Aa
Man, oh man
Hello --- this is my first real post, day 5 of self CT detox at home with the support of my wonderful wife (who has kept our 2 kids 10&7 at bay during this awful but extremely necessary hell ride called DETOX). I got here like most others but I feel like I should tell a bit of my story as it may relate to someone thinking about quitting or going through detox, as I know it helped me to relate to the threads so I could kind of track what to expect, so if you are not interested feel free to move on but in any event I will make it short and sweet.
Ok, so here it goes -- I originally injured my knees through athletics (boxing) running and rope work being the main culprits, but I never used anything other than OTC to get through the pain. After leaving the sport I still enjoyed running on a regular basis but I started to put on weight and I think that really crunched my knee and my problem became more painful (yes, I avoided going to a doctor because I have a personal fear of surgery but after reading these threads I may have ended up in the same place anyway) so a friend or two offered me some pills and to their credit they warned me of the consequences, but big strong me never thought it could happen (hah, what a joke that thought process is). Well, once I took these pills I can run pain free, and to make a long story short I found a dealer and as of 5 days ago I was staring at the business end of a 60 mg a day habit that was primed to start moving up rapidly. Now, the funny thing I found out during this was 1) How many people are hooked on these devil pills 2) How drastically it was changing my behavior (loss of sex drive, motivation, anger issues), but to me the funniest part is I was the last to see these changes but everyone around me saw these changes to the point that if I continued it was not a matter of "if" I would lose my friends and family but "when" I would and that thought scared me straight (thank god). So dreading and fearing the process of Detox, I said its time for the fight of and for my life. Well, I don't need to go through the details but most of you know what my week has been like, lol.... So in day 5 I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's bringing a tear to my eye as I truly feel it was a small (yet painful) price to pay for what matters to me the most, as I am sure you can all understand. I also wanted to quickly share how I handled the mental aspect of this journey in hopes it will help someone else but it really helped me keep my eye on the prize. I feared detox, after reading the threads I feared it more than anything and in a way I can understand why people think of it but don't do it, as well as bail out when the **** hits the fan after reading the horror stories (I would almost suggest people not detailing the horror, but I totally understand why it needs to be explained, Christ I read story after story to get a understanding of everything). Back to the point, the remedies for the physical WDs are only part of making this process easier, for me I was willing to deal with all that, it was the mind **** that really got me, so I decided to make this process a business deal, meaning these WDs are a price, a price to pay for keep what you currently have and/or gaining an opportunity to get back what you lost or better yet what you want to achieve. For me, (I understand that my happiness is not going to relate everyone who reads this but if you are on this forum then you are fighting for something) it was my family and I said to myself that there is nothing in the world I would not do to keep and protect my family, I would sacrifice my life for them I need be, so here I am I can continue to pop pills so,I can ******* run more and feel a bit euphoric everyday and have my erratic behavior chase all that I have away or I can pay for a normal life with WDs. Of course I chose the WDs and like I said, I made a "great business decision". Any way I hope that put this whole process in a different light for somebody teetering on if they should do or continue doing this process. So much for short and sweet.. Lol
Now for my question, I'm in day 5 and I'm feeling good but very tired from the lack of sleep with last night being the worst as far as RLS, should I expect that to continue a few more days or am I winding down and could start expecting some more sleep. Also, out of curiosity WTF is the cause of RLS and why does it occur?
Well I'm signing off now, but I want to wish you all well in your recovery and the best wishes in your new life that you deserve.
Peace and Love
Ok, so here it goes -- I originally injured my knees through athletics (boxing) running and rope work being the main culprits, but I never used anything other than OTC to get through the pain. After leaving the sport I still enjoyed running on a regular basis but I started to put on weight and I think that really crunched my knee and my problem became more painful (yes, I avoided going to a doctor because I have a personal fear of surgery but after reading these threads I may have ended up in the same place anyway) so a friend or two offered me some pills and to their credit they warned me of the consequences, but big strong me never thought it could happen (hah, what a joke that thought process is). Well, once I took these pills I can run pain free, and to make a long story short I found a dealer and as of 5 days ago I was staring at the business end of a 60 mg a day habit that was primed to start moving up rapidly. Now, the funny thing I found out during this was 1) How many people are hooked on these devil pills 2) How drastically it was changing my behavior (loss of sex drive, motivation, anger issues), but to me the funniest part is I was the last to see these changes but everyone around me saw these changes to the point that if I continued it was not a matter of "if" I would lose my friends and family but "when" I would and that thought scared me straight (thank god). So dreading and fearing the process of Detox, I said its time for the fight of and for my life. Well, I don't need to go through the details but most of you know what my week has been like, lol.... So in day 5 I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's bringing a tear to my eye as I truly feel it was a small (yet painful) price to pay for what matters to me the most, as I am sure you can all understand. I also wanted to quickly share how I handled the mental aspect of this journey in hopes it will help someone else but it really helped me keep my eye on the prize. I feared detox, after reading the threads I feared it more than anything and in a way I can understand why people think of it but don't do it, as well as bail out when the **** hits the fan after reading the horror stories (I would almost suggest people not detailing the horror, but I totally understand why it needs to be explained, Christ I read story after story to get a understanding of everything). Back to the point, the remedies for the physical WDs are only part of making this process easier, for me I was willing to deal with all that, it was the mind **** that really got me, so I decided to make this process a business deal, meaning these WDs are a price, a price to pay for keep what you currently have and/or gaining an opportunity to get back what you lost or better yet what you want to achieve. For me, (I understand that my happiness is not going to relate everyone who reads this but if you are on this forum then you are fighting for something) it was my family and I said to myself that there is nothing in the world I would not do to keep and protect my family, I would sacrifice my life for them I need be, so here I am I can continue to pop pills so,I can ******* run more and feel a bit euphoric everyday and have my erratic behavior chase all that I have away or I can pay for a normal life with WDs. Of course I chose the WDs and like I said, I made a "great business decision". Any way I hope that put this whole process in a different light for somebody teetering on if they should do or continue doing this process. So much for short and sweet.. Lol
Now for my question, I'm in day 5 and I'm feeling good but very tired from the lack of sleep with last night being the worst as far as RLS, should I expect that to continue a few more days or am I winding down and could start expecting some more sleep. Also, out of curiosity WTF is the cause of RLS and why does it occur?
