My Story and How to stay away from pills when they are everywhere?

[Rainwoman]

Hi.  I joined this forum three days ago but have been scared to post until now.  But, I'm finally going for it. . . My story  is this.  About five years ago, I started taking hydrocodone sporadically for recreational purposes.  I worked as a server in a restaurant in my city.  Anyone familiar with the restaurant business knows that it is notorious for drug use.  In my restaurant, most of the employees were in their twenties, struggling to make it through college, as I was.  Most of us would work anywhere from 40 to 60 hours a week and still go to school.  My life came to revolve around the place. . . I made friends and had several relationships with guys in the business.  We were carefree.  I had been working at the place for three years before I was introduced to pills.  During those first yearrs, I would go out with everyone after our long shifts and have a few drinks. . . maybe smoke some weed.  I knew that some of my co-workers had serious drug problems, but I was very naive, and at the time did not realize that people really abused prescription pain pills. I remember taking my first one.  Someone offered it too me after they heard me complain about some back pain.  I took it, and absolutely loved it. After that, I found that pills were everywhere!!!  Everyone knew someone who could get them.  I started taking pills after my shifts, and then during my shifts just to get thru.  I still didn't use them every day, and I never took more than 2 a day.  But that was bad enough.  I felt horribly guilty.
In the fall of 07, I had finally graduated from college and had a new job lined up.  I was excited and i decided that I would start fresh. . . not use pills.  I had minor w/d's, but managed to get thru my training and rarely crave pills, although I found myself missing them from time to time.  I managed to stay off pills for 6 monthes.  I was happy!
Then in the summer of 2008, I was diagnosed with stage 3 malignant melanoma (skin cancer at its deadliest form).  I found myself facing a major surgery, 3 minor surgeries, and a YEAR of debilitating chemotherapy.  I had to quit my job and go on disability.  I had to stay with my folks for awhile.  My boyf. couldn't handle it and left shortly after the diagnoses.  I was depressed.  
I was of course prescribed percocet after the surgeries.  As well as antidepressants.  The pain pills took away most of the physical pain, and helped more with the mental pain than any antidepressant.  I kept taking the pills weeks after my surgery.  My docs kept supplying them.  
I started the chemo and had a terrible time for the first month.  I was so sick.  At one point I had some sort of allergic reaction to one of the many drugs inside me.  Spent three days in the hospital.  The docs took me off the pills, because they thought that was what caused the reaction ( i have never heard of anyone having allergic reactions to percocets or hydrocodone, but It is possible, i was told. However, the docs found out later that the allergic reactions were from some of my chemo drugs, because, later,  I had two more episodes when I had no hydrocodone in my system.  I had to start taking heavy doses of prednisone and some benadryl to combat these.)  When I got out of the hospital, I stayed off the pills for three monthes. . . . I can't really say whether or not I felt better because of the chemo.  
I finished the chemo almost exactly a year ago.  I have been taking two 10 m/g hydrocodone pills a day since then.  Sometimes I would run out and go for several days and not feel any major w/d's, just bad cravings.  I keep getting the pills from people I know from back in the day at the rest., some of them are my very good friends who didn't leave my side during my treatment.  
I am cancer free now, although most stage 3 melanoma patients are expected to relapse within two years of treatment, and I have a part time job.  I am on antideppresants.   I haven't taken any pills for a week now.  I weaned myself down from two a day, to one . . . and again no major w/d's.  I am doing okay .  . . my close friends know, but most of them take pills.  A couple of them are up to 20 a day.  I haven't been in contact with them, but it is lonely, and I don't know how to stay away from them. I had my first real relationship since the last boyfriend left, but that ended abrubtly and I am depressed.   Does anyone have any advice?  Pills are everywhere and I know if I am around these people, I will be so tempted to take one.

[ang_811]

So I totally understand the restauruant business as I'm a server at restauraunt n my city. I share the same story as u with working n the restauraunt business. It's defintly hard and I started using for the same reasons u did and b4 I knew it I was hooked.  I honestly think it's the reason I've relapsed a couple times within the past month.
Just keep telling urself u r not that person nemore and u deserve better! If u get a craving just know it will eventually go away. That's what I'm learning. It's all about positive thinking.
Keep strong u have been thru alot but u made it out for a reason.

[laurel453]

Hi welcome to the forum :)

You are a woman of strength and you have gone through a lot of painful experiences so i gonna ask you to be strong enough now not to reject aftercare... you are asking how to stay away when you are surrounded by pills and i can only think of learning the tools to do it, being surrounded by a support system you can call any time and going to the roots of your personal problems and addictive behaviour... we have all "self medicated" our personal problems with some substance and we didn't know how we were hurting us on the long run..... Aftercare, Rainwoman..... NA meetings, therapy ( Cognitive Behavioural Therapy ), addiction counseling...what do you think ? :)  and of course, stay here :)