Please any advice?

[jimimiddlefinger]

I am a 46 year old father of 3. I have been battling a year+ long oxy habit. I hurt my back in 2002 and was prescribed Lorcet plus. This became more of a habit than pain relief and the use began to escalate. After moving to Utah I began buying privately. This habit has been on again off again but a year and a few months solid. Amazingly I have been able to keep it somewhat moderate anyway. I was up to a 40 a day. I AM DONE with this garbage. I have wasted time and untold amount of $$ and I am so sick and tired this thing. It controls every aspect of my life. I have been so scared of the WDs for months but now I am more frightened of continuing. I have been laid off since the fall but my father left my brother and I some money. It has been a curse that has kept me from waking up and realizing something needs to be done now. While my brother has put his in investments and has probably $200,000 or so in the bank I have virtually nothing left. And rent is due and bills are due and this guy is calling me...and I don't want anything. I just want my life back. I used to have a pretty good life. I quit once at 25 and then again a few months later at 30ish. I do not know if I should taper at this amount or just say to h**l with it and bite the bullet. I have a few things to help but I don't know if it's ok to mention them. I am ready and since my friend (we'll call him that even though he is no friend) is the only person I know with stuff, I hope I can keep my head pulled out. So any help, advice, criticism (please feel free to call me a dumba**) would be greatly appreciated. Also If you all don't mind if I hang out here while I'm getting thru this...that would be great.

Many thanks,
Jimi

[jstntime]

Hey Jimi,

Don't worry about 2 weeks from now.  You will feel light years ahead of how you do now.  The fact you slept 5-6 hours is a great sign.

Laughing is such a help when doing this.  I remember a certain friend here welcoming me as an addict!!! ha ha  Wow, not really funny but it DID make me laugh at the time.  No need to feel like a broken spirit when doing something for yourself that is so entirely POSITIVE!!!  Keep your chin up.

You should be proud NOW.  The only way to accumulate significant clean time is to start SOMEWHERE!!!

It's all yours Jimi, wishing it for you.

bob

[cpdave]

Theres your thread hope your doin ok

[jimimiddlefinger]

Many thanks. I'll be proud of me when I'm clean as long as some of you people here. If I feel the slightest bit better tomorrow I'm going to the Sunday NA/AA at the restaurant where my daughter works. My fear of what I'll do in two weeks is actually bigger than my fear of how crappy I will feel tonite or tomorrow.I know, one day at a time right? But I gotta start think about this in long term mode..

[LeaAnn807]

You can keep going!  You've made it this far, right?  It will be over before you know it!

So, so, so proud of you!!!

[jimimiddlefinger]

Thanks Bob, my kid help with that attitude. And I find it easy to laugh at times, that makes it better. I always have been kind of a simple, easily amused type of guy.

I want to let everyone who's helping with advice and encouragement know how greatful I am. And that I consider this DAY 2! Yes I was in wd's thursday cuz I took the last 2 hydros I had but I am talking drug free. SO 2 it is....Hurray and such!

Oh D_S, yes I was up till the birds were chirping. But slept till just now. 5-6 hrs I feel blessed. Do I feel like a million bucks? No. Can I keep going? Yeah I think I can..

[Dump_Subs]

The insomnia is rough.  Do youstay in bed or walk around the house an wait for the birds to chirp at 4:25am this time of year?  Hang in there Jimi, not sure what the answer is.  I just try to avoid getting angry/ frustrated.  When I get frustrated I want to take some kind of pill!