My Daughter is in Rehab for Oxy Detox

[btu]

My daughter went to inpatient rehab for detox w/suboxone taper which i'm told will take 8-12 days (she has had quite an easy time of it to this point - 4 days in).  we have agreed to send her there for detox only - not the full 30 day program.  We expect she will participate in outpatient group in our city as well as individual counseling once she gets out.  She is having a blast with like-minded people, talking about similar issues in group and enjoying the activities.  She is pushing for the 30 day stay - is this necessary for her recovery?

[Jaybay]

WOW!  I am so happy for you and your daughter!  I know what you mean about the shock of reconnecting with your loved one for the first time in what seems like forever.  No more glazed eyes, short temper, lack of motivation - in short, looking like a ghost of their former selves.  What a joyous time to celebrate!

On the employment business, try not to push that too hard too soon.  She's going to need some time to get her brains unscrambled first, and that can take longer than you might think.  If she jumps right in trying to be that "productive member of society" too soon, the stress and anxiety just might trigger a relapse.  Aftercare is all about learning to cope with stress, anxiety, disappointment and even joy without grabbing a pill or a drink or a needle.

Your baby girl is on her way.  We all pray that she will have a smooth road to recovery.  She's a very lucky girl to have you so firmly on her side.  Give yourself a hug for being a great mom!  :-)

[j34]

That is great!! for me personallly I did the 12 steps which cleaned out all of my baggage and emotional stuff and I have found a new way to live. Am headin out the door for work it is 6 am here in BC....yuck lol, yes the power of pray is awesome ,And of course being cautious is being safe,that is our rights as human beings...pls dont feel guilt for that. I hope you and your family have a joyful, grateful,peaceful day today,blessings j 34 hugs

[btu]

It was so nice to open my email to find a posting from you - and a very wise one at that!  I say that because I recognize in our situation a very similar one.  I am trying to remain supportive while not actively pushing her one way or the other.  I think I believe that this is her "battle" to fight directly and no suggestion from me will be pursued if it's not in her desire.  She went to her first outpatient group therapy meeting Monday - they are on a MWF 3 hrs each evening schedule.  To this point I'm unaware that she's attended an NA or AA meeting but maybe attending those will come.  The "high" of the inpatient group thing wears off quickly - obviously my concern is her will will too - but it's not in my power to twart whatever she ultimately chooses - I just pray...andpray and pray.  She will have her first physchiatrist meeting on the 22nd to begin the long process of peeling back the onion..as they say.  Hopefully some of the deeper issues will begin to emerge.  What I would really hope to see in short order is her self motivation and drive to begin to participate in life - get a job, exercise, find fulfillment and productivity in moving forward and invovlement.  To this point, about all she's managed is hanging with her boyfriend (he doesn't do drug anad was shocked at the revelation she did) - good person but putting all her eggs in one basket won't help her move forward.  Again, her life isn't my life to live and she will do it her way.  So at this point I am hopeful but cautious.  Thank you for popping in to check on us!  The very best to you J34.

[j34]

Thank you for sharing this journey with me ,I feel very honored!! Recovery is a great gift to all involved. yes the mood swings for her are very rough at first ,breath in and breath out.....   Iknow I needed to understand that all the receptors in my brain were trying to refire and I had developed a  bad habit in my brain so I needed to to re wire my brain to new habits,ie meetings ,new ppl, reading the literature of recovery, praying, disapline etc all sorts of stuff !! the most important thing was not doing it alone 'i need other ppl who are recovering from this disease as well, I know you want the best for your daughter but she has to do a certain amount on her own as well. This is what i found for me my family smothered me they wanted me clean so bad I kept relapsign and relapsing untill finally they said ENOUGH !! and then I had to get myself to my meetings, drs etc on my own and boy did my self esteem grow and I foudn my self grateful that I was becoming a productive member of society ,I hope this helps and I hope she will come here and share her story with us  blessigns j34

[btu]

Went to see her Wed - at least I think it was her - because what met me was the most stunning ray of light – maybe a light I’d never seen from her before even – brilliant and bright but also kinda soft and gentle – it was one of the most beautiful things I’d ever seen.  Then, amazing to me, was what came out of her mouth – sane, rational, thoughful, intelligent - quite frankly, it is almost impossible to reconcil the person I dropped of last Monday with the one I spent the day.  

