I can feel your guilt burning right thru my computer, its not easy feeling these horrible emotions, I was brought up in a home of faith, honesty & integrity, & always abided by my upbringing, that was untill I met my little friend, oxycodone, once I was hooked on them my standards & ways of life took a fall, I stole, I lied, & looking back, the person who I was lying to was not only my family & friends, it was me. But I had a situation a few weeks ago that tested the woman I am today, as some of you know I am tapering off methadone, & I am at a very small dosage, most days are good, but I had one day last week where I felt weak & was dragging around feeling the wrath of methadone withdrawal, I went to my ex-hubbys house to pick up my child & needed to use the restroom, where low & behold their was a bottle of percocets, I was stunned, as my ex-hubby is so drug free & lives life so pure, but they were from a dental extraction, so it wasnt like, omg, he,s using, anyway I took the bottle in my hand & counted them, & their was this little voice in my head saying, he wouldnt ever notice one or two missing? & This could perk me right up, the temptation was strong, but I came down to reality & thought, this is insane! Is one or two pills worth my friendship with my ex? Is it worth my selfesteem being stomped upon? I put the bottle back & left with my head held high! & That made me feel so much stronger, I went from weak & moody to a attitude of I can do this! It also made me realize that this is a long term battle, it doesnt just end after you stop using, it can creep out many years later, as It did me. Take Care Penelope
What is your plan as of now? as far as quitting?
P.S. to my post above -- my sister now has the pain pills locked up. That's what I meant about my stealing coming to an end.
Yey...never thought about it as a scam artist...but I lied alot...to everyone including myself
these pilss lead us through a vicious cycle...we lie cheat and steal to get the, thats just another symptom of the beast. you really need to dig deep within for strength to get completely off these devils. you do possess the inner strength, you just need to unleash it. we have all been there, you too can be free. please think about it. let us know how we can help you. we are here.
cathy
I'm one who feels like a lier, thief, fraud..... I have been stealing pain pills from my sister for about a year... That has come to an end as of yesterday when came clean and told her (for the third time...) that I had stolen from her supply this past week again. This was the worst ever -- about 30 hydrocodones in only 7 days. That's 4 per day -- BUT they're NOT MINE! (If I had my own rx, I'd have them eaten up in no time.) I became quite devious in how I'd steal them and try to cover my tracks, try to act like nothing was going on, etc.
Anyway, what I wanted to say is that what we have DONE does not define WHO WE ARE. I told my sis that I was such a fraud! But she said that though this was a bad thing I did, it was not the person that I am. I've never lied or stolen before in my life of 46 years. (Well...maybe a small while lie here and there like anyone...) The addiction causes us to start doing things we would normally never do. I don't think that means we should not be accountable for our actions, but the addiction has a powerful hold on us and makes it extremely hard to do the right thing.
Many people have lied stolen and cheated to get their fix. It is one more reason to quit. You will always have excuses to continue using. Oh and if Trams are your doc, be sure to taper off of them.
I thought you were going to try the sub ? It is such a horrible cycle ....I hope you figure out what you need to do to get clean ......There is life after ultram I promise