past is over.  the only moment is NOW, and what you can do in this moment.  for right now, take a deep breath, relax, and remind yourself that there are people out here and there to help you.

also, i would question whether your husband would or would not forgive you.  How do you know this time, if last time he forgave you?  Also, keep in mind that he doesnt want you to hurt yourself on these drugs either.

as for the credit cards.  don't worry about those.  the average family has thousands in credit card debt, and there are always ways around this.  it is only money, and you will have the most important things intact if you maintain your health.

now, i don't know if you can get clean on your own, but i think regardless you should try to get help, and tell other people what is going on.  this website is a great first step, so bravo, and keep at it.  but remember that there are people out here to help you.

sorry i can't be of more help, but there are others i am sure.

[liscamdave]

Well, yes..you can get clean on your own but its going to be hard, I won't lie. But you can do it. If I did it, you can do it.

I am afraid I don't know all too much about Soma, but I am sure tons on here do. Everyone has knwoledge about something so just let us help you.

How does he not see the credit cards? Are you prescribed the pills, can your dr. put you on a taper..