Well I'm signing off now, but I want to wish you all well in your recovery and the best wishes in your new life that you deserve.
Peace and Love
Wow -- I have to say you guys all know your stuff and thank you! I actually slept 8 hours last night (more than I have slept in years) and my mood was on a steady flow all day. I can not believe I am the same person that was sitting up and freaking out just a few nights ago. The most ironic thing happened as well as I was offered an excellent business opportunity today, now I'm NOT trying to say it would not have happened if I didn't try to become clean but I am saying who knows how I would have handled it if my head were still stuffed in those stupid pills. In any event it's just amazing how good thing can happen from making good decisions. I also want to clereify that I am still not 100% but to be truthful I forgot what a 100% was since I was on those stupid pills so damn long --- a matter of fact a friend help me figure out that I was on these pills for over 3 years (originally I thought it was about 2 yrs). Amazing and upsetting at the same time, oh well -- water under the bridge nothing I can do about that now except moving forward and enjoying life without the burden of these pills. I'm also ready to face the true fight now of staying clean and like I stated before my checks and balances are in place for me to live pill free. So my friends, thank you again and I will keep checking in to try and help others as well as report on my progress as I know it helps people who are going through the deep dark dog days that there is a definite payoff to the incrediable decision they have made to rid themselfs of this terrible drug.
Thank you and congrats on your accomplishments -- my guard is way up and I'm a tremendouse counter puncher (lol, some boxing anologies always work). I know I'm all excited about feeling good now, but after a few weeks and months pass the real battle begins but I'm up for it and I've built the network to keep an eye on me but ultimately it is up to me alone, a challenge we all have in moving forward but I really, and truly believe I will succeed, but like I said I have those checks and balances in place to help me... Thank you for your advise and well wishes, they are always welcome!
Congradulations on your accomplishment!! Your story was heartfelt. Mine was different I took the pills for fun. One year ofter being sober I was given some pills and put them in a drawer. I didn't think twice about them. Then one day I had an extreme migrange and found them and thought oh its been a year and took them. I was hooked for several weeks after that. Then I went thru DETAX again now I am back at the start of my recovery. I just want you to know that I was told on this sight that the mind games are a strong thing that will get you if you let your guard down and I took the advice for awhile then my thinking changed. I slacked off at my meetings etc. Please stick with your plan. Good Luck to you and your family.
Congrats on Day 4!!! Yes, I am with you on the sleep thing but im sitting in bed now with heavy eyes and no RLS as of now (hopefully that holds) so overall it seems to be getting better so hang in there, I'll post tomorrow to let you know how it went.. Have the best night you can and keep on doing what your doing...
Thanks for your well wishes and info -- I am lucky and soooo thankful for what I have, my wife has seen me through some tough times with being a boxer but this one took the cake --- I think I will be cooking dinner for the next few months -- lol
All the best!
All the best!
Congrats on day 5. I am through day 4. The sleep part is the most aggrevating for me. I know the mental part will always be a struggle for being an addict. I have just convinced myself that I just have to take it one day at a time and if I have to deal with crappy sleep for the rest of my life then that is what I will do to have my life back.
laurel named good natural alternatives to get through this. I might just add it's the tonic water with quinine that is supposed to help with the RLS. And bananas helped me a lot because of their high potassium content. Never tried the Hyland's but have seen other members say it helped them as well.
The immodium A-D will also help - apparently not only with the stomach issues but the overall withdrawal symptoms too. I only took it a couple of times so I can't really offer any experience with that.
But I have to say your head is in the right place and it's really great that you have such a strong support system around you. That will be HUGE in your recovery.