It was her first full day without the Saboxone "taper" - she was doing pretty well while I was there but started to get a little uncomfortable later and just went to sleep.  Since then, she seems to be feeling a bit better although yesterday she was a bit down but really couldn't discern why.  My husband and I are going there after he gets off work today - she's scheduled to be released on Fri but I'm going to check with her to see if she can/wants to stay until Monday to avoid the idle weekend.  We've got everything lined up with their outpatient facility that is local and am trying to find a person that she can work with on an individual basis for counseling and meds for depression....and then of course it's the 90 meetings in 90 days deal.

Yes, you are right, I am very hopeful that this will be her re-birth - only this time she's the one that has to go through the pregnancy and labor issues!

I've thought I might see if she wants to pick up this tread when she gets back - or start another one - the feedback I've received from you and others has been invaluable and, honestly, it's been a great dumping ground for me - allowing me to express and vent and purge - it's been very cleansing for me.

[j34]

I am so moved by your post I notice an incredible difference in your posting !! I sence HOPE ,and that is where it all started for me!,I am so happy for you and your family,like i have said before the hard times are hard but boy the good times are GOOD, blessings j34

[IBKleen]

I am so happy to hear you visited with your daughter. You are correct, this is a life long process. I have provided the link to Al-anon meetings below for you:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

In the event they do not provide her with a schedule, here is the NA meeting locator for her:

http://portaltools.na.org/portaltools/MeetingLoc/

I wish you the best. Please keep us updated.

[btu]

Kindness - that's what I've taken away from your post - thank you.  I was very excited to see my daughter yesterday.  She has come to full acceptance that she will be there through the detox - probably until end of the week and is discovering ways that she will pursue recovery programs when she returns.  There was a distinct sense that she is coming to realization of the non-clinical issues that pull her to use drugs - enormous baby step.  I too have come to a realization that this is a very long - life long - process that doesn't heal with 15 days or 30 days in a program - and while clearly it's all on her, we can be a good influence.  I will seek out an Alanon program and begin to explore my participation and work dilligently to keep communication open.

Thank you J34, IBKleen and all that have offered so much during this "crisis" period.  I pray each of us accepts the strength God waits to give us.  

[j34]

You are a great person you know ,to think of others when you are going through a very emotional time,is nice to see!!,as an addict the core of my disease is self centeredness and fear ,I have to put that kind of behaviours into practice and learn from hard experiences ,or from others who share themselves so freely with me. Just a little info addictive personallity so maybe this will help as you go out there today..Have a great day and remember it is only 24 hrs.....blessings j34

[btu]

A painfully (no pun intended - honestly) lovely and personal story - thank you.  tomorrow I'm off for a visit and will attempt to open the door to allow her to express - i think you are right - this is a good setting to begin.

Good night to all and thank you for the guidence.

[btu]

Oh how our heart breaks, even if only for a moment, when something we ache for and is right in our sights get diverted.  I am sorry you were not able to connect with your son today.  You've conquered a bigger demon than disappointment - you will handle this with grace I certain.  In 24 hours my prayers now include those i don't even know.  

[janet19]

