Its my darkest secret.

[Opie18]

My boyfriend and i are extremely close and have a bright future together. I have a loving family whom im very fortunate to have. They do not know i am currently addicted to pain pills. They know i have struggled with them in the past but as far as they are concerned im clean. I work alot. Im a hairstylist. I relapsed about 3 months ago. I take everything from percocet to vics to oxy. Pretty much whatever my "friend" has in stock. I hide and do pills. I hide at my "friends" house. Its like a drug candy store and its so appealing. I go over there almost everyday before and after work to get high. I am terrified to try to work while im withdrawing.  Thats what keeps me buying. I want my money back. I spend every dime i make. I basically keep my "friend" in business. I am afraid to stop because i have the impression that life will stop, like i wont be able to work. How can i be strong enough to do this and go to work? I want my life back.

[ouchie1987]

I really hope u take the step to withdraw. A lot of us are going through the exact same thing right now. I am 72 hrs clean n I'm not gonna lie I am in hell. Here's what is helping me: counting my clean hrs, and making goals (my goal today is taking my daughter trick or treating. . It's gonna be hard, but I refuse to miss out) make sure ur prepared n you buy all the vit/min etc. I too had to work (and with lil kids!!! Ughhh) and be social. Surprisingly that actually helped me, I had to get up n move around. At home I sat n moped n the hrs lasted longer. I too couldn't tell my family, no one knows, not even my husband. But they jus know I have the flu so I asked them to help with my baby and to keep their distance so I don't get them sick.
I took tons of baths at night with Epsom salts. The nights are the worst cuz u get no sleep at all. I found a tv series n kept busy by watching it. Try go for a few walks. And most importantly, when u feel u want to cave jus go on this site, I am living on this site right now, all these ppl are my best friends. U will find some ppl wd at the exact same time as u. I have read every post a hundred times, and I've left a million comments n complained so many times but it helps do much hearing the diff stories, n knowing ur not alone.
Good luck n I hope u take the step. 72 hrs clean : $300 saved. Good motivation eh?

[weaver71]

Great advice above, take it serious. Just want to add one thing. We often THINK we want to quit long before we really do . You have to reach a reality where you want to quit more than you want to use . Excuses why we can't open up to family, work, energy, social concerns, and all the standard concerns of why we CAN'T quit, are actually just reasons we don't to WANT quit. Take serious inventory, what do you REALLY want? You wouldn't be here if you didn't crave freedom. No time is gonna be better. You CAN do it, no matter what it takes .

[ariley13]

Hi there and welcome! This is a great place to get advice, support, and encouragement. Congratulations on admitting you have a problem and wanting to take the first big step towards quitting. There are a couple very important things that you need to do if you are serious about being tired of being a slave to the pills. 1) Cut your sources! This is probably the most important step and if you fail to do it, you will find yourself in a weak moment and use. Tell your friend that you are quitting and for them not to have any contact with you for a while. 2) Tell your secret. I know it will be hard and I'm sure you'll say that your family will be disappointed in you, but this must be done. Otherwise we use behind our secret. Your family might be upset for a little while, but once they see that you are committed to your recovery they will jump on board. You need the support and you need people that can hold you accountable for your actions.
Other than that, you might want to think about taking a few days off. I know you will say that you can't, but you can. This is your life we are talking about. Think of all of the money you will save in the long run when you are no longer buying pills. The first 3-5 days of detox are usually the worst. It varies depending on your age, general health, amount of use, and length of use. There are a few things you can do to help ease the symptoms and speed up the healing process. Check out the Thomas Recipe at the bottom of the page. Also be sure to stay hydrated, no caffeine, lots of water, juice, and gatorade. Get some Imodium for any diarrhea that you may have. Let us know what other symptoms you are having and we can recommend different remedies that may help. Please keep posting. We are here for you and want to see you succeed. You can do this!! Good luck to you! Please take care of yourself and try to keep your head up.

[spider6]

Hi Opie,
Unfortunately, your story is not uncommon.  If you really want to stop you will find a way.  It su*ks the bag to be sure!!  but.........the rewards are endless.  You need to put together a "plan of action".....ie
- if you taper....you need a doctor to supervise or a trusted friend to hold your doc. both would be ideal.

- you need to get you s*it ready for "the attack".....ie prepare yourself for what's in store and get the supplies you'll need to help you through your w/d.  Check out the "Thomas Recipe" at the bottom of this page, it states everything you will need for a smoother detox.

- you need to come clean to EVERYONE so that it will be much harder for you to fail, this also involves killing ALL sources.....ALL SOURCES.

- you need to be honest with yourself most of all and really take stock of what it is you want to achieve and never look back (looking back makes it easier to stumble as you're not looking where you are going) :o}

- attitude is huge....also difficult at times to keep "up", staying close to MH and reading posts and posting yourself will really help with support but you must set up "aftercare" and attend na/aa meetings daily if possible, but whatever you can manage at the time.

- you must keep reminding yourself of everything you'er losing and missing out on ...but mostly what you have to gain.(endless possibilities)

keep posting
sending you prayers of strength and hope....never give up hope.
Peace and hugs.