I am beginning to believe my school success was because of the pills...

[JustNotStrongEnough]

Hello everyone, it has been awhile since I have posted.  I have been SO busy.  I am taking 16 credits this semester, and I also work a full time job.  Up until this semester, I have maintained a 4.0 GPA.  I quit the pills (percocet) on the second week of this semester, and I got incredibly lucky to have minimal W/D.  Now, I am really struggling to get all my school work done and this is a problem I did not have when I was taking the pills.  I have a C in one of my classes, 2 B's, and an A, (of course in my "easy" class).  This is simply unacceptable and my brain is beginning to play tricks on me (are they tricks though... I am not so sure!?)  I am beginning to believe that the reason I was so successful was because of the pills, and I seem to be unable to produce the same results while clean :(  

I have been attending NA meetings, and my sponsor told me that I have to stop putting so much pressure on myself, and accept that I am no longer "superwoman."  It's like everything she says is going in one ear and out the other!  I mean statistics are facts, and it is not looking too good this semester!  

Please, any advice would be appreciated.  I am really feeling like a failure these days!

[FassFeat]

I can just tell you from long experience that yes my production was great for awhile at a high caliber job in management with Hydro... but in the end it was also the detriment. It is not worth it long term. At the end, when I finally quit CT, my performance had fallen off slowly and gradually. The (hydro) that I thought had helped me achieve so much let me slowly fall back through the ranks and I was able to justify it to myself and to my family. After getting clean and sober, it is so clear to me that once the hydro got control (and it always will in the end) it brought me down. You are taking the right path, don't ever doubt it. Anyone that tells you differently is in denial. There are natural supplements that can sharpen your senses and give you energy. Think about it, are you saying that if you never took vicoden that you wouldnt have made those grades? If the answer is yes, then you have to put yourself in the same category as athletes that cannot compete without steroids... just an analogy. I do not think it applies with you. I think that you are an over achiever that wants your edge back. You can get it without compromising your health and long term future. Good luck and God Bless. Andrew

Congrats on your clean time and aftercare. I remember how you struggled with first meeting and tapering.

[Nad627]

Yea I feel ya. I think it's still a bit of a brain fog that causes us to lose motivation and concentration. I'm 36 days clean and waiting on that to get better.

[wantthissobad]

Hi JustNotStrongEnough,

I thought I was the only one out here who felt like that. I'm current;y trying to get of suboxone (horrible drug to come off by the way). I started taking vic's and that is when my world changed I landed and awesome job, which before that I was very poor and had a hard time landing a good job. It was the job that put me in a whole different world I was making awesome money was able to give my children so much more, bought my first home bought a new car. I did all of these while on vics. When I stopped taking Vics and started subs I lost my job (my boss said I wasn't producing like I use to). i have suffered server depression. When I stopped taking the subs last week for a days I was doing horriable (I'm currently in college) in classes and wasn't able to stay of the sub I know if I did I would have to drop my classes. I'm not saying that vics is what help me with all my success but I do wonder why was I so much more successful when I was on them. I'm sure people are going to get mad for me understanding and I don't know why it worked this way maybe it helped us focus, or maybe we felt high and happy so we were able to concentrate. I don't know, I wish I did. You will be okay you have to learn to do it without the pills I know it's hard to hear but you will do all of those things again you just have to learn how to do them sober. Take care I wish you all the luck.

[bmdad]

It was not the pills that was getting you those grades. It was you. I'm sure you probably don't seem to have the energy right now to do that little extra bit of studying or staying up a bit later but it will come back. It might take more work or drive on your part for a bit longer be here soon you will have natural energy. You can't let this be an excuse to go back to the pills. I felt the same way at first when I stopped taking the pain meds. I normally work 12 hour days but at times while using I would stay even later working 14 to 15 hours a day and sometimes worked 7 days a week doing this. Right after I got clean I struggled to put in 12 hours. But after time my natural self came back and my last stint of long hours was 35 days straight of 12 to 15 hours a day. Sure, I had to force myself but I knew deep down I didn't have to have the pills to make it happen.
Don't let the pills win. Eventually they will bring you down like mentioned above. It's just a matter of time. It happens to everyone. Just hang in there and soon you will be back to your old self!

Brian

[Lucky2bAlive]

I asked myself the same question over and over. I went to a very good university and was able to maintain a nasty habit of 500mg oxycodone per day. I too received great grades the whole time and was able to take extra classes and ran a few different clubs. I also held a job at the same time and had a girlfriend or was oblivious to my situation. I felt like superman and that nothing could bring me down. I barely slept some nights working on projects all night and going day after day like this without sleep. After it was all over I realized that it was just in my head. The drugs were really not what I thought they were and slowly they started to work against me. Before I knew it I was skipping class, not doing my assignments and often was called in my professors that have noticed my decline both academically and physically. It was at this point that I got the help that I needed and cleaned up. And I can tell you that if will all come back to you in time. You need to stay clean so that you can become the real person you are. Nobody wants to walk around being someone there not. In order to love yourself you must know who you really are. I pray for you and hope that you are able to overcome this brainwashing disease. Once your clean for awhile you will look back and realize that you are a smart person on your own. They are not wonder pills. -john

[kimbo546]

Hey Girl, I know it is so hard to do but you do need to listen to your sponsor. That is your disease talking in your head, and it will tell you everything and anything to get you to use. This disease is no joke, just like with any other serious untreated disease, it can kill you. We can be in a relapse before we pick up, call your sponsor...get to a meeting. The pills will not help with your school work, that is a lie your disease is telling you. Please Please dont pick up. Even though you got lucky with the WDs this time, that most likely wont be the case again. Im praying for your strength....Big hugs Kim