Need Guidance

[guitrldy]

Hello,
I have not posted for quite a while - this is
day 74 for me off pain meds.
Been going to meetings and have a sponsor.
My abusing meds is what got me here, but my abusive
behaviors (selfishness, using other people, childishness)
is my real problem.  I am so afraid of speaking at
meetings & afraid I am driving my sponsor away with
my needniness.  I could really use some advice/thoughts.

[jugglin]

Congrats on your 74 days...that is a great accomplishment and you should be proud of yourself.  I have had to try very hard and focus on being a better listener.  The art of listening is one that I may never achieve or master, but I find that as I am conscious of being better at it, I am being a better person all around.  Sending you prayers of encouragement your way!

[Amandag78]

Congratulations on 74 days !

[guitrldy]

Thanks meegWpaw....i know all you say is true.  And I am learning that if I need to speak, God will help me.  Bless you all!

[meegWpaw]

wow 74 days?  congratulations!   usually a sponsor will tell you that you are helping them each time you contact them / lean on them.  this should assuage some of your feelings about being needy.  I really don't think they would experience it as neediness, just as a justified call for help.  speaking at meetings is hard for me too, but I find when I do it is really rewarding.  sometimes you can tell someone sitting near you that you want to share ... and they will help you get called on!!!  or just encourage you.  good luck!

[guitrldy]

You are so right about the meetings.  I am working on trying to talk more, but I have isolated myself so much, talking to others is a new skill!  But listening is a great way to learn.  Someone said at a meeting:  just suit up and show up!  Thanks for your support and I hope to talk more with you too!

[guitrldy]

thanks for the reminder.  You are not the only one to point out I am being too hard on myself.  I did thankfully pick up the phone & call someone I thought I had slighted; she had no clue what I was talking about!  And so I finally am testing the waters.  Thanks again for your advice.

[motye51]

I hear ya loud and clear. I've been clean for 64 days and I'm still not comfortable sharing at.the meetings. Maybe this is how were supposed to be though, just listening to how other people have worked this program. I love going to these meetings cause I always hear something I can relate to. Keep going and that's what your sponsor is there for. To call when u want to use! Everyone keeps telling me to give myself a break, but we are our hardest critics! Just keep going, its gonna click!

[OxyTired]

Do not be so hard on yourself, we all have to work on ourselves in recovery. People in meetings understand that (most do or they should). Alot of my recovery work is on my "character defects" if you will. When we improve our lives in all aspects, physical, emotional, spiritual, then we have a way better chance of staying clean-thats my opinion anyway.
We are not perfect any of us by a long shot, look where we are at?!
Over the years my AA sponsors put up with a lot, and we both grew together. Before long you will be returning the favor to someone new.
So be proud of your new clean (imperfect) self!