LOSER

[tigerlily705]

Well. Not even sure what to say. As those of you here that may know me I was heading towards 2 months clean from all pain pills, and had a horrible tooth situation come up. I had a tooth that had cracked months ago, and a huge piece of it broke off and was causing me sooooo much pain right after I detoxed. So, I tried to just ignore the pain and take Ibuprofen800...I just kept thinking this was a cruel joke that I finally wanted off the pills so bad and finally got off them only to have a real painful situation come up. I finally caved and went to the dentist, just wanted the tooth pulled and figured I could handle it, well it ended up being so broke and decayed the tooth was just breaking into pieces and he had to keep pulling bits and pieces out, drilling and breaking pieces, it took 3 hours and he even had to put in stitches my gums were ripped so bad...but I remained strong and told him I only wanted Ibuprofen 800, he told me I was crazy, refused to even write it, but finally comprimised and said he would write both lortab and the Ibuprofen800. So, I just filled the Ibuprofen at first. But ummm Im such a loser because I could not stop thinking about obsessing about how those 15 pills were just right there at the pharmacy waiting for me. Then I rippped my stitches out when I tried to eat soup. And BOOM thats all it took I was right there filling the script and back to popping pills again. And then I got a refill. I still have 3 left, and my tooth hurts so bad I cant even see straight!!! But I am so tired of pills and what my life had become while taking them, and I feel like I was finally making it, I was being so strong and positive, getting into church, 3 kinds of therapy, taking antidepressants and vitamins, coming here and talking, excercising, and I Really thought I could do this. But I got tested and I FAILED faild miserably. And now Im so sad upset guilty pissed, and guess I have to go thru detox again and backtrack I feel like all my brain chemicals were finally getting back in order and I just threw them all out of whack again with more opiates. Maybe Im not strong enough I guess Ill just always be a weak willed junkie

[atthebeach]

that is so awesome. you sound wonderful. PTL. HE is doing great and mighty things on your behalf.
"my chains are gone i've been set free my GOD my SAVIOR has ransomed me and like a flood HIS mercy reigns, unending love amazing grace."  for this song by chris tomlin. enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLbzMhOMdIA

how is everything working out for you? housing,school,job?
sending hugs and prayers,continued blessings
debbie

[gnarly_1]

HEY GIRL good to here from you and so happy your doing well we have another one who put God first and is doing fabulous seek he in the kingdom and all else will be provided for
im so happy you clean and sober without out that we got nothing I hope you find work soon and a place for you and the kids im praying for you it will come in time hang in there try not to get discouraged and you will beat this thing may God bless you and your family abundantly........Gnarly  

[tigerlily705]

Hello all still doing well, praise the Lord! I fought through my little tooth incident and have not taken any pain pills since. And honey, I feel great awesome amazing wonderful. God has broken the chains of addiction from me and I am getting my life back, enjoying every day to the FULLEST!!! Thank you to all my wonderful friends here and For all who are struggling I pray that God will also break the chains of addiction for you as well! Love you guys and please remember WE ARE IN THIS FIGHT TOGETHER AND WE WILL WIN!!!!

[atthebeach]

hey girlfriend,
how is my friend? i hope and pray all is well.......
can we have an update please.......
hugs
debbie

[tigerlily705]

Ahhhhh Debbie Thank you so much and you have NO idea how great and wonderful it is to continue hearing from you!!! yes prayer does change things and I truly believe I have been recieving your prayers and others, I dont know how Im making it with any other explanation!

[atthebeach]

i am so happy to hear from you.  praise the LORD. your post sounds so much better than a week ago. prayer changes things. you keep storming those gates the breakthrough is coming. you prayers are being answered by faith. please make sure you get out to church. did you talk with the pastor yet? did you look into any social services?
you keep fighting the good fight, the LORD is with you. i am praying for you and holding you up
sending many hugs and prayers
debbie

[disFUNctional]

oops sorry wrong post...LOL

[disFUNctional]

It could be post partum depression too...I had that after my second baby!!  
Hang in there girl!!

