http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Addiction-Substance-Abuse/Feeling-discouraged/show/1867365#post_8670174
I was going to suggest what someone else above did. Go back and read the above thread you had going the end of Dec. You worked thru A LOT during that time; took some pills, then flushed, then went to a meeting, you talked about A LOT of things that might help you to re-read today plus a lot of people shared INVALUABLE things w/you......It may just help you today, right this minute to re-set your head and heart and give you the determination you need to NOT call the dr.
As I was reading your post "feeling discouraged", you said what has always caused you to relapse in the past was "I took drugs out of the picture but I didn't change" You talked about "doing it by yourself". About "considering" doing 90 meetings in 90 days. About how the NA mtg you went to wasn't a good "fit" for you. Teresa gave you some excellent advise about going to AA instead and about trying more than one mtg. There are TONS of options for you and I'm thinking from re-reading your journey that you really DO know what you need to do, but just haven't put it into action.....consistently...yet. When I was in trmt wayyyy back when (before opiates), my counselor said, "Connie, you KNOW all the right things to do.....your problem is ACTION". Maybe you can relate to that, I don't know. Doesn't really do us any good to "know" something if we don't follow thru and carry out what we know.......ya know? LOL
You talk about being a recluse, being alone, trying to do this alone, etc.
It WON"T work alone.......you need "skin-on" support. Others that are also trying to live a life w/o drugs or alcohol and no longer want their addiction to be the master of their souls. We learn from each other.....we help each other.....we relate to each other.....we NEED each other.
I really hope you'll re-read your threads, especially all that was going on Dec 29th with you....not even a full month ago.....please do this for YOU!
Rootin for ya......and you are NEVER alone......we're all here for you~
Seriously, it will get better and better every day. I still have some energy and other minor issues, but I used for a long, long time (like 15 years, at a high volume). Even my bad days now are better than the good ones stoned out on pills; paranoid, broke and humiliated & living in a fog. HANG IN THERE - keep posting Good luck!