day 53 clean...but i wanna use and im not sure how to stop it.

[ronny3]

Its been 53 days now since i stopped using opiates, and this past week has been real hard to stop thinking about using again...It hasnt even been stressfull at all, i actually went away with my girlfriend to new jersey, but everything i do im thinking wouldnt it just be that much better with a pill or 3 or 5... :/   Ive been keeping myself busy and i know i cant go back, but as more time goes by i think im starting to convince myself more and more that i want to use again once.  Not sure what to do or if i can work it out of my head because its really getting to that point where im not sure...ive never made it this far, ive relapsed in the past, and this time around i know what happens when you use again once.  Im just not sure how to help myself right now.

And to everyone who helped me orginally thank you....

_Ron

[snowflake620]

hang on ron you can do this don't give up you have come so far and are such an inspiration to all who come to this forum and see 54 days clean you give people hope!snowflake

[ronny3]

hey worried i didnt see your post...thank you.

sad thing is i know the dark place i was at since it was for so long..but everything im doing right now is reminding me off them.  Im fighting not to cave in, and the people that said the hardest part is not the withdrawals, but staying sober, was right...man i figured if i went this long i'd start feeling better, but i guess its possible its paws.  But i have no other symptoms of it, just the ridiculous cravings, that are really drawing me in.  I was thinking of calling my old dealer earlier and i had to fight myself and i worked out, but not again i seem to have these same feelings.  Thank god my gf will be here in about an hour or so, that will help me out.  AA i know i have to, i went to two meetings on my second week and i couldnt take it, i had so much anxiety and didnt want to be there.  My only aftercare is this board, and 3 friends i have that are recovered (or recovering since it never ends) drug addicts, and when i have cravings i call them for advice.

:/

the void is definately there...even though till a week ago or at short periods i didnt feel it...now i do.

[ronny3]

Thank you everyone....i made it to today...another day.  I feel good today, though i did have a dream that had me using...but i think i can continue to fight it.

Hey totallost, how have you been doing?  i have been pretty good till now..still good though.  i hope you too..thanks again.  :)

[worried878]

posting and recognizing ur cravings is a big step rather than caving instead...good 4 u and congrats on 53 days!  there is an article in the health pages on cravings..it helps ..listing all the reasons u quit can help as well..what were they?  it must not have been a barrel of fun any longer or u wouldnt have quit..sumpin was very wrong...gotta go back and relive that dark place u were at sometimes..God made us so we forget painful things as time goes on..or women would be afraid to have babies over and over!

AA has the motto..90 meetings in 90 days...there is a reason for this as 90 days is the mark that the brain has healed enuf so that these cravings get better, the depression and lack or energy improve...u r not there yet..maybe u can make 90 ays a goal right now?  do u go to meetings or any type of aftercare?

[SophieShine]

Hey there,
good to see you back! days 53 wow...
Ron.. hang in there. come on you've been so strong. YOU CAN DO THIS
Please keep posting and don't use, you helped us so much in the past.

[anxious2stop]

congrats on 53 days.. but just think if u use again its not only gonna be that one time.. ur prolly thinking ive gone for 53 days i can do it one more time... but thats not the way it works PLEASE  DONT DO IT stay strong im going on four days off vicodin and im sure you know the feeling so just think you dont wanna have that feeling again.. im going thru hell right now and hoping to walk thru the other side and if you can go for 53 days it gives me hope.. god bless

[freebird227]

You asked if the thoughts of mental peer pressure go away?? The answer is Yes. There will come a   time when you are confortable in your own skin...where ever you  go. Addiction is 3 fold Spiritual, mental, and physical.The mental obsession is part of your illness Your physical craving is the   physical aspect and the total self centerdness is the spiritual.Early on in recovery it is really easy too fall prey to euorphic recall. Certain places will bring up these memories If you don't pick up you won't use. Watch where your feet are taking you and pay attention to who you are talking to. Please find a way to get to a meeting( if you were lookig dope you would find a way to get that.)Don't use no matter what.keep posting Get ot of your head you are powerless to think your way out of this.You need outside help....like this forum for example Our best thinking got us here.I've watched you get clean sense I got here Today you have some clean time it's up to you if you choose to throw it all away Not everyone that goes back out gets another chance, People die every day fron this disease Please stay around Maybe there is some stuff you need to process with   one of the guys on here.... you can always pm them You are in my prayers Be Blessed