Congrats for quitting :) (and welcome!)
The immodium A-D will also help - apparently not only with the stomach issues but the overall withdrawal symptoms too. I only took it a couple of times so I can't really offer any experience with that.
But I have to say your head is in the right place and it's really great that you have such a strong support system around you. That will be HUGE in your recovery.
Congrats for quitting :) (and welcome!)
does it ? I am not sure how can it helps because from what i know loperamide does not cross the blood-brain barrier..so i don't see how it can effect the brain receptors re dopamine BUT i am no expert !
... Try the natural remedies like mineral supplements, Hylands restful legs, tonic water .... You will feel better in a couple of weeks as worst, i would think.
... Try the natural remedies like mineral supplements, Hylands restful legs, tonic water .... You will feel better in a couple of weeks as worst, i would think.
Sorry, one more question. What are your thoughts on using loperamide for RLS -- I was reading it helps?
I kept it simple - no easy access to pills. I told my secret so I wouldn't use behind it. And I go to meetings for several reasons, one is in hopes of finding out what drives my addiction. During the 15 years of BSing myself I became very familiar with the games my head plays. I can't control it - I'm just aware and on guard.
Makes sense -- wow these pills are really time bombs, I'm sure they provide a quality of life for certain typs of chronic pain patients but the truth of the matter is that from what I see these things are being handed out to people by docs in all specialties and it is just out of control.. Anyway, sorry to get political I'm just new to this scene and pissed that these things are given out like candy and innocent people get hooked because a doc doesn't want phone calls about pain, crazy world.. Thanks again.
Yes, your questions are important --- as of now, my wife, brother, a colleague, a few close friends and neighbors are all in the know and part of my support system and to be frank will drag my *** to rehab if I relapse. I can really tell you that right now I have no desire for a pill but I know that can change on a dime, so I do have my guard up --- im am getting my knee done (I'm going to wait a few weeks) and my wife will make sure I am not prescribed this **** -- and I will inform the doc of my issues. As far as sources I was never prescribed a single pill -- I was buying from a dealer that I will not have a problem with avoiding as the number was erased from my phone but ultimately I again am on the honor system with that and I will have to be strong. As far as meetings, one of my very close friends and neighbor is 20 years recovered and is aware of my situation and is there for me when I need and is keeping a close eye on me and part of the possy that will drag me to rehab if I relapse.... I know this is a lifetime commitment and not a onetime event, so with all my power I will try to mend and heal with my current support system... This was way more than I bargained for so I'm pretty sure I was scared straight but I will look to this forum if my mind weakens and I start thinking I can handle a pill or 2-- thank you for your support and making me layout my plan, your thoughts on this are welcome.
Kyle has given to you some very good advice... btw, congrats on your 5th clean day :)
From what i have read, the RLS is caused by an imbalance of dopamine, in short. So considering that after quitting, we have a general and total imbalance of dopamine, endorphines, serotonin, etc, etc ... RLS is not that bad nor the worst we could get for some days after quitting but it is so annoying.. good luck wth it, !
From what i have read, the RLS is caused by an imbalance of dopamine, in short. So considering that after quitting, we have a general and total imbalance of dopamine, endorphines, serotonin, etc, etc ... RLS is not that bad nor the worst we could get for some days after quitting but it is so annoying.. good luck wth it, !
Great job on day 5. For me, that was the turning point and I started seeing improvements. You will have bad days mixed in with the good, but don't let that throw you. Its a normal part of this process. RLS - don't know what causes it; I had it bad, it passed, and I was happy. As far as sleep goes, it is one of the last things that fall in to place. I didn't sleep well for several weeks; in fact, I posted (complained) more about lack of sleep than I did my days in hell detox.
Just a couple of observations/questions...You don't mention after care, nor do you talk about cutting your sources. These two things have to happen in order for you to stay clean. The mental game never stops - the voices, the temptation, will be there all of your life. So, you need to cut all sources to pills; tell your doc, dentist, pharmacy that you're an addict, or at least the you've had a problem with pills, and asked to be red flagged. Your friends and family have to know - they are part of your support system. And finally, you need some sort of after care - NA meetings and such.
I struggled for over 15 years; I didn't so what was important so I kept relapsing. The odds are against you if you don't build a solid foundation for your on going recovery. Don't be fooled - the physical detox was the easy part. Staying clean is where the real work starts.
Just a couple of observations/questions...You don't mention after care, nor do you talk about cutting your sources. These two things have to happen in order for you to stay clean. The mental game never stops - the voices, the temptation, will be there all of your life. So, you need to cut all sources to pills; tell your doc, dentist, pharmacy that you're an addict, or at least the you've had a problem with pills, and asked to be red flagged. Your friends and family have to know - they are part of your support system. And finally, you need some sort of after care - NA meetings and such.
I struggled for over 15 years; I didn't so what was important so I kept relapsing. The odds are against you if you don't build a solid foundation for your on going recovery. Don't be fooled - the physical detox was the easy part. Staying clean is where the real work starts.
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