Im back

[wtf1213]

Well im back. I went 6 days or so then caved and got another script. I can take everything except the restless legs. It makes me seriously putting a freakin gun to my head.These pills are the devil. So go ahead give it to me I deserve it. I dont think I could possibly feel any worse than the pill popping junky I am.

[wtf1213]

I got the supplements going to try them before bed. Thanks for everyones support today . I so appreciate it!

[gg636]

Your Welcome~ Lets slay this Demon! wooo hooo

[wtf1213]

Thanks Gg

[gg636]

Hi wtf213

I just wanted to say you can do this.  I know it's hard - Just remember you are  in the right spot for support.  Keep close and rememer your not alone...

Keep your eye oon the prize LTD~ Living the Dream, Happy, Clean and Living!

[wtf1213]

Thank you! And thats crazy that someone was selling percs at an NA meeting..wtf!  So my daughter rolls out of school today wearing a DARE tshirt..nice..just what I needed today asvshe says mommy whatsvwrong you look pale. Ugh!

[london_man]

Please don't give up - I know you can stop

6 days is still a good achievement - just start from day 1 again, like the others have said we are all human.

Don't feel guilty as we all know how hard it is to quit all DOC - you have a strong desire to quit and I know you can

[theaddict]

i went to NA meetings, but had the same issue as you did. i was always worried about what others would think of me. but then i had to think of it this way:  they're all there for the same reason that i am. i hope that makes sense.

unfortunately, i had a bad experience with different locations of NA meetings though. the person they allotted as my sponsor in the first location i went to, was still using. after the meetings, they would all stand outside and smoke cigarettes and i would see him go to his car with people and give out baggies and exchange money. when i finally got the courage to ask what was going on to another one of the people there [not the sponsor i had] she told me that he was a low life because he was selling percocets at the meetings.

i then tried another place down the road and the same thing happened there. i felt that i just couldn't be around that. and unfortunately, those were the only two locations for me, at the time, unless i wated to drive an hour to and two hours back. and at the time, i couldn't afford much gas.

[wtf1213]

Thank you Sarah. So much. Yoi dont know how these little messages mean to me. Honest to god.

[dominosarah]

I know this is brutal but there is a way out.  What matters is you, not anyone else as we cant control what others think.  It's hard work trying to please so many people when you arent happy.  You have to find your own inner peace.  Look for a therapist and get this ball rolling.  I know you can do this.

[wtf1213]

You are right Sarah. Im too worried about what others will think of me. Has always been a problem a people pleaser to the max..never tells anyone no. this is brutal.

[dominosarah]

With not telling your secret you never have to be accountable for your behavior.  The doors are always left open.  An addiction counselor would be great.  Many people here go to them.  When you have truely had enough of this you will do whatever it takes to get and stay clean.  There wont be any excuses, you will just do it.  You have it in you so fight for you.  You are worth it.

[vicki595]

As Gnarly said, get some magnesium and potassium and take it!  It works great for RLS because RLS IS a mineral difficiency!

Epsom salt baths, several times a day, works along with the minerals so get in that routine. It takes a little effort but you can help yourself...

Keep posting; you did the right thing by coming to the forum!

[all_alone1]

don't be afraid....there are always warm and welcoming people on here to listen and talk to....we are all understanding....as we can help eachother.

[lulu747]

You were afraid but you did it anyway...This is a positive step...Keep taking them and before you know it you'll have some clean time under your belt and a fresh perspective....You put your recovery first and take care of yourself and the rest takes care of itself....Please keep posting...No judgment here, only support.....Lu

[wtf1213]

Thanks Angel and Lulu thanks for the warm welcome back I was afraid to come back.

[lulu747]

wtf...
Hey welcome back and I'm proud of you for being honest and asking for help.
Listen-there is no shame in this.  The guilt is powerful but you need to let it go and focus on one small step towards recovery at a time.  Beating yourself up is a waste of the precious energy that you need to get well.  I think an addictions specialist is a great idea.  You need to talk to someone openly and honestly about your addiction and start working towards recovery.  I see one.  NA/AA isn't for everyone....I just wanted to add that secrets keep us sick by creating a shame/guilt cycle that lead to using.  This is your life we're talking about and you deserve to be happy...You are worth it.  

Try getting some heating rub for your calves (I used tiger balm) and hot baths with epsom salts.  Be gentle with yourself and please keep posting....Big Hug....Lu

[all_alone1]

I know there are n/a mettings online......that is what I am going to do ...for one so no one will know and the second because of sooo many kids it is hard to get away....so online maybe an option for you.

[wtf1213]

I have a question. Is it so bad that I dont want anyone to know? Is there anyway to get through this without going to NA? It my part of town its not anonymos. People go back and forth and tell everyone who they saw. My father was an addict and growing up nobody was allowed to sleep over etc. I dont want my kids going through that. Seeing a addiction therapist ..would that work? I really dont know so would appreciate the advice. Thank you

[all_alone1]

Don't be sorry...I know how it is to have so many people depending on you....I have 6 kids to tend to.....but I am here for you if you need to vent all day....I carry my phone in my pocket cuz I can't sit at a computer all day lol.....the kids have control of that.....anyway it helps just to talk...so if you need to I am here

[wtf1213]

I havd to force myself to get up and moving. I jave too many people who depend on me. I hate myself right now. Im sorry for being negative. Im just being honest.

[all_alone1]

You're wecome and I am sorry you feel so bad...I wish I could reccomend something that would make you feel better that you haven't already tried.

[wtf1213]

Like crap..terrible aching calfs..:( thx for asking tho :)

[all_alone1]

Hi wtf213.....sorry to hear you are having trouble with that awful restless legs....how are you feeling this morning?

[wtf1213]

My way definately isnt working,obviously. I need to find the courage to tell someone.