How did you quit?

[worried878]

I still see people here that wanna hold on to their pills...for me i found that was leterally impossible to do..i would fail everytime..and flushing for me was empowering and helped with my recovery cos if i had the guts to watch those puppies swirl down the comode..then i had power over them..and it had always been vice versa....was just curious how many people kept or even still keep pills in their possession after quitting?  quitting successfully?  how many tried to quit and kept the pills and failed?

[CATUF]

I kept trying to quit over a period of about 4.5 years.  A taper did work once or twice, but I'd usually suffer through the WD of CT.  Whichever method, my clean time never lasted long.  I had lots of 25 and 30 day runs, and once 58 days, but I'd always start again and almost immediately I'd be worse than before.  

Toward the end I somehow switched from eating and snorting tabs to hitting a crack stem.  Crack did pretty much take care of my pill habit, but it came very close to killing me and just as close to landing me in prison.  All in all though, the crack turned out to be a very good thing for me, as it took me down hard and quickly - there was no longer any way to hide the fact that SOMETHING was seriously wrong.

Part of my "secret" (just the pill-part, I kept the crack-part to myself) got out just before Christmas of '04 and I was pretty much forced into rehab.  Came back 35 days later looking and feeling like a new man.  It was really amazing I had gained 30 pounds and looked healthy for the first time in years.  BUT, less than 48 hours later I went for the "just one last time."

I remember thinking just as I was about to use about an oft-repeated admonition from rehab: "Don't use at all or you'll reactivate you addiction."  I fearfully thought to myself "what if they're right about that?"  But I quickly dismissed that with what I saw as a more rational statement: "well, I just won't let that happen."

Surprise, Surprise!!  They WERE right and I was powerless to stop it from happening.  The next 4.5 months were a truly wild ride, but they took me to a place I needed to be in order to really begin my recovery.  By the time I got to my 2nd rehab I had lost those 30 pounds, plus seven more, and I looked like I was in the final stages of cancer.

I stayed at the 2nd rehab exactly 4 months.  That amount of time in a safe place was very important for me.  I think I was little more than relapse waiting to happen until about 90 days.  But right at that 90 day mark I felt like everything changed in my brain - the whole world and how I processed everything suddenly seemed significantly different.  It was like I was suddenly in and a part of a whole new world.

Later I read about this change in Time mag's article How We Get Addicted: "One important discovery: evidence is building to support the 90-day rehabilitation model, which was stumbled upon by AA (new members are advised to attend a meeting a day for the first 90 days) and is the duration of a typical stint in a drug-treatment program. It turns out that this is just about how long it takes for the brain to reset itself and shake off the immediate influence of a drug. Researchers at Yale University have documented what they call the sleeper effect--a gradual re-engaging of proper decision making and analytical functions in the brain's prefrontal cortex--after an addict has abstained for at least 90 days."  see http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1640436,00.html

I clearly remember thinking "Oh my God!!  THIS is how I need to be if I'm going to stay clean!!"  But I quickley thought that I should probably stay longer to make sure I could stay in that "new place."

I stayed another month and I'm very glad I did.  I did not relapse and will hit the four-year mark in 10 days.  However, those first few months back were not easy.  Being back in the "real world" often felt like waking up in the middle of a using dream, even though I avoided all "people, places and things" like the plague.  

It wasn't bad all the time.  In fact it was good most of the time.  But there were bad moments on a daily basis. One big thing that got me safely through this time was going to lots of AA meetings.  I had no trouble making 90-in-90 -- I kept up my average of 10 meetings a week for a long time.  These days I seem to hit about 5 a week.  

Another big thing for my recovery was finding a Higher Power that I could believe in.  That was no easy task for me, as I was somewhere between agnostic and atheist, with strong leaning toward the latter.  However, I was so ready to get better by my 2nd rehab that when I was told to start praying for faith in some Higher Power, I just did it instead of arguing about the obvious flaws in such a dumb suggestion.  Funny thing was that it worked despite those logical flaws and despite my certainty that it would fail.

Addiction is primarily a spiritual problem and it requires a spiritual solution.

Although my Higher Power is not what you'd find described in the Bible, I do find good stuff in the  Bible that seems to speak directly to my disease and my continuining recovery.  One of my favorites is from Psalms 107:

"Some became fools through their rebellious ways and suffered affliction because of their iniquities.  They loathed all food and drew near the gates of death.
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave."


CATUF

[worried878]

same here...i know many say they can keep em...but for many it can be years or mths before they cave..and it always starts with "just one"  and the person thinks they r in control again..but it usually doesnt happen/to use successfully after quitting an addiction unless it is in strictly monitiored fashion...the memory of wd fades,  the reasons why we quit become not so important anymore..and boom..it happens...sux but true for any..but everyone is different..i just cant c why people hold onto pills if they do not plan on doing them again...i wouldnt put myself thru the torture..when i quit smokin i could never keep cigs in the house either...to each his own and more power to those who remain clean for a lifetime with pills in their possession...ouch/hurts to think bout it for me

[sw9281]

By keeping pills 3 years ago I was clean for 4 months and then one day my back acted up so what would 1 pill do. Lesson learned. Do not give yourself the opportunity to walk into the next room and have access to anything you are addicted to. Now 3 years later after failing at tapering at least 10x, I went on Subs and gave my wife 100% of my percs to get out of the house. When I was done with my Sub taper I did the same thing. Now I have told all my Drs never to write me an rx for an opiate. I would not know where to go to get a pill even if I had a craving (which thank god at day 30 off Subs has not happened). Getting a pill is not an option. For me it will be the only way becuase I know one day if I had some percs laying around what I would do.