I think the other have stated about everything there is to know. I am an addict with 5 months clean. I started my addiction after some severe pain in my back would not go away. My doctor prescribed Vicodin and the relief of pain was amazing. I then saw no reason for me to suffer the pain when it was so easy to rid of for a few hr. Well those few hrs grew to shorter periods and I found that popping a pill still took it away but eventually the pills only lasted for shorter periods of time. The more I used the worse it got and then one day I decided that I needed to find another way to deal with the pain. Well that day came to late, when I tried to quit I would feel like hell and the only way to make that hell go away was another pill. The cycle continued and continued and not until a close overdose did I get the idea that I had to get off this stuff this was killing me. I did manage to make it through detox and let me tell you it sure isn't a ball game. I struggled through some tough times and now at the age of 51 I am clean. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. As much as I wanted and knew it was wrong, the pills had their hold on me. I started using from legit pain and ended up 8yrs later a full blown addict who is 51. I had absolutely no control in those 8yrs. Sometimes it comes down to just that pills take control. I almost ruined my marriage, and caused problem in my own little family circle. I felt terrible for all the things that I was doing but then again it boils down too, the pills. They had the control not the person. Maybe you should try sitting down and talking with your daughter while she is in detox. I would think she could explain some of her reasons for addiction easier in the atmosphere she is in. She is into the truths of addiction it seems at this point and she is in a safe place. She might just be more open to talk and feel more comfortable at this point of her recovery. Just my opinion but have found that when I was getting clean, it felt the right time to open up to the people I loved. I sat down one day and told my husband and son that I felt like I was living my life in my own little personal hell. After that it became easier to talk to them. Things and concerns flowed easier. To get some of the truths out is a relief and that made my recovery go into a better more positive flow. I wish you luck with your daughter and pray for her recovery. I think staying the full length in the program would be best. She is comfortable with where she is now and that could make a big difference in what she is trying to overcome. Putting her back into an outpatient program now might not work as well as she will start over to gain the trust of others.

[j34]

You are inspiring for sure !! A mother and a woman who is seeking anwers ,that is working in the solution,alas my son might not come now,but today as a part of recovery,I dont take it personal and I live my life to the best of my ability,with the God of my understanding holding me when I can not stand ..I really mean it ,you have given more of a boost of moral not to let go and keep on trying ,a mothers love is unconditionally and this is what I see in you ...blessings j34

[btu]

You've hit the nail on the head in terms of my sense of her motivation to stay!  I have stressed to her that she is not there to make friends - she's there to fight her own battle.

I can't imagine anything potentially more destructive than creating a new circle of friends where everyone is freshly "minted" into the new world because many will falter and fall back and regroup.  I've advised her to seek people that are well into the recovery process, who are convicted and strong  (obviously they too may stumble but the odds are probably less than a newly recovered) and people that are not drug users/abusers - I know they're out there, she just typically doesn't choose to be friends with them because they don't have the battle scars nor feed her destructive tendencies.

I am so sorry your sister suffered this outcome - just your posting tells me it tore your heart out.

[Ballgame]

My sister in law went to rehab and would surrounded with like minded people. Her problem was not all them serious about recovery. She cut ties with all her friends once she went to rehab and then made friends at rehab.  She got out and started hanging with them. Within 2 weeks he was using and it got bad.  So just a warning since it sounds like she wants to stay for social reasons and not for her

[btu]

to all of you that have shared your thoughts and unique experience - thank you - truly thank you.  With all this contribution and information, I'm wouldn't say I'm more confused but I would say there is a depth beyond the surface of the many facets of addiction.  I'm hoping I'll adapt to this new "normal" - more importantly I'm hoping she will.  

J34 - what a glorious day today is for you - and long time coming I'm sure.  Congratulations of the wholeness of your family.

IBKleen - you've offered so much - thank you.  My intent in descibing the patient intake was that the patients at her rehab are there voluntarily to regain control of their lives rather than a mixture that includes those that are merely doing their time to meet some mandate or requirement.  It certainly isn't among the "best" in the state and most certainly not the nation - but I'm not to sure what criteria deems a facility "best" anyway.   And your concern regarding the co-ed situation - ooooh, I couldn't agree more but my attempts to locate a women only facility on short order fell flat - apparently "beds" are hard to come by.  So I discussed my concern with her on the drive up.  Of course all the imparting of "wisdom" typically  does little to move her if she choses to go the other way.  And finally - I found God to be the true healer and provider in all things - your prayers for us are a generous gift and, with confidence, i know they are heard.

[IBKleen]

And while I was typing, apparently very slowly, you guys joined in. You are all amazing!!

[IBKleen]

Jaybay is a wise woman and had some wonderful words for you.

I come from a different direction and hopefully you can get something from many members here.