[tigerlily705]

Hey everyone, just wanted to let anyone here know I was ok! I still havent used any more pain meds and my tooth is actually starting to feel better and so do I!!! Im not like 100 percent yet, I still feeel kinda blah and depressed...not sure if thats the withdrawal or just the mess my life is right now lol. Sooooo, either way just fighting thru it, still looking for a job, and then a car and place. Praying hard every day to just make it through! Love you guys here!

[atthebeach]

the LORD is able to do great and mighty things. reach up and grab HIS hand.
hun i am praying for you.you are not alone. please talk to us. we want to encourage you and find out if you have made any headway looking for housing or for a job. please keep the faith. the chains and bondage of addiction are falling off you in the name of JESUS.
sending hugs and prayers
debbie

[gnarly_1]

HEY ARE YOU OK???

[hiskidd]

Don't beat yourself up. Seriously. Stop this moment and don't again. You know what this reminds me of? My first ever script of Oxy. I wish the doc had said, "Take these for your 'I'm gonna pass out pain,' but don't take them twice a day every day. Once the pain is manageable, toss the pills so you don't get hooked."

So right now, if it's a taper, CT, whatever, I'd say what I wish my doc said to me to you. If you're dying in pain, you can't feel guilty. I remember going to the ER twice in two years for dehydration from the flu. I ached all over. Couldn't even keep water down. Those were the only two times I had Demmorall in my life and I needed it. I don't regret those at all, but it wasn't like they give out Demorrall scripts (Thank God!). So, keep your head up, be real about your pain level, and keep moving forward. You know your body, and you've succeeded before. If you don't give up, you'll never fail.

[atthebeach]

hey hun, that devil is trying everything he can to defeat you, to get you to use again. i want to stand up,get in that shower and tell him to flee, you are a child of the living GOD and you wont listen to his lies.
you are a strong and brave women to leave your abusive husband. you are a beautiful women and deserve to be treated with respect and love. the LORD will see you through.
do you believe that? you have to believe,trust,hope,pray and then get up and do something about it. call the church you went to and ask them for help. go counsel with the pastor.
monday call social services and tell them your situation. they are there to help. please go to church on sunday, you will be encouraged, ask for pray, ask the LORD to increase your faith. do i have to come there on a plane and get you out of bed?? i told my husband i am ready to go.
you keep fighting with all you have in you. you are winning this battle over addiction. your are 60 days clean, that is so awesome.
i am sending you big hugs and lots of prayers
debbie

[gnarly_1]

HEY GIRl first off you dident loose your clean time because you had a tooth pulled and took a couple of lortabs you weren't out binging on them or partying you where using them as intended.....I sent you a message and ment every word of it your just going to have to trust God at this point in your life he wont let you down now its time to work on you tomorrow you get up shower put your makeup on and go out and look for work it may be tuff out there I know it is im looking to but we only need one job not 20 sertatly there is 1 out there somewhere for both of us no chin up look in the mirror and put on a positive attitude
your going to beet this thing and a lot more but you cant give up the fight in the end when it all said and done you will be amassed at how God works all this out just do your part and dot lose faith or give up p/m I have been threw a lot in life read my jurnel where has God been in all this.......your friend Mark  

[Am2BerrySweet]

Doesn't look like you took that many of the tabs??  The stress you are under with 3 kids, no job, doesn't sound like the ex is helping any (as in providing a car) and then being rail roaded out of your parents home. Man, I would feel like the bottom fell out. And yet you have the strength to write.  

I bet this is all stress, depression, desperation.  You name it.  

When you get over this hump, you will be strong as a bull.  Your babies will see that and admire you too.

