Opiate love affair

[tphelp]

I have been taking all sorts of opiates for three years, recreationally. My longest period without them was 2 years. I am also bipolar. I am a school teacher, married with a 5 year old son. My life was going great until September when I started thinking about using again. I thought I could "handle it" this time. A week after I relapsed I was arrested on my lunch break for stealing 2 bottles of diet pepsi from a dollar store. And I had 100 dollars in my wallet. This is just am example of how the pills change your thinking. Since then, I have been suspended from my job with nothing to do but sit home and obsess about using yet again. My husband and parents are soooo disappointed in me and I am trying to win back their trust. But I have used since the arrest. Not much, just a few pills I can get my hands on here and there. My family has arranged for me to see an addiction specialist every week. He has been helping me, but it still doesn't help with the yearning to want to get more pills. My question is...when will I finally learn my lesson and quit for good?? Why is it so enticing?! Why do I love opiates?? I have a pretty good life without them , so why???

[bchief098]

You shouldn't be so down on yourself as you know with clean time before how good it feels to not be controlled by the opiates.  I am still very new to this but extremely motivated, I was sniffing 13-20 roxy 30s a day and i finally decided 2 fridays ago that it was time to get my life back.  Although your family is dissapointed in you as you say, they LOVE you and always will.  You really have to want it and believe in yourself, you already did it and like novics said you DO NOT want to go through that severe withdraw again...do you?  And to tell you the truth that is what is really keeping me motivated bc i dont want to ever feel that pain again for it was the worse pain i have ever felt in my life.  Pray to your god and everything will be ok...YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!! JUST BELIEVE!!!!!Hope everything gets better and please keep us updated.  GOOD LUCK  

[novics]

Why? I forgot to mention that I had three years clean myself until I had a bad toothache. Plus taking the pills also "helped" me with my terrible grief over losing a loved one.

[novics]

You sound very down on yourself and you shouldn't be. Many of us love opiates, and that is a problem we will always have to fight for the rest of our lives.

I also started out a lttle here and there and then eventually found myself three sources for this stuff, and I was back to 10 or 12 a day of the 10/325's.

Try and stop using the pills that you are still getting on an irregular basis today, before you will AGAIN have to go through the severe withdrawals that we both have experienced in the past. Any withdrawals(if any) you will have in quiting this time will probably be very mild this time around