So here I am, still going. Back then, time felt like it was standing still, 150 days later, it seems like it flew by. All I have to do is look back to a moment in time and it all comes right back like a nightmare. Those first two months were a living heck. The third one wasn't a prize either. I know what some say, you're not suppose to look at things like it's a payback for being a bad person. It sure seemed like it though. I don't mind saying that I was plain scared at times. The late nights of no sleep and my mind racing, was I going to be like this the rest of my life? Was I really just insane? Knowing my story was being repeated by others going through detox sure helped at times but sometimes logic was out the window. I'm just amazed at what we can do to get better. You all can now take a bow. Bravo. Now comes another hard test. Staying clean and sober.
I still don't think I have had a craving, I don't know. My problem is I still don't feel very well. I absolutely know that drinking will not make me feel better but I truly feel Xanax would. I don't crave the pill, I crave wanting to feel better. Is that the same? Visteral, Zyprexa, Trazodone, Nortriptyline, Seraquel,<sp, Neurontin and some others haven't helped me much. The good news is that I realize that this is dangerous thinking. Right now, today I don't think I'll ever drink again or take a benzo. I don't think of tomorrow. I only think of right now.
Desire, A good plan, Taking it one day at a time, Honesty, Trust, Perseverance, and Guts...Thanks..ike