My story! Part 1

[theWholeTruth]

So it all started in 2006 with a back and neck injury.  The doctor prescribed me 120 Norco 10/325's.  That lasted about two years.  I didn't ask him to bump me up but he did so, I was taking 90 oxycodone 40's for a few months.  I moved to Florida at the end of 2007 and found a doctor, brought my records, etc.  Within a year he had me on 120 OC 80's and 240 oxycodone 30 msg.  Life was good, right?  The first couple years I never abused the meds, as far as following doctors orders went.  That first year in Florida I had it all under control, or so I thought.  Honestly, I loved that feeling, you all know what I mean, the one where you like your whole body is covered in the most comfortable blankets and the euphoria was amazing--until it's not!  I wish I could point to a day but it's just not possible.  The year was 2010 and My gf and I broke up because I can't two loves, right?  The sad part is she never knew what I was taking, all she knew was I wanted nothing to with her.  I was an ******* who just cared about numbing my pain, mostly emotional.  My career suffered tremendously.  

So here I am in 2010, single, a $2000 a month mortgage payment along with other bills.  Luckily I had over $100k saved up ( yep, you all know where this is heading ) and I was in complete denial.  Fast forward to the day my doctor got busted from he DEA for obvious reasons.  Did I mention that he was giving me adderall and soma as well?  Well, yeah.  For the record, I blame myself much more than I blame him (now).  So it's 2012 and I am tired of looking for another doctor (maybe deep down I knew) things were getting much tougher in Florida.  So I said screw the house and abandoned it, moved back to my hometown in the northeast.  I went back to my old Dr. and he had me on 150 oxycodone 30mg per month and that was fine because my tolerance was lower.  Fast forward a year and a half or so to September 2013 and I went to my Dr. Appointment and he gave me a drug test to make sure I was taking my drugs properly.  Needless to say, I was taking my pills the first 15 days or so which mean I was scrambling.  I found some pills but the last 48 hours all I took was a suboxone.  I got a letter in October 2013 stating I was being dropped as a patient and to not enter the premises.  I wrote a letter and explained I was a couple days late getting to him so the drug may have been out of my system.  I heard nothing back.  So I would buy subs from a couple people I knew.  I was probably taking 36-44mg of suboxone a day, and that is a LOT.  My friend once asked for my urine so he could pass a test because he thought it was just for opiated and they said his urine had enough suboxone in it to kill a horse.  It may sound funny but that was a wake up call for me.

2014 is here, I try and stop taking suboxone, wean down but just can't get below 8mg a day.  Believe or not I still had about $45k left.  Looking back, I'm shocked as well.  So how does one go from quitting subs to clean, heroin right?  I hadn't sniffed anything since college, as I took my pills orally.  So my friend was a huge heroin addict and he got me a few bags for me to put in my coffee.  Wow, I felt pretty damn good, I was shocked.  Heroin isn't that bad, right?  Wrong.  If I would of used to get off the subs it would of been good but instead I got 10 bags, put 2 in a coffee, then put 3 in the next coffee, then three in the next.  The next day I only have two bags left and if I put it in my coffee I'm not gonna feel anything because of the bioavailability being only about 40% absorbable.  So I snort the last two bags and WOW, it was like my first oxycodone 30mg only better and cheaper (instead of buying the pills I was no longer prescribed).

[theWholeTruth]

Honestly, it was an option for me to go to a detox facility.  I could of went to rehab as well.  I promised myself that I'd try it on my own first.  I know the statistics and I also know myself.  I know that if most addicts don't relapse in the first couple weeks, they do after the first couple months because they think they have everything "under control."  I'm not saying I will never relapse, but I can tell you that I looked at my decision as a life or death one.  I have never been more inspired to use my addiction to help others.  I'm not in denial, as I mentioned, I KNOW the stats are not on my side.  The only thing I'm able to control is what I do today.  I have a good support system and I hope I continue down this new road and should I take a detour I have already promised myself that I will check myself into a facility.  So far so good!  Are you detoxing at home?

[underchilde]

I think..It might be time for an inpatient rehab for you. I am on the same boat, only no heroin just a LOT of oxycontin and Norco. Have you thought about going to a detox facility or rehab?