Making plans...

[MissLesa]

After yesterdays fiasco I realize I need more help than c/t and willpower.I was by myself in my room and I just lost it big time. My husband is considered legally deaf (he's able to read lips) and he walked into the room just as I was getting the razor. The thing is I really don't want to die, I jist want all the physical and emotional pain to end. I truly believe it was Divine intervention! Ya see, between the 2 of us we have 5 children. My 2 are grown but his 3 are still minors...how selfish is that!

Hubby and I decided the best thing would be either in patient or detox coupled with out patient. I also realize that with   My major depression I also need extensive counseling or possibly aa na, not sure which yet as I'm at the beginning stages. I also have a chronic disease and I need to learn better ways of coping.

I do want to apologize for getting so upset yesterday, I truly was in dire staights!
Thank you all and God Bless.

[LeaAnn807]

Honey, I am in NO position to judge anyone.....EVER!  You are ill right now, but that does not mean you are not a good person.  You just need some help here, ok?  

Sometimes we all just need a little shove in the right direction.  I have before, I promise.  Now...I'm just shoving you!!!  I don't want you or anyone else for that matter to die!  As far as the person who sent you an ugly message, just leave them in your dust, and get better.  Take the positive things that you need from this forum and leave the negative behind.  That is what I do!  

I think that you are ready to get better!  Now...just DO IT!!! : )

[MissLesa]

Thank you both for being so helpful, and yes David you did help me, you made me realize how there are others to think about...I know life can be beautiful, I just had a TEMPORARILY moment of weakness...I feel much better now. I am formulating a plan to help with all my problems..I believe that "if you ask you shall receive" and my first post was deleted and with good cause!

I TRULY,TRULY want to thank you both from the bottom of my heart for understanding and NOT judging me...you see I received a hateful message from one of the members to stop feeling sorry for myself and I have to be honest I have read this site for a couple of yrs. now and I've never had someone be so cruel to me. So the fact that you both were so kind makes me grateful...the best to you both!

[Dav125]

MissLesa,, I pray they were good tears..And I think they were..Sometimes we need to hear such things from sources we don't know as stuff close to home never seems to get thru..I've had experiences like it in my life and I am very happy that this past knowledge I had did help you come out of that dark place and see exactly how important and special you are..

You'll be fine..Have faith and seek the help..Within a weeks time your life will reblossom and the sun will begin to shine once again...Your very very welcome...David

[LeaAnn807]

I have to say that I have never been suicidal.  I have a great life, and I try to constantly be grateful for it.  Having said that.....there have been times that I did not CARE if I died, obviously by some of my actions while using drugs.  But I have never intentionally tried to hurt myself or even thought about it.  For one thing,  I would never do that to my parents or kids!

It will get better.  Just get some counseling, ok?  Don't let this go!

[MissLesa]

You are so right..when I think about how despondent I was I realized I need major help!

I really am so Blessed in many ways but yet I couldn't think beyond my own pain at that
moment..I know I sound pathetic but the feelings were real. I just thank God that my hubby was there! BTW..has anyone else felt the same?

[MissLesa]

Dav, reading you're response has me in tears! Words cannot express my sorrow for you and your children! And to think just less than 12hours ago I was contemplating the same thing..you have really opened my eyes and made me realize it's not about me anymore.

My step childrens mother has all but abandoned them so the only parents they have is their father and I.

Thank you for that eye opener and God Bless because I'm sure it's not easy...

[LeaAnn807]

You are doing the right thing.  You need to get some help with those issues, so you can get them behind you for good!  There are professionals who will know just how to help you, and I hope you get something done really soon.  Feeling desperate and suicidal is nothing to play around with!

Let us know your plans, ok?  And best of luck!

[Dav125]

MissLesa, things can't never be that bad girl. Three little one's at home? I have 4 teens at both end of the spectrum. Being raising them for 11 years on my own starting when they were1,2,4 and 7..Then had to deal with their mother taking her life a year ago.

Your too important to them to even begin to think the way you did awhile ago..If you can do the inpatient, go for it..You will get detox there as well as assistance with the depression. Alot of the depression is probably coming from the pills I might add..Go for inpatient,,you will come out a changed and beautiful person..