Aa
Relapse
2 yrs clean, 4.5 day detox ( opiots and alcohol ) I'm beatin myself up.. Why? I have a supportive family. I'M JUST SO LOW
dude I SO know where you are coming from. I am a chronic pain pt as well and I think that is where many of us get derailed, we ARE in pain and it is easy to justify the use.
They say not everyone who goes into pain mgmt gets addicted but I have to say that I never abused my meds, took as prescribed but I was hooked just the same and the mental aspect of this has affected me much more than I ever imagined. Initially I thought it would be a physical dependency and I'd be good to go but I had moved beyond that in my last couple of years use. I didn't take more than I should but let me tell you I hawked the clock waiting for my next dose. I was more of a "controlled" addict, I exhibited a lot of the behaviors but didn't escalate my use. I very well could have eaten 15 hydros a day - I don't know why I didn't, scared of the ramifications I guess.
For me in this process so far (and remember I'm still early) I am learning I have to feel in control of something, so trying to get more educated on alternative ways of managing my pain is important. I have every kind of contraption to manage back, neck, arm, leg, migraine - you name it, I have it, have tried it or am considering trying it. It makes me feel more empowered. Is your condition that you can try some alternative things?
Will I ever take pain pills again, right now I would say no it isn't an option for me but then when you are in agonizing pain who is to say. I do know that if I used them again, I would be fine at first and then I would get right back to where I was. So I try to use this and move forward every day.
You know you can do it so get back on that horse. There are so many great people here who know exactly what you are going through and will support you every step of the way!
They say not everyone who goes into pain mgmt gets addicted but I have to say that I never abused my meds, took as prescribed but I was hooked just the same and the mental aspect of this has affected me much more than I ever imagined. Initially I thought it would be a physical dependency and I'd be good to go but I had moved beyond that in my last couple of years use. I didn't take more than I should but let me tell you I hawked the clock waiting for my next dose. I was more of a "controlled" addict, I exhibited a lot of the behaviors but didn't escalate my use. I very well could have eaten 15 hydros a day - I don't know why I didn't, scared of the ramifications I guess.
For me in this process so far (and remember I'm still early) I am learning I have to feel in control of something, so trying to get more educated on alternative ways of managing my pain is important. I have every kind of contraption to manage back, neck, arm, leg, migraine - you name it, I have it, have tried it or am considering trying it. It makes me feel more empowered. Is your condition that you can try some alternative things?
Will I ever take pain pills again, right now I would say no it isn't an option for me but then when you are in agonizing pain who is to say. I do know that if I used them again, I would be fine at first and then I would get right back to where I was. So I try to use this and move forward every day.
You know you can do it so get back on that horse. There are so many great people here who know exactly what you are going through and will support you every step of the way!
Thank you so much. I mean that. I don't feel like goin to work, or reading. I am painting and doing gardening and i'm off work for my back but decided to receive the scripts again and start those again.. I feel back to square one. My back does hurt and work has me on leave till I'm better all the way. I just wanna feel better now.. Ya know? lol
SuperRick - You did it, it is over, don't beat yourself up. If having a supportive family were the only factor in being clean or relapsing there'd be less people that relapsed. There are so many things, so many reasons we relapse. So moving forward think about what you did and what you'll do differently moving forward to improve your success. Were you getting any kind of aftercare? You want this so start anew, you know what living sober feels like, you know what to expect. I don't have the answers, I'm only 55 days clean myself but knowing people relapse is part of the gig. I don't plan to be one of them but then we never plan relapse do we. It's okay brother just keep moving forward one day at a time. I wanted to throw some support your way.Take care of yourself.
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