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Life's decisions and what they mean to those around us.
I can't speak for others, but for me, years of methadone addiction and the disease helped me become a very selfish individual.
With every day getting better, it becomes clearer to me the vast amends I must make to family and friends alike. Materialistic desires have but all vanished from my thoughts and are now being replaced with a desire to help repair emotional damage that I have caused without knowing until now.
The main benifactor of my relentless self pity and emotional wreckage was unfortunately my daughter as I was the only parent that was around to spend time with her. Mom was gone emotionally and physically most of the time so we went through life together.
Her undying love for her Dad and was shaken when after a car wreck, I was airlifted to the hospital and given Nubain. Since I was an opiate addict, detox occurred almost immediately and I began to yell and move uncontrollably. From the waiting room, my daughter heard me and ran back to see what the problem was only to encounter an ER doctor reviewing my chart and finally reading that I was on methadone. When she asked what was wrong, he yelled, "Your Dad is nothing more than an Addict.". Even in as rough a shape as I was, I still remember her face.
Forgiveness is easily attained simply by asking but the emotional pain and suffering of those around us could take years to repair if at all.
Most of us here have found a way to get back our lives. But what about those victims we left in our paths? Do they not deserve the same dedication and time we spend on ourselves?
God Bless,
Mike
With every day getting better, it becomes clearer to me the vast amends I must make to family and friends alike. Materialistic desires have but all vanished from my thoughts and are now being replaced with a desire to help repair emotional damage that I have caused without knowing until now.
The main benifactor of my relentless self pity and emotional wreckage was unfortunately my daughter as I was the only parent that was around to spend time with her. Mom was gone emotionally and physically most of the time so we went through life together.
Her undying love for her Dad and was shaken when after a car wreck, I was airlifted to the hospital and given Nubain. Since I was an opiate addict, detox occurred almost immediately and I began to yell and move uncontrollably. From the waiting room, my daughter heard me and ran back to see what the problem was only to encounter an ER doctor reviewing my chart and finally reading that I was on methadone. When she asked what was wrong, he yelled, "Your Dad is nothing more than an Addict.". Even in as rough a shape as I was, I still remember her face.
Forgiveness is easily attained simply by asking but the emotional pain and suffering of those around us could take years to repair if at all.
Most of us here have found a way to get back our lives. But what about those victims we left in our paths? Do they not deserve the same dedication and time we spend on ourselves?
God Bless,
Mike
You are all too kind. I honestly think that you can't imagine the depth of dispair associated with this disease unless you witness it personally. And who would wish that on anyone?
Southernbelle...
There is a difference between slipping and falling. You slipped. Get up, dust yourself off and keep going. None of us are perfect. Maybe that is part of the disease talking to you. Look, I got you again. It's your choice. If you want to walk from it, then walk. You simply made a mistake. That's what humans do.. they make mistakes. It's what we do with the knowledge of these mistakes that makes us who we are.
Rock on Girl....
Mike
Southernbelle...
There is a difference between slipping and falling. You slipped. Get up, dust yourself off and keep going. None of us are perfect. Maybe that is part of the disease talking to you. Look, I got you again. It's your choice. If you want to walk from it, then walk. You simply made a mistake. That's what humans do.. they make mistakes. It's what we do with the knowledge of these mistakes that makes us who we are.
Rock on Girl....
Mike
Sweet woman..I know where u are at. I've been ther. My husband used to be very supportive and let me lay my head on his lap and massage it and just support me any way wiht genuine concern. then it stopped. For some reason some people just cant be that giving and selfless. they get resentful and they are not really consiously aware o f it i do not believe. But..as i said if my man really loved me with his whole heart and soul. he would help me any way he could. To resent a person who has chronic pain and the disease of addiction is backward and frankly could be seen as cruel. Well, i stayed with him for over 10 years of misery and now i am soo glad i am getting divorced. No the divorce is hell. but...this is my only life. I want to get to the mountain top and i know i cant with him. All the experts now say do not stay for the children. Although that is easeir said than done. That is why i stayed so long. But how is it healthy / good for them to see anger, resentment, lack of intimacy, no passion, no true partnership, and then that is what they learn about marriage and they end up in the same boat as adults!
Well hope this was not too harsh!
Take care and you are in my prayers!
Suzie
e-mail me if ya like at ***@****
Well hope this was not too harsh!
Take care and you are in my prayers!
Suzie
e-mail me if ya like at ***@****
Everything will be okay. ALWAYS follow your heart -- AND your instinct. Trust yourself. If you know you are in the right, then stand your ground. You'll find support here. I've been married for 13 years, and I have two exquisite, precious little girls. (Aren't our kids great?). My husband is my rock, but trust me, we've had our mountains and valleys. We've been close to divorce twice since we've been married. All I can say is only YOU know what truly needs to be done. You know what you ought to do. To thine ownself be true! Be honest with yourself. You only get one shot at this life, there are no second chances. Do what makes you happy. And don't be afraid. Your kids will be fine no matter what. As long as they have love, they will be ok. And I can promise you that from experience. Kids are resilient and just need love. By that I mean, as long as they are always SURE you love them no matter what, then everything will be okay. And nobody else will ever know what it's like to be you. Only YOU know what needs to be done. I had endometriosis, too, really bad, actually had to have some of my intestines removed it had grown so bad. The pain is INTENSE, it is real. If you have to take something for pain, then so be it. Just don't abuse. Endo causes legitimate pain. I went through hell with it, so I understand. Be strong. If you need to talk, email me....***@****. Love and peace to you. Everything WILL be okay!
It's not too harsh. I think my husband is letting his parents have too much influence..they are not being patient with me and understanding that I have real headaches, real pain. My husband threw in my face that he has my med list from the pharmacy and that he couldn't believe how much stuff was there. What he doesn't realize, is that most of the meds I either had a reaction of some kind or made me vomit. I know my sweet guy is still in there somewhere. It's really bad cause he works for his dad so they know when I am feeling yucky. We almost got a divorce over this once..was seperated for 6 months. I still don't think my husband saw any of his or his parents faults. Even the Counselor/Mediator he picked couldn't get through to him. When we got back together, he fianlly saw what his mother was doing. Now, he's back at putting her on a pedalstel and I come second. I remember when I got my shot of Stadol for my migraine..to make a long story short, my mother in laws Cadilacc broke down after we were leaving the doc's office..she didn't even realize I was still with her cause she was more concerned about her car which was still in a valid parking space, anyway, I called a girlfriend to come and get me cause I was out of it with 3 kids, so she did, took me home and I thanked my mother in law 3 times for taking me to the doc, and explained that I was really out of it and needed to lay down and she said ok, a friend is coming to pull my cr home in 30 mis.. An hour later I get a phone call from the husband..he didn't ask how I felt or what the doc had said..all he said as soon as I answered the phone is "make sure you thank my mom" I told him I did 3 times already and he said "well, she feels as though you weren't thankful enough!!! I told him that I was concentrating on getting rest and that I already thanked her 3 times, and he called me selfish, etc..I went off on him and his mother..she DENIED saying anything to my husband then finally Admitted it!! I can't take this. My husband I thought realized all this **** when we seperated for 6 months and now we are back to the same ****. I've really had it.
I just posted a long letter to you and it wouldn't let me post it..saying too many users. My head is throbbing..I called the doc again! Still haven't heard back since 2 hrs ago. ANyway, I'll e-mail you when this headache goes away. Thanks for answering my post.
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