Functioning Addict

[Functioning]

I was an out of control adict in my youth.  Sicne I graduated college I have been able to turn myself into a highly functioning addict.  I come from a family of deadbeat (and some dead) addicts.  I have always made myself believe that if I was successful in my career and personal life I would not be like "them".  I am a wonderful mother of a 2 year old son.  I am the perfect soccer mother with a thriving career.   I came out to my husband about a cocain addition 2  years ago.  I was going on a Presidents Club trip with company to Maui and I was terrified to not be high for that one week.  Since then I attended NA meetings and wholey imbraced the program.  My husband was sort of supportive.  But I think very dissapointed in me and just wanted me to hurry up and get it together.  Once I felt strong I quit the program to get back to my normal life.  I think this helped my husband believe I was normal agian.  Since then I threw myself into play dates with my son and everything toddler to avoid any temptations.  I have been successful until two months ago when a soccor mom friend of mine mentioned that she had done cocain with her new boyfriend over the weekend.  I couldn't believe how quickly that monster in me surfaced.  I immediatly started probing her about her new habit, connections, and when she was planning on doing it again.  It amazaing to me how quickly two addicts will find each other.  We started getting high on "girls nights out", then it quickly became OK to do a little here and there while on playdates, just enough to "make it fun".  Soon I found myself back where I was.  Hiding it from my husband and doing it alone.  But this time it was worse.  I was getting high with my son around.  Recently I obtained a prescripton on pain killers and I tell myself that these will help kill my cravings for cocain.  They have a little, but now I am a full fredged adict agian.  I can not tell my husband that I have relapsed.  He'll never trust me again.  And he shouldn't.  I am going to start NA again secretly.  I called my sponsor and we are going to a meeting this week.  I quit the pain killers two days ago and I am in a lot of physical pain.  My back and neck are so sore I feel like I have been in an accident.  If anyone has any advice about herbs and vitamins I am open to suggestions.  
I started out to post this question to be very short, but my story just came out.  It fees good to talk (or write) about it.  I know that the meetings will be good for me.  I hope that my story reaches someone and helps them as much as it has helped me to tell it.

[blueice6542]

I was just reading your posting and I too was addicted to cocaine. I wouldn’t do it all the time but when I did I would binge! Probably 2or 3 times a year then I got bad to where I was doing it every weekend and I mean a lot $400 to $500 in a weekend. My wife was an addict too but she quit when we got married! So I quit for awhile but did it with a new friend that started hanging around with us. That was about 3 years ago then bam it was like I never stopped using. Today I’m year and a half clean from coke. But now I have a problem with pain meds. So to make a long story short PLEASE don’t start taking them because they are much harder to quit. If you need any help I’m more then willing to help.
I’ll say a pray for you. so hang in there. Yes going to a meeting will help.

[skinderella]

I have been doing to herbal research, and it looks like Velvet Bean and St Johns wort are good.  When I decide to quit, I am FOR Sure going to try them.. Google Velvet Bean

Good Luck!

[avisg]

NA  is a great idea and so many of us have been right where are you are .Or are right where you are now.We are here to help you can make it threw this and get healthy again.
feel free to PM me if you need to talk

[fedupinmt]

hi hon, I don't think many people are around right now but just hold on and I'm sure you'll get lots of advice. Have you checked out the Thomas recipe and the amino acid proctocol at the bottom right hand side of page. Everyone here swears by them. For sore muscles and aches take motrin or tylonal.  I know what you mean about not telling husband, if mine new about my addiction to pain meds, he would be so ashamed of me and comment on me being  just like the rest of my family. I'm 16 days clean off of pain meds. Just take one day at a time and just stay strong.