Aa
Its time...for forever to start
Well, its time for forever to start! Time to begin my new life! Time to get this right with no looking back! Time to stop this pill merry go round and start living my life clean and in active recovery!
I had quit opiates, mostly snorting roxy, as many as I could get, which was alot!, cold turkey on Nov. 10. And started to taper my klonopin down, I was taking 3 mg a day, 1 mg pills 3 times a day. Well, the holidays came and I'm a single mom living with my parents, which is awful on so many levels and in so many ways! Mostly because we are shoved in a small spot, I haven't lived with my parents since I was 16, and now its me and my two kids! My parents are getting older and they can't handle kids, especially my youngest, she is kinda a wild child diva...so I'm expected to basically follow her around at all times. And take care of my other child. And I lost my daycare help and therefore my job. I'm expected to do all shopping, buy all groceries, cook gourmet meals atleast twice a day, and keep the house clean and immaculate! And my mom is fond of kicking us out, forcing me and my children to find a friends to stay out, get money for motel rooms or sleep in the car. Its crazy! And my mom takes more pills than I ever did, opiates along with plenty of other things and is an alcoholic and a mean drunk.
Anyway that's just some background and I'm going to try to just keep this one thread from now on. Its been quite the rollercoaster ride the last month! I ended up taking an opana around the beginning of the month, like Dec 3 or 4??? That's all I was going to do, but as we all know one is too many and a thousand never enough... I ended up back in wd and then ran out of klonopin, they cut me from 3 1 mg pills a day last month to 3 .5 pills, and I ran out like a week early. It was hell! Now, I can pick my new ones up Monday, but this month they cut me again, down to just 2 of the .5 a day. I don't know what to do about that, I tried arguing but they insisted this is a normal taper and they can't prescribe benzos anymore, they have to get everyone tapered and off due to some law with Obama care??? Ahhhhh, not a great time for that to happen! I don't even normally take them all, but was counting on them now to help with opiate wd, and now I'm running out!
So, I was out of everything! Couldn't even afford Tylenol or anything. Me and my mom were into it, its the holidays, my wild child is now out of daycare and up under me driving me crazy 24/7, I lost my job and only income, I'm going through all kinds of court stuff with my ex about our separation and custody and child support and he's just being especially mean and ridiculous! So, like 2 days after the opana, with all this going on, I come across 15 old perk 10's...and I'm so weak, I took 9 of them over 2 or 3 days! I feel so awful and stupid and weak! I have to get and stay clean this time!
Im about to flush the rest right now, wanted to post first? So my plan is to flush them, break a 8 mg sub in half, take half today and half tomorrow and then be done forever without looking back!
And I believe I have found the missing piece. AFTERCARE AND TAKING CARE OF ME!!! So this time I plan to do those things that are so hard for me. I'm going to start going back to church tomorrow. Starting Monday im going to work on getting into my therapist regularly. I'm going to start taking the meds they give me regular and the right way. Im going to be on this site every day. Im going to find and make some na meetings. I'm going to start taking care of me, which is incredibly difficult as a single mom and an only child living with my parents...BUT with work and support I can and will do this!!!
I had quit opiates, mostly snorting roxy, as many as I could get, which was alot!, cold turkey on Nov. 10. And started to taper my klonopin down, I was taking 3 mg a day, 1 mg pills 3 times a day. Well, the holidays came and I'm a single mom living with my parents, which is awful on so many levels and in so many ways! Mostly because we are shoved in a small spot, I haven't lived with my parents since I was 16, and now its me and my two kids! My parents are getting older and they can't handle kids, especially my youngest, she is kinda a wild child diva...so I'm expected to basically follow her around at all times. And take care of my other child. And I lost my daycare help and therefore my job. I'm expected to do all shopping, buy all groceries, cook gourmet meals atleast twice a day, and keep the house clean and immaculate! And my mom is fond of kicking us out, forcing me and my children to find a friends to stay out, get money for motel rooms or sleep in the car. Its crazy! And my mom takes more pills than I ever did, opiates along with plenty of other things and is an alcoholic and a mean drunk.
Anyway that's just some background and I'm going to try to just keep this one thread from now on. Its been quite the rollercoaster ride the last month! I ended up taking an opana around the beginning of the month, like Dec 3 or 4??? That's all I was going to do, but as we all know one is too many and a thousand never enough... I ended up back in wd and then ran out of klonopin, they cut me from 3 1 mg pills a day last month to 3 .5 pills, and I ran out like a week early. It was hell! Now, I can pick my new ones up Monday, but this month they cut me again, down to just 2 of the .5 a day. I don't know what to do about that, I tried arguing but they insisted this is a normal taper and they can't prescribe benzos anymore, they have to get everyone tapered and off due to some law with Obama care??? Ahhhhh, not a great time for that to happen! I don't even normally take them all, but was counting on them now to help with opiate wd, and now I'm running out!