[addict3]

I kept them for a year, I just knew I couldn't take ONE or it would be overwith. With the exception of a few in a first aid kit, I flushed the rest a month ago.

They called my name really hard for a few months after detox.............

[fade2black]

Was taking 35mg of percocet a day.When i was getting near the end of my script I called for a refill and doc said he would only give me tramadol so I got those to get me tapered down on the percs and now after 18 months of opioids im 12 days clean. First 2-3 days werent bad but day 4 the gastro/flu symptoms came and that was 3 days of hell. Now just gotta get past the insomnia........ No way could I have kept any pills around, just too tempting. Good luck to everyone, it gets easier day by day!!!

[beatingthis]

I did a taper so I guess I kept my pills. But i have been in cleandom for 74 days now!!

Terry

[Totsie59]

Set a quit date..got up that morning...flushed every pill I had..could not have them in the house...later that wk, I called pharmacist told her about my problem, and changed drs...

[josh231]

like when i qit i lived with my rent and my dad had um laying around the house but i knew that this was somthing i had to do so i did there were many times that i thought man i just need one or two to get through this day of work or anything but i didnt give in and now im normal the same normal as people who take pills to feel normal its the exact same normal when you quit it takes a little but you forget what pills do and its great

[Florida_Guy737]

I had some meds left after my taper and kept them for about 2 months and then flushed them.  Wanted to be sure I was ready and I found out I was.  

Good Question...hopefully all paths lead to the same cleandom :-)

Guy

[refusingbondage]

I quit when I ran out and started suboxone.. I quit the suboxone after years on it but waited for the last script to be almost finished.. like guv338, sub withdrawal was so bad I would never ever touch it again. I could have piles of subs and not even think about taking one. Even though it was a loong time since I've taken vicodin, percocet or oxy - if you count the 2+ years on suboxone, I STILL cannot have then anywhere near me or in the house.  I had a very minor relapse in Dec/Jan with vicoprofen because I was around someone who had them... Let alone have them in the house.. They wouldn't last a day in my house.. that's just the type of addict I am I guess.

[guv338]

I jumped from about 600 mg day of Oxy after I took my last 4 pills at 5pm, Jan 24, 2009.
I timed my jump with my running out after many, many years.  I knew that there was no
reason to try to stop while holding pills.  They would have been history very soon.  From there I did two days ct and started a 25 day sub taper.  I stopped the Suboxone on day
25, Feb, 24, 2009,  jumping from 2 mg/day and still have several of those around.  They dont even tempt me.  The sub WD has been so bad, I just dont think I would ever take them,  guess I should give them the big flush of shame.

[merrymaria]

tried to taper but i never could do it....1 more all the time...so i had to make sure they were ALL gone.....i took my final 12 july 4th, 2008......did find a couple i had stashed and forgot about maybe 3 months into recovery....put them in a kleenex and into the trash...YaY!...maria

[Brrrrad]

Down the toileeeeeeee they went!!  There was know other way.  Stay Strong

[allaboutmary]

I couldn't make it an hour with them in my possession.

[gizzy32]

I feel so left out cause my DOC was not pills, lol. I know with coke if I even so much as saw it on tv, it would be instant craving and my nose would start twitching, at least for the first few months I had quit. The few times i did have pills, oxy/perks/demerol, i always took more than what i should have. Regardless, I can not have any drugs around me, it's a big trigger and quitting would be impossible for me.  I did flush coke one time and it was so empowering. I accept that when I am around drugs I am weak. I think most times people keep pills around after quitting is because they haven't fully let go, but that is only my opinion and could be wrong.

[road2recovery]

I could not have them around either...I forgot what day i was on, but my little one found one on the carpet under the dinner table, and said mom here is your vitamin...Just typing that makes me sick, anyway, I remember flushing it ( my first flush ) and that feeling was just like worried said, I felt so powerfull...I don't want them in my house, if I really had a situation that i needed them, hubby would hold them...
r2r

[worried878]

I counted out what i needed for a taper which ended up being a farce..i felt like a big fat loser cos i couldnt taper to save my life..finally flushed those as well and just went for it...no way can i have them here..even now

[wanttobeclean]

Made it to cleandom after flusing them.  Flushed them after 2 days of withdrawls.  I initially kept them, just "in case" the symptoms got too bad.  Funny thing was that when they got really really bad, I never wanted to go through it again,, so that's when I flushed them.  That was 320 days ago.  No regrets.

[freeatlasttake4]

I kept them.  Still have em.  it's only day 14 but it's a reminder that I am in control.  So far so good.  This isn't my first try but it's the longest the withdrawal is fading and I feel like I'm made it.  

[jollyman069]

same as sara...i had a love affair with my pills so i had to get rid of them

[dominosarah]

I knew i couldnt have any in my possession.............

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

I made it to cleandom. But I would have made it a few months earlier had I not kept any pills. Live and learn.