Aa
Might relapse
Well so far I'm 37 days free from tramadol and 35 days free from vicodin. I've had urges and cravings but I feel like today might be the day I cave in. I'm so tempted to call the doctors and make an appointment. It doesn't help that my pain has been flaring up but mabe I'm making it worse than it seems.
I've made some progress but as much as I go over all the negatives of going to the doctor today it still seems like a good idea to me. I feel like my family doesn't care if I relapse or not and I feel like I haven't made any progress in my life cause I'm just unhappy most of the time. Do I need more time? Alot of ppl here have already taken time to help me and encourage me and I appreciate that. Is it possible I can take the medication as prescribed or am I setting myself up for failure?
I've made some progress but as much as I go over all the negatives of going to the doctor today it still seems like a good idea to me. I feel like my family doesn't care if I relapse or not and I feel like I haven't made any progress in my life cause I'm just unhappy most of the time. Do I need more time? Alot of ppl here have already taken time to help me and encourage me and I appreciate that. Is it possible I can take the medication as prescribed or am I setting myself up for failure?
Best Answer
Hey Troy, MI! SCS here. I can identify with you. I can't use anymore because it's a bottomless pit that goes nowhere but deeper and deeper. And I don't want to use anymore, but I don't want to feel unhappy about it. My wife drinks a bit, has mild pain killers in her purse, and probably wouldn't care if I used or not; but she supports me. These problems we have are pretty common. But you/we don't have to deal with them alone. I go to NA and AA for the exact reason you stated in your post above.
You've just been thru hell my friend. You got lot's of suggestions above, like "skin-on" aftercare. And "can't do this alone". I know I can't do it alone. When I go to meetings, I'm committing to stay clean with a bunch of other ppl who are doing the same. I also have steps I can work on to "pass the time" being clean. It's amazing how it works. And I have Degenerative Disk Disease. The NA program in particular has info on ppl like you and I who live in pain every hour of the day. One of my groups I love to go to is in Ferndale. Tons of meetings in Troy, RO, Bloomfield...
I'm not trying to sell you something here, I'm simply passing along a serious message to you that you have other options that honestly work, besides starting back up. There's a reason you stopped, same reason we all stopped here; using quit working for us and it made our lives unmanageable and for me, completely miserable.
Message me if you want to communicate. We live close!
You've just been thru hell my friend. You got lot's of suggestions above, like "skin-on" aftercare. And "can't do this alone". I know I can't do it alone. When I go to meetings, I'm committing to stay clean with a bunch of other ppl who are doing the same. I also have steps I can work on to "pass the time" being clean. It's amazing how it works. And I have Degenerative Disk Disease. The NA program in particular has info on ppl like you and I who live in pain every hour of the day. One of my groups I love to go to is in Ferndale. Tons of meetings in Troy, RO, Bloomfield...
I'm not trying to sell you something here, I'm simply passing along a serious message to you that you have other options that honestly work, besides starting back up. There's a reason you stopped, same reason we all stopped here; using quit working for us and it made our lives unmanageable and for me, completely miserable.
Message me if you want to communicate. We live close!
It took me a solid 6 months to realize the value of life. You've tried it your way, try something new. I won't lie and say life is easy, but life can be worth it. You know what I mean? There's so much more than living in a fantasy. Genuine happiness does exist, keep fighting for it. You have so much to live for.
Stay strong! I know you can!! Think of where you came from and now today you're clean!! You can do it!!
Wow, Im in awe that youve made it so long. Im so far off from that...you inspire me to keep going. Relapse starts with thoughts before the action- can you do something else that takes up your thoughts? I cant be much support as Im such a newbie at trying to stop, but please hang in there! I need to know that it will be better on the other side of using! And please share how you get through these hard times!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Using is NOT an option. Instead of putting so much thought into using change up your thinking and be pro active on how to stay clean. Your brain is playing games with you right now. Get yourself busy, look around at all you have to be grateful for. You are doing great so keep it going!
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Addiction-Substance-Abuse/Feeling-discouraged/show/1867365#post_8670174
I was going to suggest what someone else above did. Go back and read the above thread you had going the end of Dec. You worked thru A LOT during that time; took some pills, then flushed, then went to a meeting, you talked about A LOT of things that might help you to re-read today plus a lot of people shared INVALUABLE things w/you......It may just help you today, right this minute to re-set your head and heart and give you the determination you need to NOT call the dr.
As I was reading your post "feeling discouraged", you said what has always caused you to relapse in the past was "I took drugs out of the picture but I didn't change" You talked about "doing it by yourself". About "considering" doing 90 meetings in 90 days. About how the NA mtg you went to wasn't a good "fit" for you. Teresa gave you some excellent advise about going to AA instead and about trying more than one mtg. There are TONS of options for you and I'm thinking from re-reading your journey that you really DO know what you need to do, but just haven't put it into action.....consistently...yet. When I was in trmt wayyyy back when (before opiates), my counselor said, "Connie, you KNOW all the right things to do.....your problem is ACTION". Maybe you can relate to that, I don't know. Doesn't really do us any good to "know" something if we don't follow thru and carry out what we know.......ya know? LOL
You talk about being a recluse, being alone, trying to do this alone, etc.
It WON"T work alone.......you need "skin-on" support. Others that are also trying to live a life w/o drugs or alcohol and no longer want their addiction to be the master of their souls. We learn from each other.....we help each other.....we relate to each other.....we NEED each other.
I really hope you'll re-read your threads, especially all that was going on Dec 29th with you....not even a full month ago.....please do this for YOU!
Rootin for ya......and you are NEVER alone......we're all here for you~
I was going to suggest what someone else above did. Go back and read the above thread you had going the end of Dec. You worked thru A LOT during that time; took some pills, then flushed, then went to a meeting, you talked about A LOT of things that might help you to re-read today plus a lot of people shared INVALUABLE things w/you......It may just help you today, right this minute to re-set your head and heart and give you the determination you need to NOT call the dr.
As I was reading your post "feeling discouraged", you said what has always caused you to relapse in the past was "I took drugs out of the picture but I didn't change" You talked about "doing it by yourself". About "considering" doing 90 meetings in 90 days. About how the NA mtg you went to wasn't a good "fit" for you. Teresa gave you some excellent advise about going to AA instead and about trying more than one mtg. There are TONS of options for you and I'm thinking from re-reading your journey that you really DO know what you need to do, but just haven't put it into action.....consistently...yet. When I was in trmt wayyyy back when (before opiates), my counselor said, "Connie, you KNOW all the right things to do.....your problem is ACTION". Maybe you can relate to that, I don't know. Doesn't really do us any good to "know" something if we don't follow thru and carry out what we know.......ya know? LOL
You talk about being a recluse, being alone, trying to do this alone, etc.
It WON"T work alone.......you need "skin-on" support. Others that are also trying to live a life w/o drugs or alcohol and no longer want their addiction to be the master of their souls. We learn from each other.....we help each other.....we relate to each other.....we NEED each other.
I really hope you'll re-read your threads, especially all that was going on Dec 29th with you....not even a full month ago.....please do this for YOU!
Rootin for ya......and you are NEVER alone......we're all here for you~
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Seriously, it will get better and better every day. I still have some energy and other minor issues, but I used for a long, long time (like 15 years, at a high volume). Even my bad days now are better than the good ones stoned out on pills; paranoid, broke and humiliated & living in a fog. HANG IN THERE - keep posting Good luck!