I wanted to address something you said in an earlier on this thread. You made it a point to state that she was not in a medicare facility or court ordered. I don't know what you meant by that since it is difficult to decipher the written word on the internet, but I will share my experience with you. I was in treatment once in the #1 facility in the country, once in the #2 facility in the country and once in the #1 facility in the state. Each was privately funded by my insurance carrier and I relapsed all 3 times. The disease of addiction crosses all boundaries or race, religion, class and geography. It will take the real estate mogul living in Trump Tower in NYC down as fast as it will the homeless man living on the streets of East LA.

What I am trying to get to is your daughter needs to learn that she has a disease..one that will kill her faster than heart disease or cancer. There is no cure, only remission. In order to keep her disease in remission she needs to change her behavior and her thinking.

It scares the heck out of me to think that she is in an "adult co-ed" facility hanging with "like minded" people who are sharing "war stories". It sounds like a stop over.

It is only my opinion but she is having way too much fun with these folks and enjoying the activities. Volleyball was it? I am not saying that she needs to be locked in a cell but I do believe she needs a more structured environment. She is young, I assume healthy and like most, probably has a healthy sexual appetite. That is one of the first things to return btw and a co-ed situation will fuel that.

I prayed for you all last night and I will continue to keep her, your family, in my prayers.

I truly wish her the best. Keep us informed.

P.S. Just quickly, addicts do not have right & wrong barometers, that is part of the disease. I wish it were that simple. Our "feel good" receptors (to keep this simple) are off balance and thus the need to self-medicate. That was a very simple response to a complex question.

[btu]

I am amazed at your grasp of the full scope of what I'm trying to get a handle on.  What a remarkably astute assessment, framed in a very rational way - maybe even one my process-oriented mind can comprehend - I'm going to marinate on what you've articulated and try to reconcil it with my simple way of summarizing a very obtuse issue - this addiction stuff.

Your husband has been blessed with a women who has educated herself and come to grips with the reality - you too are most certainly blessed as I have a sense that you wouldn't be so invested if he wasn't a wonderful man.

Thank you for extending that compassion.

[dominosarah]

You bring tears to my eyes girl.....You are one classy lady!!        sara

[j34]

Personally i quit trying to decipher addiction and followed those before me who are now living healthy clean and serene lives.I found out the problem... ME and then I began my daily fix for my very cunning ,baffling and power disease ,aa and na ,and the 12 steps to freedom. My family had to do the same it was like me THEY had to admit their part,ie enabling,not letting me grow up,holding me to blame for thier feelings and they got the help they needed and as a result dealt with some other issues that came up for them as well. Today as I type I am going to met my Mom to give her support at the dr and then we are going to have a family dinner with my son who I left on a door step 14 yrs ago and we are going to have the first family dinner together in 19 yrs ,My eyes fill with tears of gratitue for the gift I have been given,as well as my family many blessing..I can say one more thing the Hard times are hard,but damn the good times are good ,this took 2 and half yrs of hard work on both sides and there is still more to come but my family and I are willing to do our own parts seperately so who can come together as a whole unit

[dominosarah]

Your doing just fine girl!!  Thank you for helping out this mom.  We know what a train wreck we are and what we do to the families but it always helps to hear from a family member who has lived it.  The whole family is affected by our addiction and you people get the brunt end of it.  

I do wonder why she is having a good time.  My stint in treatment years ago was not fun at all.....

[Jaybay]

It doesn't seem right that your daughter is having so much fun in rehab, does it?   They're supposed to be doing penance while flailing themselves for all the evils they've done to themselves and others.  Rehab isn't prison, and addiction isn't a crime.  The associated behavior can be criminal, but addiction itself is not.  I imagine it feels like a nice big poke in the eye with a sharp stick to see your daughter having the time of her life.  Maybe she's playing the manipulation and drama queen game.  Maybe she really feels so comfortable in that closed environment that she can relax and enjoy life for the first time without turning to drugs.  Who knows?  That would be a great issue to work through with a family therapist.  If you don't like what you see with this facility, check out a different one or give her a try with outpatient therapy.  There isn't any one-size-fits-all answer to this problem.  I'd be pretty POd myself in your shoes.  It's human.