[tigerlily705]

Ok, I just want to thank each and every one of you! I have been reading every word you all wrote the last few days, and holding on to them dearly, and will write you all back, I have just been feeling so down, depressed, lethargic, blah, kinda sick, achy, bathroom issues , headaches, toothaches, irritated at my ex, my sitution, and worrying about everything like what am I going to do with my life? Where do I even go from here? Ive been staying at my parents over a month now with my 3 kids and they kinda want to know ummm when am I leaving?But I cant find a job anywhere, and I finally got daycare, but then I lost my car. And then got my tooth pulled. And took some lortabs. Soooo it just hit me today am I in withdrawals again??? I realized its been 3 days since I actually took one, although my clean time was 60 days...so question...which one do I count as clean time? And do I have to go thru withdrawals again?

[Am2BerrySweet]

Wow Tigerlily705,
I do admire you hon.  You left an abuser which is not always easy to do in itself. You not only did that, you took 3 babies with you to take care of on your own.  All the things HE did probably beat you down pretty good.  A$$ H l e!!!  Then to run into a road block at your parents.  

Tooth pain is the ultimate worst as it is in your face.  God bless you for having to take something for relief of that.  

You HAVE NOT FAILED!!!!  All of these things combined would keep anyone from putting one foot in front of the other.  I hear strength in you even when you are down.

You really deserve some type of help.  Maybe call your local women's center.......for abused women and children.  They are usually so wonderful with information on where you can go to get services for you and the kids.  They even have councelling at a very low rate.  I paid only $15.00.

God Bless you.  

[ImDONENoMore]

Depression is super common with withdrawal/recovery.  I'm sorry - I know how hard this is.

Are you taking any other meds?  If not, you might want to give the St. John's wort a try - it was unbelievably helpful for me - although I did feel sad for a while, it definitely wasn't depression and I attribute that to the St. John's.  If you do decide to give it a try, just check with the pharmacist if you are on any other meds as there can be interaction issues with this supplement and certain medications.

And I know it's hard - but TRY to take a shower - and put on some clean, but comfy clothes.  That alone will make you feel better - I know you don't have the energy now, but you'll feel a TON better if you do.

Hang in there tiger - it will get better.  Slowly, I know, but this takes time.  You'll get there you'll see. :)

[tigerlily705]

I am soooooo super depressed, havent been out of bed in days or changed clothes or showered. I cant snap out of it. Dont want to use but just feel hopeless about life. Can barely even respond on herre although I am getting the messages and really appreciate it.

[gnarly_1]

Check you e/mail or in box.........Gnarly

[ImDONENoMore]

I have to say - YAY for you, tiger, for LEAVING him.  You deserve a happy life and NO ONE has a right to take that from you.  Period.

[xoNxo]

i feel like when i am feeling the way you do right now, that it just seems so much worse because you are also craving the pills, and just a little bit will make those troubles disapere for a little bit, truth is, yea its nice to have the worrys fade for a while but there just going to come back, fact is you cant live your life using pills as a crutch to not care, (this is my mind i am not saying you are like this) but just thinking if u go your hole life (like i have been doing) having so many life problems you take the pills to let go, it dosnt actually take charge of the problems right? you have kids to do this for and thats a blessing, its so hard to just do it for your self but when we r mothers with children i think that give you more strength to pull through and your going to do it, you have to just keep remembering how badly you want it. call a distress line i did that the last time i was feeling like you do and it helped ;) i wish you the best.

[tigerlily705]

Debbie, no he doesnt use, he does drink but never ever took pills or any other drugs. But he was very abusive and controlling, made me quit work to take care of him, had to have dinner ready every night, house clean, which was fine, until that wasnt enough for him. Which is when the physical abuse and all the cheating came in. We had been married 12 years. He had 18 year old girls calling our phone. And when I would dare say somethig about it, I would get a good beating. Just alot of drama is why I left....

[atthebeach]

Oh honey I am hugging you. There is hope. you can go to the church and ask them if they can help you.go to social services.welfare.food stamps. I forgot why you originally left your husband. Was it an abusive relationship.did he use?
We are here for you.
Praying
Debbie