Is this all in my head?

[Prissy2009]

I have been taking Vicodin for about three years now off and on, as of last year nearly every day. My husband had back surgery and he doesnt really like painkillers. i started taking them for stuff like cramps, headache, but soon, i was taking them just because. Since he gets so many he didnt really notice i was taking them so often. i would steal a bunch, then ask him for some so i always had a stash. Recently he realized what i have been doing and he has hidden the pills. Here is my concern, i have been depressed and crying, pleading with him to give me a couple, tearing the house apart to find the bottles. my kids know i take his meds, he announced it, but all i care about are those white pills. i dont feel like doing anything, at all. The first couple of days i had stomach cramps, nausea and Diarrhea. But the way i feel now, on day 5, is far worse. i dont want to do anything at all. not even watch tv, listen to music, none of the things i normally like to do. Please tell me if this is normal and will it go away.

[Prissy2009]

Thank you all so much for your comments. Reading them has really helped me get through the last couple of days. I pretty much hate myself for getting into this situation. Its sad for me to think that i may not ever feel excited about doing things i did before. They were not bad things, just getting up in the morning, working my butt off, getting glowing compliments on my work for the first time in years, because i actually enjoyed it.I know it was the dope, but it felt right. Now, i could care less. Its also sad that I have not spoken to my husband since he hid the pills, which is crazy, they are HIS! Im going to my doctor tomorrow, not to scam, but to get something for depression. Thanks again for the support...glad I found ya.

[NautyOne]

And there is a HUGE mental part too after you get through the physical.  I remember that nothing was as exciting or interesting as it was when I was on pills.  Watching grass grow was awesome and exciting.  Now its just watching grass grow....hoe-hum..yawn~~~  It takes a while, and those boring things that became exciting may never look that way again.  Your energy and zest will return.  It just takes time.

Your husband did the right thing.....if you can get your husband to get those pills out of the house, that would be ideal, otherwise you will continue to raid  the house like a pot sniffing dog, which in turn you will just get into terrible fights.  If he doesn't take them, can't he just flush em???

nauty.......

[Cissy373]

WOW thank you so much for your informative post. I am on day 17 of recovery this time and I get depressed some days cause I miss the feeling the pills gave me, but HATED that my life was controlled by a stupid pill.

I pray I can get through this as it's not an easy road to recovery but it's much better than the alternative.

Again thanks for your post.

Cissy

[CATUF]

It IS all in your head, but that doesn't mean that it's not VERY REAL.

Opiates are pretty much a perfect replacement for certain endorphins manufactured by your body that produce a sense of well being and otherwise make you feel good.  Opiates fit perfectly into the receptors in your brain that are actually reserved for the endorphins.

When we introduce opiates on a regular basis, two things happen.  First, your body shuts down its production of endorphins because they're obviously not needed any more.  Second (and this part freaks me out), the brain actually grows more receptors so it can catch and use all the substitute endorphins that we're providing.  These extra receptors is why our tolerance goes up.

If we cut off the opiates we've got more receptors than normal screaming to be filled and our body is no longer producing sufficient endorphins to fill even the old number of receptors.  Empty receptors make us feel bad.  Lots of empty receptors makes us feel really bad.  

Given time, the body would pretty much correct this imbalance.  All too often, however, before that switch gets flipped we go back to using because we can't stand the feeling of all those empty, screaming receptors.

The book End Your Addiction Now, by Charles Gant, will teach you how to jumpstart your own endorphin production with individual-specific combos of amino acids and vitamins.  

In my opinion, this is a very important aspect of recovery.  It really gets to the root of what's going on at the cellular level of our brains that keeps us trapped and feeling like there's no way out.  There's a lot more to recovery than treating brain chemistry, but it's an important part.  I used to think that I would never feel good or be happy without opiated.  But these days I feel very good most of the time - better, in fact, than I did even before the opiates.

CATUF
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[10356]

This is normal.. the lack on energy and drive is very common.. tearing the house apart and looking for his drugs is also very normal for a addict.. I would suggest your husband get a lock box with a key he keeps on him at all times.. unfortunately with addiction when we do not come to the conclusion ourselves that we are sick and tired of the hunt and the slavery to pills to function we do not enter the detox with the right attitude.. going to NA AA may help you a lot with putting how your drug addiction has disrupted your personal growth and the lives of your family.. seeking counseling is also a good way to get at the root cause of addiction.. keep reading the forum. educate yourself on where your life is headed. the cat is out of the bag now.. it would seem like a excellent time to deal with your addiction as it is a life long disease.. My hubby also took pain meds and did not like them so he would take 1 once a day if that.. I had spoke to him of my difficulties with pain meds in the house.. he used so very little he gave them up and switched to Motrin 800. the sooner you get honest with yourself.. the sooner you can get honest with those that Love you and whom you Love.. lesa

[IBKleen]

You are going through withdrawal and it is quite normal. Day 5 you say? Give it another 2 days the physical part will be over. The mental part of addiction will be with you forever and you will need to address it if you want to stay drug free.