Environment plays an important part in addiction.  The reason in-patient rehab is recommended is not only for more intense psychological work, but to remove the patient from the places and people that trigger cravings.  It's the old Pavlov's dog response.  Say your daughter like to use her drug of choice at a friend's house.  If she continues to spend time at that house and with that person, her brain will say, "It's time to use!"  Relapse.  If she used in your family home, going home may trigger overwhelming cravings and eventual relapse.  The idea is to get the patient out of her typical environment long enough to get clean and set on the path of mental recovery.  Learning how to deal with cravings and triggers should be a big part of therapy.

I think you're trying to look at addiction from a logical point of view.  The two are pretty much mutually exclusive.  LOL!  You're looking at drug use as a logical, informed choice.  Yes, that's true the first time or two.  Some people take that first dose and immediately fall in love with the euphoria it produces, and never look back.  Physical addiction is only a symptom of the disease.  

In my husband's case, he was introduced to opiates in 7th grade by his abuser and friends in school.  After a couple weeks, he found out what withdrawal (aka 'dope sick') was all about.  Withdrawal is so horrible that you'll do anything to turn it off, and the only thing that will turn it off is the hair of the dog that bit you.  Sure, they know their lives and health are at stake, but the immediate sickness is far more frightening and demanding.  Being healthy is no longer a priority.  Staying medicated to either get high or avoid being dope sick is the only thing that matters.  By then, the drug and addiction are firmly in control.  Not many people can self-detox at that point.

I have a few family members and friends who over eat and are now in medical trouble.  Two are morbidly obese and several have type II diabetes.  They are fully aware that they are killing their bodies with food, but can't stop their behavior.  Our societal reaction to someone with diabetes is sympathy.  Our reaction to an addict is disgust.  We see their behavior as a sign of lack of willpower and a character flaw.  

The truth is that addiction is more like uncontrolled type II diabetes.  Those patients who refuse to make diet and lifestyle changes are just as addicted to food and eating as an addict is addicted to her drug of choice.  The difference is that the foodie is only harming herself.  She doesn't have to lie, cheat or steal to support her eating habit.  She also doesn't get physically ill from abstaining from food.  The mental process is the same whether the addiction is to mind-altering substances or to food.  Both are used to soothe mental pain.

I need to get myself out the door for the rest of the day, but I'll check back in this evening.  Hopefully the other members here will chime in.  I've probably made a hash of the whole "Addiction and Your Brain" thing, so they'll correct me if I've steered you wrong.  :-)

[btu]

Your experience and what you've taken from it was so beautifully expressed - thank you for taking so much much time to address a stanger's question and I loved your analogy to the waterslide!

So if I understand this, there are some that are predispposed to compulsive, repetitive and destructive behavior - aka addiction.  Without the armory of knowledge, I have one observation/conflicting view on this - when a person discovers, say a week into the need to have a substance or action to make it through the day, why don't they immediately address it - the frequently heard story is "I always thought I could control it".

in othter words, a healthy (thrown down word but for the lack of a better one) person would not say, drinking, drugs, sex everyday in excess is okay - their "right" and "wrong" barometer kicks in.  To me it seems as if there is an underlying issue that feeds the need to acheive numbness.  If one has something they know isn't right about their health, don't they go to a doctor on that discovery rather than allow it to grow and fester?

I think I'm saying that I feel addictive behavior is a response to something external or internal - mental demons maybe - and a way to replace an ugly in their lives with something.  I do subscribe to the belief that a chemical reaction (clinical) does take place but that a person with a healthy mental state would immedately recognize and address it rather than ignore it.

Surprisingly, I don't at all feel like I/we're are responsible for her current situation or it's outcome.  We each chose our responses and actions.

Your comment regarding coping skills - thank you for enforcing the need to develop those.  Can that be done effectively on an outpatient basis in your opinion?  I am expecting hers would include group therapy, individual counseling and daily NA meetings.

I can't stress enough that she is having the time of her life there - an immediate circle of friends, the opportunity to "tell her story"....the way she choses to see it .. to a rapt audience that does not judge her, as well as volleyball, social activities and alot of sitting around smoking and rehashing their "drug of choice" and how it was administered stories.  Quite frankly, I question how being in that "bubble" fosteres coping for the "real world".