[broknbck]

hey man, you are where many have been. know the feeling. what i figured was that when i quitting using, yeah i was free, but it left a void.
i could not continue my life as it was without the drugs. so- i totally changed my life!
new job, new place to live, new friends, new hobbies- a whole new life. and this time there is no struggles. i will not even go near an aspirin.
lets face it, the drugs changed us and our lives and i personally will never be exactly the same again. but i do think i am a much better person now after going thru it all anyway.
it's like a self-discovery time, becoming a new person.
hah- the new and improved!!
best to you and hang tough......
it aint worth it!!!!

[toxictome]

A few things i did when i stopped drinking/drugging...I asked God to remove the thoughts...period! I didn't say..."please keep me from drinking/drugging".....
I said..."PLease remove these thoughts". It always worked..for me anyway...

Another thing i do is play the tape all the way thru to the end...
and REMEMBER the REASONS why I wanted to STOP taking the pills.....
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I dont' understand...why cant' you be at meetings?

Good Luck!! and KEEP POSTING!!!

CONGRATS ON 53 DAYS!!

[merrymaria]

yes...i think it s PAWS...it just creeps up and tries to grab ya...ya got to stay strong and hang tight...it will pass soon...please read about it in the health pages...maria

[dominosarah]

The drink and smoke wont help........You can do this all substance free.  Dig deep and keep fighting this.           sara

[linlou52]

OK--maybe this'll help.  I'm fairly new to here but am w/d from tram and sub.  (13 days and 7 days)  Horrible tremors at night, intense shaking and hot and cold, cannot function to take care of my life, feel like hell, can't sleep.

PLEASE DON'T USE AGAIN!  You do NOT want to go through what I'm going through again.  I like the way Emily Post (on this site) put it:  "this is WAR."  So you have to do whatever you can to protect yourself.  Your life is worth more than drugs.

Take care

[ronny3]

Thanks everyone, i know about PAWS, its not paws this time around...not sure, i guess everything around me is a trigger..im gonna keep fighting it, i needed to post again to help me.  Its just these last few days have been tougher than the ones before.  I have a hard time with meetings, i go and i cant be at them, so i leave.  I know there is no one time, thats what i keep telling myself, ive had those one times before.  I guess i just have to keep being strong, i just hope i move on...i feel like the only thing to help me today is to drink or smoke, im sure that wont help either...this is the process in getting sober, im gonna have to go through with it.  

Do the thoughts and mental peer pressure go away eventually?

[snowflake620]

please don't give in to the devil hang in ther and be tough,keep posting and we will do all we can to pull you through,can you get to any meetings or call a friend?
snowflake

[CR_ST_NA]

i've always experienced the same thing around 30, 60, 90 days etc. for me it's like every 30 days or so i just want to binge. there is a saying in NA that rings all to true for us addicts, "1 IS TOO MANY AND 1000 IS NEVER ENOUGH" and as i'm sure you already know the more times you relapse the harder it gets. most of us know it never ends with just 1 or even 3 or 5. hang in there, the best medicine is talking about it and posting. can you get to a meeting? christina

[dominosarah]

I agree with gizzy......you could be experiencing PAWS.  Dont give in to the devils urges.  You have come along way and are doing so good.  Keep posting here as that will really help.  Congrats on 53 days!!!  Keep it going.........stay strong       sara

[gizzy32]

Your already helping yourself by posting. You have recognized those old thought patterns and this is when you need all the support you can get. Have you ever attended N/A meetings? You know you can't use just once and we have all made that mistake, but it's a costly one. Addiction is so sneaky and we can NEVER let our guard down. It is possible you could be having PAWS, i suggest looking in the health pages and reading up on them, i relapsed during a horrible bout of PAWS.  Congrats on those 53 days, using is on longer an option. Stay strong bud.