So, I was out of everything! Couldn't even afford Tylenol or anything. Me and my mom were into it, its the holidays, my wild child is now out of daycare and up under me driving me crazy 24/7, I lost my job and only income, I'm going through all kinds of court stuff with my ex about our separation and custody and child support and he's just being especially mean and ridiculous! So, like 2 days after the opana, with all this going on, I come across 15 old perk 10's...and I'm so weak, I took 9 of them over 2 or 3 days! I feel so awful and stupid and weak! I have to get and stay clean this time!
Im about to flush the rest right now, wanted to post first? So my plan is to flush them, break a 8 mg sub in half, take half today and half tomorrow and then be done forever without looking back!
And I believe I have found the missing piece. AFTERCARE AND TAKING CARE OF ME!!! So this time I plan to do those things that are so hard for me. I'm going to start going back to church tomorrow. Starting Monday im going to work on getting into my therapist regularly. I'm going to start taking the meds they give me regular and the right way. Im going to be on this site every day. Im going to find and make some na meetings. I'm going to start taking care of me, which is incredibly difficult as a single mom and an only child living with my parents...BUT with work and support I can and will do this!!!
My daughter is 8 and I still can't pee in peace; it drives me so crazy!!!
Our lives just keep getting closer, lol.
Our lives just keep getting closer, lol.
tiger, I could always work circles around anybody. I would have our house vacuumed , dusted and moped before my husband went to work. I could do it all in 2 hours, we have 2300 ft living space and I could do it all REALLY good before I started on the pills 2 years ago. Now when I feel good I still can. I just need the motivation. It's got to where it's hard to come by. But once I get started I still can and I'm 71. I've got a washing that would choke a horse! I'm the kind that has to have everything perfect. I finely got a lady to come every 2 weeks and I can redo some of the things I don't think she does good enough and keep up with everything. I want you to able to eat off of my floors. So I would have plenty to do to help with the drug thing if I could walk better. I'm still real weak. I've said all this to tell you to relax and enjoy things instead of letting things rule you. Does you ex-husband pay child support? Since Obama is handing out all that money, see if you can get some housing support. You really need to get out of that house and away from your mother. You can't help her and she will just drag you down. I really do have a sense of humor but I've missed placed it today. Your in my prayers. God Bless
Ok I know I've posted like 5 times on here this morning LOL! But I just have alot to say this morning lol!! I was posting here, and reading here, and it just kinda hit me...im only really on day 4 with no opiates, but I feel ok. Thanks to the grace of God and you awesome angels here, I really haven't had any unbearable symptoms this time!!! It might also be because of how the month before went, I quit my doc, roxy, Nov 10, and then had a few perks then subs, which I was thinking of as a relapse, and guess I still do because I'm counting my clean time from after my last opiate of any kind, but maybe it helped me, kind of almost like a taper!??? I don't know, but I know I went through terrible wd symptoms after I quit everything Nov 10, but I seem like be doing ok this time...still have the energy issues and a little achy but that's all. And the whole month, I had been taking vitamins and supplements and all my psychiatrist medicine which I stop taking when I'm on tons of opiates...and after reading on here I went ahead and added the gabapentin, I don't know exactly what it is, but I feel ok! Kind of like the superhero you guys telling me I am lol!
Oh pat, I just reread your post and you are supportive and hilarious! My favorite lol! And yes I will work on my superhero shield lol, and when my mom acts up, or someone irritates me, or my phone gets cut off, or I have a craving I will get out my superhero shield and all will be right with the world! Lol! If you want, I can make you one too! Oh, and my daughter is 4, just turned 4. she's precious and I love her to pieces, but she is definitely my lil wild child diva! No naps, wants to stay up all night, wants to be right up under me at all times, even if I'm just peeing lol! And she is just full of energy and wants your constant attention! You know how when your younger your mom says one day you will understand, one day you have a kid 10 times worse...yea well that's my daughter lol! My son was totally opposite and chill and laid back lol! But I guess I can't say much because my daughter diva is me made over but times ten lol!
And yes, I've always had sleeping issues too so maybe she does too??
And yes, I've always had sleeping issues too so maybe she does too??
Well just to add to all the fun heehee, not, I just realized my phone got cut off today, I didn't have the money to pay it on time. Its always something huh LOL Well its ok, I'm going to look at it as a good and positive thing! At least I can still get on here it seems. And no drug pushers can call me now haha!
Well just to add to all the fun heehee, not, I just realized my phone got cut off today, I didn't have the money to pay it on time. Its always something huh LOL Well its ok, I'm going to look at it as a good and positive thing! At least I can still get on here it seems. And no drug pushers can call me now haha!
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